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Thread: Ayo Can I Get Some Feedback Plz....

  1. #1
    .Spitualistic.
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Location
    --------------
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    7,156
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    33-13

    Thumbs up Ayo Can I Get Some Feedback Plz....

    THE HIP HOP dr. JERKYL-MR.HYDE...


    The Burden of my ruins,..
    causes me to savour an extensive taste for these humans,
    feast'n on hubris, & pupils, the aroma of blood is beautiful,
    unpricipled in a world so synical,
    held captive in thoughts so noone can mimic me,
    the simplicity in siloquey is kill'n me,
    so misplaced thoughts is
    transplanted to the tip of my sword,
    off wit'cha head, I've done this before,...
    evil and flagtitous, unmerciful N violent,
    tired of dream'n, splice open my eyelids,
    Im aN endangered species fight'n 4 survival,
    everyones a rival I must take the title,
    man or beast i need to prove who I am,
    but when i look in the mirror, aint noone there,
    so I go with this agonozing, and uncivilized feel
    in my gut,
    that when the beat turns, whoa..!!
    Everything is a BLURR....
    laying in the booth,
    try'na remember, what went wrong,
    clothes ripped n torn, think'n...
    this couldnt of happened from rapp'n,
    I could neva slip or fall..
    A thousand identities im losing my memories,
    feeling enerverated try'na boost up my energy,
    at any or all cost, I need to remember what happens,
    when the beat turns on,
    before i go crazy with zany N wavy thoughts,
    my plans to fracture the incompetant benighted an fraudulent,
    so when you meet, the hip hop, dr jekyl n hyde, U kno' theres no opposing him,
    speak'n from a perspective, thats distorted aN defective,
    but infected wit intelligence,
    they say hes a legend, but only I know the truth,
    you can never dissever, a beast from its roots....
    the traction slipped from my pivot, in an instance i was drawn towards malignant N chaotic fury,destroying in graphical illustration,
    testin the limits...like raps on the verge of abomination..
    i feel schitsophrenic...thats why i write these verses on paper...
    grounds of war, but only im on the battlefield,
    an obtainable bone of contention ceases to be but a breath of a spoken word, how could they let such a demon in a world full of irrationality,
    divulge my thoughts in a pad under tons of ink,
    systematically examining the inflictions of my struggles,
    disruption and loss, destruction across,
    runnin out of ideas take a slit to the throat..
    in the end I come to realize,---> really......, what I am INSIDE,
    Im the only living hip hop, dr.jekyl -n- mr. hyde....

    WOULD LIKE FEEDBACK PLZ...
    JUST BUGGN OUT, DIDNT HAVE A TOPIC TO BEGIN W/. JUST WENT WITH IT.. BUT HOLLA ERRY-1

    my 2ew links
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...889#post2132889
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...947#post2132947

    KALIKOZE9/11

    'GEDD@.ME'
    1

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  2. #2
    Still in the grave Johnny 6-feet's Avatar
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    5,123
    Battle Record
    8-1
    good vocab, crazy concept and some good imagery as well. i think you should equalise your bars just to make the piece look neater though. a few good multis' as well.

    keep on posting man, i liked this.

    SS League Record 31-8
    SS HW Champ
    14 x OM HoF



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  3. #3
    sexi_dominicana
    Guest
    when i first started readin it, i was disgusted (the begining and the smell of blood thing ahhh) but i guess its like the guy above me said- good imagery... anyways, the end was very nice, seems pretty personal, which i like also, used nice big words (makes u sound smarter)... and ya thats it.. keep em comin

  4. #4
    .Spitualistic.
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    ayo Johnny 6-feet; good lookn on the feed back, appreciate it, Will reteurn the fav.....

    RECENT OPEN MICS:

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=175764
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=175743

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  5. #5
    .Spitualistic.
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    sexi_dominicana , thank you for your feedback, well as you stated you were disgusted, lmao....thats pretty much the idea i wanted to give off, wanted to try and grasp my readers with a good open'n line, im workn right now on uppn my vocab... so thanks....will return the fav....

    RECENT OPEN MICS:

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=175743
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=175521

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  6. #6
    G-Money
    Guest
    ahhhh..not really my type of rap style but i liked it .....nice creativity n nice wordplay....vocab was good but at some points u seem to fall off to me...u picked back up tho so i aint knockin for that ..... u had some nice mutlis in there too... u brought my attention to this style of rap im feelin it return the favor please...


    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=176171

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