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Thread: The scripture:writtings of a mortal soul

  1. #1
    Art... K9_THESHIT's Avatar
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    The scripture:writtings of a mortal soul

    writings of a mortal soul


    await the feedbacks.will return the fav.but please,read it carefully cuz it's really deep...don't just skip thru the lines...

    Pittyful minds in the cover of darkness plot,
    Ones essence devoured by vultures,left to rot,
    Nowadays for protection most purchase,a ten shot,
    A desperate mind searches,for a reason,but,
    Going in the sactuary of churches,nowadays not,
    Even there dreadful hate urges,in people’s heart,
    The search for perfection an assigment,to never stop,
    Most don’t know we’re a diamond,just uncut,
    Aspirning to the bird of wonder,a mortal soul lusts,
    Grievously and painfuly goin under,my world busts,
    Two vissions of life go asunder,my soul slowly rusts,
    Prophetic thoughts roar like a thunder,but can’t get outta my crust,
    My ideas hatch and start to maunder,my world readjusts,
    To the soft whispers inside myself persist,echoin slow,
    Devilish commandmends still exist,red eyes glow,
    In the mirror an image of a deceased,cold as snow,
    See my pagon soul of an atheist,i suffer,god know,
    A negativist perfictionist ended as a nihilist,so hollow,
    I c the world thru the eyez of an anarchist,I c death’s claw,
    Like the fingers of ones fist,evil and good interflow,
    With pain I graiz slowly the page with my wrist,write my flow,
    In a diseased world I’m an artist,in my sins I crawl,
    Realyze thru the settling myst,my horizonts never to thaw,
    Awaken mind by a holy priest,a holy voice it told,
    You don’t have to be a jurist,to follow god’s law,
    With a wiry trembeling voice of a egoist,I asked to know,
    My own name written in death’s list...must I follow?
    Death’s iron fist after an elegist idealist,preparing the final blow,
    The salvation of our souls,an apochaplypse,a biblical outflow…
    Def Poets Society

  2. #2
    Art... K9_THESHIT's Avatar
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    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...87#post2146687
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...5&page=2&pp=15


    be sure to leave the links to the feeds,so i can hit them up later.
    Def Poets Society

  3. #3
    Na~Ledge
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    Dude I think you'll do fine on this site if u keep posting like this. Very interesting piece. Your vocab was great but the way you used to empasize your stories content was great. Really enjoy reading your work.

    Illest line:

    To the soft whispers inside myself persist,echoin slow,
    Devilish commandmends still exist,red eyes glow,
    In the mirror an image of a deceased,cold as snow,
    See my pagon soul of an atheist,i suffer,god know,
    A negativist perfictionist ended as a nihilist,so hollow,
    I c the world thru the eyez of an anarchist,I c death’s claw,

    nice

  4. #4
    Art... K9_THESHIT's Avatar
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    Uppin...Review my thread.Say what ya think,bad or good.
    Def Poets Society

  5. #5
    That Shit Cray Chris Black's Avatar
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    I didn't like how you ended the lines. The rhymecheme just through me off, so I wasn't able to get as deep into it as I wanted. First time, I've seen you post. It was decent shit, but I'm work on rhymeshceme and flow. Keep writing, homie.

    My OM: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=175565
    Hence Forward
    axis powers

  6. #6
    Art... K9_THESHIT's Avatar
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    Upping.
    Def Poets Society

  7. #7
    Art... K9_THESHIT's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chris Black
    I didn't like how you ended the lines. The rhymecheme just through me off, so I wasn't able to get as deep into it as I wanted. First time, I've seen you post. It was decent shit, but I'm work on rhymeshceme and flow. Keep writing, homie.

    My OM: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=175565
    sorry ya didn't see the rhymescheme...when i wrote it i had a rymescheme in my had and followed that.the piece itself has a rhymesheme and flow,trust me,but seems ya didn't feel it.
    Def Poets Society

  8. #8
    that was a nice read better than some of the stuff ive seen but it seem like you were goin in and out wasnt consistent but it was good to say the most

  9. #9
    Art... K9_THESHIT's Avatar
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    want mo feeds.anyone?
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  10. #10
    Art... K9_THESHIT's Avatar
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    uppin for feedback!
    Def Poets Society

  11. #11
    Fear Before The March Foreshadow's Avatar
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    I thought that the rhyme scheme was real boring. And that everything kind of seemed a little weird but I thought that you went to far with the repetitive rhyme scheme. But overall this was a nice piece.

  12. #12

    Thumbs up

    Pretty nice, like the patterns. My fav. 2 lines were

    "In the mirror an image of a deceased,cold as snow,
    See my pagon soul of an atheist,i suffer,god know,
    A negativist perfictionist ended as a nihilist,so hollow,"

    Much Props

  13. #13
    MXC
    Guest
    nice drop,good vocab also good struct
    I agree the rhyme shceme was just ok
    over all still nice drop

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