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Thread: Beteleuse's curse

  1. #1
    Art... K9_THESHIT's Avatar
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    Beteleuse's curse

    Beteleuse's curse




    In the cloak of the night,hours after the shadow of the twilight,
    Soaked in tears,a girl begins the same flight she’d took for years,
    The Moon light cascades down upon her,silence sings to her ears,
    Flies thru a cocoon of rays that curl around her,then He appears…
    She no longer cries, for that love is pounding restless in her heart,
    Arousing her senses till again they’ll be apart…He is mesmerized…
    Her face has glamorized the lifeless space thru the spark of her eyes,
    …Her beauty as the brightest sunrise would be…
    …Her forms flow into the simple purity of a rose…
    …They storm his thoughts,sprinkle perfume in his nose…



    “Oh,my beautiful princess…How I’ve expected this sweet hour,
    My world could see no less,without your deep love to give me power.”


    “Oh,my dear Beteleuse…My soul has been in pain for too long,
    Not being near you…My all is hollow and inane,all is wrong,
    All that fuels me is your love,we’re interfused like notes in a song.
    But my suffering must be stopped…I can no longer go along,
    I feel it sweeping away my heart…eating me like an utter sin,
    Why must we be forever apart?Meeting my lover only in a dream…”


    “Oh my dear princess…Griping words your angelic voice sings,
    It upsets my soul…dripping every relic of my love in your dreams,
    Oh my dear princess…Ripping my world,drying my beams,
    Your words echo in my deepest recess,flying on devil wings…”


    “I am sorry my love,but I for too long lingered in an image from above…”

    With a stroke of her lashes,thru blur images and ashes she crashes,
    Falling thru fire and white flashes,thru the eternal celestial empire,
    Until she splashes in a cruel reality,haunted by the supernal desire,
    Daunted in a capsule of inanity…her mortal essence to fuel carnality,
    Accepts her bitter mortality…she cannot glitter up in immortality,
    She is just an ephemeral thought in the eternal shadow of Time,
    Nothing but an hour on an emerald world,she is nothing devine…
    She walks in tears to her bed by the window, weeps like a widow,
    A ray of light appears upon her head,softly stinging like a needle…


    “No my dear Beteleuse,if you were to be near,my heart to enthuse…”

    She steps back,hiding away…hoping she won’t dream before day,
    But then she sees Him … gliding gently down on a sunray,
    The sky turns effulgently as he crashes into the seas like a storm,
    He innocently splashes in the reality of her dreams,takes human form…


    “Oh my dear princess,I have left my place to darken other days,
    To encompass only you with my rays…never to repass in space…
    I’m a disgrace to the sky above,but love whispers in my veins…”


    “Oh my sweet Evening Star,I cannot believe how giving you are,
    Your love is truly deep,for you to leave the universe grieving in a scar…
    The reality of my sleep, you are here my dear…in human form…
    A soul for my heart to keep,eyes for you to tear,love to keep you warm…
    But wait…your body is cold…dreadful fate could not give you warmth?
    Oh,how tempting…but inside you’re empty…you don’t have a soul…
    Now please,be gone…”


    Thoughts thundered inside of him,not to have her in reality,nor in a dream…
    He blundered for hours in insanity, irrationality heavily blurring his gleam,
    Searching in the power for a meaning,he understand He is a heavenly being,
    Lifeless…breathless…endless…not truly living…


    He sets out to Hyperion,to exchange the curse of immortality to mortality,
    To change the eternal criterion, to change The Devine Creator’s mentality…


    He flies thru a rainbow of colors,chromatic wonders as a field of flowers,
    Ponders in the thought of a life where she eventually dies at the pass of hours,
    But love is worth the sacrifice,for his sweet love,his sweet perfect sunrise…
    And there it was, Hyperion,whom colored the world with his mental crayon…


    “Oh almighty Infinity…You know what brought me to your holy trinity.
    I plead to Thee,take my immortality and turn it into simple mortality,
    I wish for a fiery breath,a heart to pound in my chest,a life to know death,
    The simple thinks mortals don’t appreciate…”


    “Space does not know such…A wish for a sweet kiss,for a gentle touch,
    We do not know bliss,we know only know this much:we must exist…
    You are an elitist,not living or dieing,only to forever glitter above,
    … And you would consider giving all this up for an hour of love?
    What will it happen to a world without the eternal Celestial Empire?
    The world will collapse in fire,spire down from an ephemeral desire.
    And perhaps,others will want to share your fate and I can no longer create,
    The world is what it is…you are away from pain and hate,away from tears,
    Without you,the world would be desolated and darkness shall light the years…”


    Those words tremble him inside as he gentle flies to his eternal place,
    Only to embrace loneliness,only to rise mealy for His Holiness’s grace…
    He stands alone…with wiry eyes looking towards his spiritual home,
    In his factual trone,he glimpses downwards on what he’ll forever love.
    But his hours turn into her years,she for long stopped sharing tears,
    But love is truly sour…Imbuing awful life in his ever-greatest fears,
    A man stands beside her,fueling more pain in his ever-blankest core,
    He is not from their world,he will be there after,and was before…




    I know it was a long read,but hopefully you like it...Because i really like it...
    And for those who'll think my rhymescheme is not all that,this is just the way i thought the piece will sound the best...
    Await you feeds...And know all links will be returned...
    Peace guys!
    Def Poets Society

  2. #2
    Art... K9_THESHIT's Avatar
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    Linkz for Credz:

    #1
    #2
    Def Poets Society

  3. #3
    Banned Kraven Moorhead's Avatar
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    whoa...thats nice....long too it had a great flow
    nothing more i can say
    i mean damn........
    good job K9
    i like how it had a story and a flow
    and creative name
    poetic style you have man
    drop more like this dude.not much like this in OM

  4. #4
    Na~Ledge
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    ^bet u he didn't read it all

    Anyway ill story man....I don't know what you must have been watching to come up with that topic. This was good though, right up there with lost innocence. Vocabulary was good as usual. I know some people are going to say they didn't feel your rhyme scheme, but hey thats your style. If it works for u stick with it. Imagery was incredible. I can't recall a piece that u went this in depth with the charecters emotions, thoughts, ect. Really helped to bring out your story line. As far a critiques, the only thing I would suggest watch out with getting to over the top with your vocab. Born was telling me watch out with that, it allows the reader to start focusing on the words you used and not what the mean to the story. If your going to use a word do it with a purpose. It was looooonnnnggg, even for my blood, but I understand u wanted to be detailed with your story so ehh. But a nice drop, maybe even OMHOF worthy. Uppin ur next one as always.

  5. #5
    All Things Must Pass. Issue's Avatar
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    What can I say?

    Beautiful, creative, touching, meaning... man, this poem was one of the best I have read in a while.

    Those people who don't like your structure only glance at this piece and others, while reading this I found myself reading out loud and man, it worked so well.

    9.5/10 ... I really liked this piece. I wish you weren't in Hit n Run so my opinion wouldnt seem so biased, but Im exstatic that there is someone with such talent in the crew, an excellent piece.

    Hall Of Fame? Yup.

  6. #6
    Art... K9_THESHIT's Avatar
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    thx a lot for the love fams...i'm gonna check yours right now...
    Def Poets Society

  7. #7
    Na~Ledge
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    Quote Originally Posted by Issue
    I wish you weren't in Hit n Run so my opinion wouldnt seem so biased, but Im exstatic that there is someone with such talent in the crew, an excellent piece.

    Hall Of Fame? Yup.

    ^My thoughts exactly, it's sad that people will read our response and think we're just gassing a crew member, but once again this was an excellect display of talent. You'll be getting a nom from me also.

  8. #8
    Art... K9_THESHIT's Avatar
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    thx a lot fams...really apreciated.and really an nomin from you guys means more then any other nomin...
    Def Poets Society

  9. #9
    ...Parallel...
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    this is actually a decent peice. some nice stucture nice vocab, some pretty good imagery, some nice emotion i was feeling this pretty damn long but this is good. holla at me if ya ever wanna collab ight. im no newb lol. i got banend 3 times lmao

  10. #10
    Art... K9_THESHIT's Avatar
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    Thx...

    And please don't sleep on this one just because it's long...
    All linkz will be returned...
    Def Poets Society

  11. #11
    Po'Ethics
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    This was an excellent piece K9... I've seen quite a lot of your work and the rate at which you're progressing is astounding. You wrote with ascertion, emotion and strength in this piece. You told an interesting and long story that kept me interested throughout. Do not apologize for the length because that is just showing your skill at writing a good OM for an extended period of time... As has been pointed out your structure does not interfere with this piece whatsoever. The structure was like that of a novel, not an OM and if people aren't catching onto this then they probably aren't reading it for its entirety.

    I'm not going to fault this... Simply because there is little, if not nothing to fault. This sort of story doesn't really appeal to me, but I can recognize whether it was good or not, and this was.

    If you could leave feedback on "Alone I Seek..." - The link is in my sig.

    Peace
    Po'Ethics Lives

  12. #12
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    Nice piece here man...pretty excellant drop...I liked it though, nice long read but didnt take anything away from it...You had my attention through out the whole piece which is a plus considering how long it was lol...Pretty good structure in this as well...I liked the content of the story and the way you went about writing it, it was pretty cool.

    Thanks for the feedback on my piece.

  13. #13
    Art... K9_THESHIT's Avatar
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    thanks for the feed Deviate and Credz...
    Def Poets Society

  14. #14
    Art... K9_THESHIT's Avatar
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    Damn.This is starting to get slept...
    Def Poets Society

  15. #15
    Art... K9_THESHIT's Avatar
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    bump
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