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Thread: American idle

  1. March 31st, 2005, 11:26 AM #1
    djb
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    American idle

    America’s idols are vital to survival
    hours pass in Cairo, sands of time spiral
    revival is simply idiotic with our models
    bottled sincerity for ballers are coddled
    revision of livin’ through eyes of men
    we see a lent lense one way not lettin’ in
    begin to live, in our athletes footsteps
    escape in television leaving our regrets
    ingest smiles and glances sitcoms pass
    vast advance to detract and relapse, mask
    prance our feet, in the dance of deceit
    freak, listen to deranged rap over a beat
    compete for shoes or gear, hear queers
    search for twins so again we down beers
    our worst fears have arrived n comprised
    derived from 4 fathers, either follow or die
    why are we no longer rebels with causes
    cuz now we revel to level our coat closets
    take a look at the media man, golden boy
    he who uses and abuses women like toys
    exterior made u fell inferior, scan his soul
    dunking and hitting jumper wasn’t his goal
    the innocence folds, dirty laundry’s exposed
    this was prosed for purpose portraying those
    foes contract contracts so that they act above
    I greet creators as my inspiration with love
    celebrities and athletes are not American idols
    mind all teachers and parents they are.............
    .............If not America will forever tread idle
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  2. March 31st, 2005, 11:39 AM #2
    K9_THESHIT
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    good piece djb.as i read it i thought to myself,u have something against television,since in your last OM you also showed that.now for your piece:the topic was good,and i liked you've touched many issues on the topic,all of them true and real,you squeezed in much info to back up your ideas.And the drop wasn't that long,but you touched so many issues i didn't feel like wanting it to be longer.what else?it flowed good to the eye,the rhymescheme and word choice helped a lot.Struture and vocab good.Nice read!Keep it up fam!

    Ps:check "lost innocence" in my sig when you have the time!
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  3. March 31st, 2005, 12:23 PM #3
    Na~Ledge
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    Damn this was an ill drop. Was those last lines about Kobe I wonder? Anwayit was very well written I like your use of muti's but the way u placed them i there didn't overshadow the point u were tryin to get across. Vocab was excellent, as well as imagey, the words almost jumped off the screen. Relly showed me some things I needed to work on. I'l piece fam.
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  4. March 31st, 2005, 02:44 PM #4
    Johnny 6-feet
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    good topic, good use of vocab and a good sense of pace as well. good to see you branching out man. you never disapoint and this was no exception, a few multi's here and there would've helped things but this is a good piece overall.

    keep posting and reppin' us right.

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  5. March 31st, 2005, 03:07 PM #5
    Haywood Jewblomi
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    I enjoyed this verse. It was a clever topic, and put your point across well. It had a nice rhyme scheme, with plenty of multies at the start, which i always enjoy reading (I like multies dammit!). The Vocab was strong, so it didn't come across as a simple piece or anything similar. Haven't read much of yours before, and i was immpressed by this. Overall i thought this was an enjoyable read.
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  6. March 31st, 2005, 03:20 PM #6
    Gotti
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    i agree good topic, good wordplay, alot of emotion in this drop
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  7. March 31st, 2005, 03:43 PM #7
    D'noxx
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    yeah man i felt this as i read it you exspressed yaself as best as yo could man kepe dat shit up its sum gud shit djb
    are you more into writting or are you a audio
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  8. March 31st, 2005, 04:03 PM #8
    noncentz
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    Impressive Twin I Love The Content Flow Delivery Wordusage. Fuck It This Gets The Patent Pending Dime Out Of 2 Nickles.
    to love something,is to die for it ,if you do, your a martyr , but these days music is morbid, false carters ..prohet's for prophet no lie, look how our last martyr was crucified. to put it in it symplicity, you aint true...you wouldnt sacrifice a few dollars for authenticity..
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  9. March 31st, 2005, 08:22 PM #9
    djb
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    lol wp and thanks everybody for the feedback nice to see love especailly from the fam. johnny this had multi's all over the place a hole.....lol. and i am mostly writing but i am starting to get into audio. i just suck ass at it
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  10. April 1st, 2005, 09:54 PM #10
    djb
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    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=181482
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=182566
    Last edited by djb; April 1st, 2005 at 10:13 PM
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  11. April 3rd, 2005, 12:55 AM #11
    djb
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    upping for some more feed
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  12. April 3rd, 2005, 12:09 PM #12
    djb
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    can i please get a little more feed on this
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