Something or Another.

[nolonger]

Something or another



Two orphans, another was abandoned by his mother
Something a sheep always taking something from another
His brother, the perfect youth uncouth and trifling
Never told the truth a sleuth bland and stifling
Rifling thoughts reacted when it came to trouble
He was a mislead single man running from the double
.
.
.
To the rubble of the tale, two males contemplating action
The satisfaction and attraction of causing a reaction
A distraction was needed, something pleaded not to do it
But another was the leader and copy had a duty to pursue it
He threw it, cocked back his hand and releases
The window pain shattered, something also fell to pieces
Another cringed took a look at something and laughed
Went with the wind threw the whole grasping a shaft
A craftsman at this stuff he learnt enough from the past
But his future was about to be set in the present so fast
So daft, something in envy entered the shattered hole
The glass on the ground represented his scattered sole
Not realizing the patrol, the shop owner stood proud
Fired a shot at something on earth, sent to the clouds
Presence was loud, the owner dived for the keys
A shot from another was delivered, he fell to his knees
A tease with his shaft, but another’s heart was hollow
Something dead just meant there was no one the follow
He swallowed, took a step back and heard police patrolling
Another placed in a situation he was no longer controlling
Ran for the till, his eyes sparked up with a passion
As empty as his heart, both marked up for a ration
No cash and even worse, the police had intruded
2 dead bodies, a loss of a brother is how this concluded
.
.
.
Another lost his life but not in the same sense as his brother
So ask you’re self who you’d you like to be, something or another.

#1.
#2.

[Gene Pool]

nice shit man. descreptive and imaginative I liked how your introduced the concept with the first 6 lines. and abundant vocablary and some good complexity in some parts but it seemed to me that near the middle you can ran into like the basic one syllable rhyme scheme type deal but it didn't really take away from the piece. sometimes it's hard to get your point across by using complexity and vocab and still make it easy for ppl to understand it so u gotta switch it up a bit but a very well done drop. flow was flawless and plenty of multi's and you had some nice imagery.

To the rubble of the tale, two males contemplating action
The satisfaction and attraction of causing a reaction
A distraction was needed, something pleaded not to do it
But another was the leader and copy had a duty to pursue it

^liked that shit. good opener to the verse. smooth and easy to understand

and another thing your closing lines was a nice touch to end the piece very well done job. keep up. peace.

I'll be posting another OM either tonight or tomorrow called "Travelling Footsteps" so if you could keep an eye out and drop me some feed once I get it posted it would be appreciated thanx in advance.

[nolonger]

thank you.

[Edicius]

^hit me up on aim.

[Edicius]

this was nice, good immagery duke .. i can see you elevating ..

A craftsman at this stuff he learnt enough from the past
But his future was about to be set in the present so fast
So daft, something in envy entered the shattered hole
The glass on the ground represented his scattered sole
Not realizing the patrol, the shop owner stood proud
Fired a shot at something on earth, sent to the clouds
Presence was loud, the owner dived for the keys
A shot from another was delivered, he fell to his knees

this was nice, but use more complex in your rhyming, dont use simple shemes serious it would make you doper .. cause its that complex that makes you wow!..

nice read hombre .. PEACE!

side note: Credz is gay.

[Bounce]

It's easy to see the elevation in the last two drops I've peep'd of yours man. Good job on that, this was a nice read, you hit all the components of a write, well. Now you just have to up that level of complexity as applied to content, concept and scheme. Once you nail those details, your drops will prove to be that much better.

Keep doing your thing man,...

[~{ExClusive}~]

damn im gonna use this peice for elevation this really helped me a lot we'll see maybe if i dont go out tonight ill work around with something but this was tight the multies were used well very good vocabulary and the flow was just zip it was there, damn im really gonna elevate off this. the imagery was very well done and you really got out what you needed to say. now get ya ass on the mic

[nolonger]

Agreed. Thanks Bounce Ex Nice Words...bounce Yo

[nolonger]

up.

[nolonger]

sleeping.

[Edicius]

oh so my words arent nice uh?

.. hit up my newly dropped if you want.. its not that long.

[nolonger]

Oh Edy.

[Na~Ledge]

This was a very weel written piece. Your imagery was near flawless. Where some other may think you lacked i complexity I think you made up for it with your imagery. The topic was excellent, and your storyline read very well which will help keep the reader intrested throughout the piece. While the vocab was giid ub tgus, I have seen you use better in your writing, however I don't think your vocab ablility was what you were trying to show in this piece.Also your intriduction was really eye catching, got my attention immediatly. Overall good drop, but thats not anything new. Upping your next piece.

Peace

[nolonger]

thanks na i like your feed...good shit man

[hollywoodnt]

this was sexy. i liked the imagery. outstanding use of wordplay. flow was great with alot of good metas. liked the way you ended it with a reflection. good vocab, might have to look some words up but it was solid nonetheless. nice drop.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=186346