still hot

[yellow]

what up world. steel with the biggie influence
in the zone tripping out on the bodily fluids
woowe its getting stinkey in here
funky ass rhymes have you shocked in fear
jeezus it doesnt get any better
just another instrumental to get me steady and wetter
yeah its me big mc big baller
big hat, big hater
get you in the crosshairs and pop that. Annihilators
wow cant fuck with the flow son wont you take a lesson
im handing out styles right now to me the shit is fun
but if i flip get serious then its on
you already know this bitch give me space or
i just might blow shit!
bad when i steer this way
don't it remind you of the end of days
and when i take you away
its like you'll never see the light of day
S.A. son,
don't get played out
im bout this don't get layed out.



go to these.... bitches


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=182239

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=182438

[Brainz]

You could have came up with better lines I think. It didn't make to much sense at some points but revise it and think it out before you spit something this was more of a freestyle.
But Keep doin ya thing

[yellow]

[QUOTE=Brainz]You could have came up with better lines I think. It didn't make to much sense at some points but revise it and think it out before you spit something this was more of a freestyle.
But Keep doin ya thing[/QUOTE

Yellow: yeah i keep forgetting to revise, i usually just come up with whatevers off the top of my head. i get the very best ideas like that. also im listening to some instrumentals right now, that gets me hyped up to rhyme, and start feeling really hip-hop.

[Brainz]

Sometimes its better to revise and take your time then just spit quick
but you look determind so i know you'll get better

[CrazyCarl]

This needs work. You said you stick with the first thing you come up with, and you're working with instrumentals. This tells me you are interested in audio. The downfall to posting a verse like this, is that it doesn't have the same effect as it would as an audio. If you are looking to get better feedback on your writing, move into working on topics, and being descriptive, using better vocab, and filling your lines with content so that they are more equal.
Return the feedback
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=178612