my dear friend ..jack.

**Edicius** · April 13th, 2005, 08:53 AM

my dear friend .. jack.

alcaholic me?

but its just ..
no one cares too listen, but jack always does..
he doesnt argue with me, but thats because
good friends dont! no they just wont, and why?
because jack's a good guy .. and real .. for real
he knows what i feel .. and his thoughts arent reprehensible
or gives me any censure, but reacts sensible ..
a listening ear, taking away my fears ..
i can just let go of my tears.. being inside for all these years..
and it feels soo good ..
a friend backing me up no mather what kind of mood ..
..i am in
just sticking around like my tattoo forever on my skin forgetting my sins
and just see me as me ..
with the music down low and just the three of us being free..
but what is this? oops its almost empty .. dam i need too re-fill but it cant be spilled ..
so just chill, it wont happen..
because jack just wont allow it .. he doesnt like too spill shit!
but look at the time !! and i am feeling my eyes .. they getting so heavy
and now the music also gets chevy .. maybe i need my sleep
and dream about me being a black sheep .. outcasted and how i feel shame this deep.
so right now i just need too quit, im tired its over,
cause i was just letting yall know im not always sober..
but i am expressing myself without any thing to show ..
serious.. now its really time too go ..
so eh how do i spend those nights with my friends? .. its nothing too shock! ..
just me.. my ciggie's .. and my jack daniels on the rocks.

lol

**Edicius** · April 13th, 2005, 08:57 AM

Issue
Baron mynd

**Issue** · April 13th, 2005, 09:19 AM

I liked your last 2 bars especially lol, I don't know why but they kinda appealed to me.... I think the entire thing was good, you had good imagery and emotion and you explained the whole alcaholic thing pretty well in my opinion. I didn't really get your structure, but I could see you write like that for reasons and Im not gonna comment on it because I know I have a weak structure, and this probably dwarfs mine... I read one of your other pieces, and you have a pretty rough style, but also simple at the same time. Your vocab is simple but like I read in someone elses piece recently, its simplicity is overshadowed by the overall complexity of the piece. You use easy words to get your points across, and then the stronger ones to enforce them. This piece isnt the type that I usually like, but its still impressive all the same.......

**Edicius** · April 13th, 2005, 09:23 AM

lol this was for fun, useally i use high vocab and complexity in writings i put my ''soul in .. i shall let you read some others if you like ..

this was for fun y0

**Deviate** · April 13th, 2005, 12:19 PM

This was nice... Doesn't matter about the complexity or vocabulary really in pieces like this. You wrote well with it personifying the bottle and writing like he was your friend. It was a nice break from the metaphorical, questioning life pieces... Not that I don't like those - as I only write those, but it was nice to see something different. I liked it for what it was... Not what it wasn't... It was enjoyable - That's what I liked. I like your structure too.

Peace

**Edicius** · April 14th, 2005, 03:51 AM

credz you fucking lifeless bitch dont close this thread you stupid ass idiot, wtf is wrong with you? go fuck a girl or something & get a life ... plus get the fuck out off my threads .. homo kid.

**Incineratedrose** · April 14th, 2005, 04:01 AM

alright, well i liked the concept and how you tied it back to Jack Daniels, i really was not expecting that...

and the "lol" at the end... DOPE... but i thought the story line was really cool

and i thought it was funny about how you say "he always listens" and things revolving aroung that. and the structure was awesome, i liked how the lines set up the next one... personification... GORGEOUS!

so overall good concept and just overall really good, so keep at it