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Thread: An awakening...

  1. #1
    Green Hour Madness Bounce's Avatar
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    An awakening...


    My flesh invaded by jacketed lead core
    Living color spills onto a canvas of war
    Bits of fragmented me shower the scene
    Clean-up men couldn’t scourer it clean

    Ghetto floors toast with a vampire’s lust
    Frenzied palates thirst as nuts go to bust
    Ancestry pours whilst young thoughts ooze
    Emptied minds collect in gutters, my muse

    Deadly shrapnel within the tissues of kin
    Families are torn by the impurities of skin
    Conflict’s confined deep in a convicts mind
    Sentenced to death just one breath at a time

    Can you hear the chants of an ancient soul?
    Damned entities out on weeping patrols
    Tongues of a million slain echo in my ears
    No measure of fame will ever tame my fears

    The concrete’s alive, saturated by lives leaked
    Beneath the feet of victims past & eyes blinked
    Attrition thrives when society pays it no mind
    Rewind time to witness crimes no jury can fine

    Stitched into the fabric that joins time & space
    Is the very thread sewn into the human race
    Disgrace the keepers of old like Cortez for gold
    & you’ll drown in the shallow pond of your mold

    Breeched by the angry flight of projectiles at night
    Despite breath I fight to recite the prayer of last rite
    Finally free from the worldly shackles that bind me
    My eyes open to a world that no longer blinds me

    To be continued…



    -Bounce

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  2. #2
    Green Hour Madness Bounce's Avatar
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    Replied to mind full of demons and conscience poetry...

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  3. #3
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Omniscient's Avatar
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    yo this was nice to me...i like your structure and the way how u switched up your wordplay...that was tight...your vocab was nice too along wit the rhymes...u really dont have nothin to improve so keep it up dogg...nice drop

  4. #4
    Po'Ethics
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    Excellent use of metaphor I was really impressed... Nice imagery and unsurprisingly practically flawless flow and syllable use... I like the way this is being told in more than one part - seems to be the theme at the moment common in a few raps. What really blew me away was the way you practically told an entire story in metaphor and simile allowing the reader to fill in the gaps and visualize the story.

    This is the sort of thing I aspire too..

    Peace and thanks for the nice feedback on 'The Truth'
    Po'Ethics Lives

  5. #5
    Green Hour Madness Bounce's Avatar
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    ^ Yeah, if you liked this type of thing you should look up some of my older drops, I don't post much on here, but in the past I did. Check out the legends forum, OM or Poetry, I have a few pieces in there you might want to peep. Thanks for taking the time man. Good luck and if you need and advice feel free to ask.

    -bounce

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  6. #6
    Awaken
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    not fucking bad bounce. Everything about this was pro, well maybe cept for the imagery, if this was meant to have it. The flow was just as pure as it can get, i really wish u would post more shit in here, just for the inspiration lol. WEll, that's all I gotta say, keep em comin man.

  7. #7
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    Good one bounce.. thumbs up.


    I liked the first two paragraphs the best. Set up the whole verse.
    Good structure, everything seemed right on key and read well to a
    beat i was listening to. Blah Blah

    Whole Verse could be quoted and praised.

    You said you don't post as much anymore........so change.

  8. #8
    Green Hour Madness Bounce's Avatar
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    Thanks all...

    [YOUTUBE]Av7yOXafS40?hd=1[/YOUTUBE]
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    We can use all the views we can get, please support the Father/Daughter movement in hip hop. Do us a favor and post on your Facebook walls and such. Thank you


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  9. #9
    Green Hour Madness Bounce's Avatar
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    going back in time...

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    We can use all the views we can get, please support the Father/Daughter movement in hip hop. Do us a favor and post on your Facebook walls and such. Thank you


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  10. #10
    Po'Ethics
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    That... Up there... Was one of my first posts ever
    Po'Ethics Lives

  11. #11
    Nast-E
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    Dope flow . imagery was great .

    your structure is also great .

    Vocab was decent, for the time it was written .

    Seem's at the date, that you were great back then .

    Stay up homie . . good shit .

  12. #12
    Art... K9_THESHIT's Avatar
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    "Vocab was decent, for the time it was written ."-WTF?!?!?!?! did someone during the last three months invented a huge amount of words?And great vocabulary since three months ago it's now decent?!

    anyway...the structure made the piece easier to read,thus easier to be understood better.the imagery was great man...i really like the way you use metaphors,and to many you give them a "darker aura";those type of metaphors i like the most myself so they only made me like this piece more.in all the pieces i read from you you have a very nice rhymescheme...always is far from conventional.the vocabulary was good(surely not decent) and i like your word choice...you are a very good writer Bounce.props...keep it up!

    forgot to tell you that the piece and topic were dope.
    *i thought i wrote that *
    Last edited by K9_THESHIT; April 18th, 2005 at 02:31 PM
    Def Poets Society

  13. #13
    Veteran Born To Kill's Avatar
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    Nice shit, my man...

    Great flow...great message behind it...

    Also, very good descriptions of war, bloodletting...nice.

    However, my man...

    Your format was different, more of a basic 1-1, 2-2...
    And it stayed pretty simple till towards the end until ya went 1-1, 1-1.

    Also, I hate to say it...but I've seen you drop much more complex pieces...
    More thought provoking and...
    I've seen ya rhyme schemes flow with more...how should I say it...
    Intensity? Well...maybe the description should be...
    Less obvious. In this one, the rhymes were pretty obvious.

    Not that that's bad, man...just isn't your usual style.
    Neither is being so forthcoming with your meaning...
    Normally I have to go smoke a doob and ponder your work before I totally get it.
    That wasn't the case with this one...

    Nonetheless, I'm awaiting the second part...did ya ever drop it?

  14. #14
    Banned AL CAPONE's Avatar
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    Aim for tha head/ when u say im gon getem nigga//Aim for tha head/ when u say im gon getem nigga//Aim for tha head/ when u say im gon getem nigga//cass lit they ass just to let them know u aint playin witem
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    wasnt feelin a flow here but i know u got one for sho and liked ur lines and tha rhymes were mad catchy 4real man good job overall verse rate- 8.0/10

  15. #15
    Banned SirusX's Avatar
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    Conflict’s confined deep in a convicts mind
    Sentenced to death just one breath at a time

    Tongues of a million slain echo in my ears
    No measure of fame will ever tame my fears


    Stitched into the fabric that joins time & space
    Is the very thread sewn into the human race

    3 bars that stood out to me.

    nice peice.

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