No light here son..

[Jizzo]

I'm new here, I've been MCing with my friends for awhile and they think I"m good but I'm just seeing if anyone else thinks I'm any good or if i should just give up.

so here we go...

I'm not sure what your doing here,
My purpose is also not clear,
This tunnel is long and dark,
Like the barrel of a gun,
Just remember while your staying,
There is no light here son,
You claimed you were number one,
Top of the game,
Everyone knew your name,
Said hello,
but you don't know,
what they really think though,
your light was growing dim,
you knew you couldn't win,
your train of thought couldn't swim,
but you wouldn't give in,
Now the light is gone,
and here with me,
your chains and your cars are worthless,
It's what you say is what makes you an MC.

[SPitSNake]

that was Alright but u need More work.......Id like to see you in a battle tho

[CrazyCarl]

If you enjoying writing, don't give up. It's not hard to elevate, just keep praticing, and write more, and there should be increased quality with each verse, if you put the effort into the pieces.
Work on lengthening your lines, it can help you add more description to your verse, and helps you to develop your topic. Read some open mics, and keep writing to get a feel for the style you want to pursue.
Return the feedback
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=188223

[Jizzo]

thanks for the advice guys, I'd like to battle but I don't know how on this forum...

[CrazyCarl]

^
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=112027

[Underdogg]

this sounds more like a poem than a song, lines are really short, some of ur multis are basic but its all good

[Germ]

kinda short, but at least you're putting effort into it....like some peeps have said, just work on it and you'll be fine, if you like to write, keep up

my advice, add a little more content to your drops, think out your lines a little more, complete more thoughts...but yet incorporating a nice flow....but just one step at a time, have fun doing it, nah sayin?

keep up man