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Thread: Hott Shitt..!! Need Feedback Plz. Re-post Slept-on..

  1. #1
    .Spitualistic.
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    Thumbs up Hott Shitt..!! Need Feedback Plz. Re-post Slept-on..

    I POSTED THIS A WHILE BACK, BUT ONLY A FEW PPL GAVE F/B LIKE 2-3,
    I KNOW THIS IS HOTT.... PLZ GIVE FEEDBACK...
    IM REALLY UPPN THIS PIECE, FOR A GREAT TOPICAL......



    TEMPEST....

    Weathered by ignorance...these torrential pains fall with regularity,
    he fights to maintain his dexterity to retain his focus...in hopes
    uncertainty might dissappear like a magic trick's..."hocus-pocus",
    ravaged by fear and prejudice like rain starved lands raped by locust...
    for the closest he has come to equality is measured by an unbalanced
    quantity...an inaccurate ratio which reduces to like one out of thirty....
    hes beenrunn'n through the trenches, measuring success in inches,
    so of course underneath his finger nails are dirty...dry skin cracked, sweaty palms calloused...forced to pleasure himself like perverted hands to phallus,
    yet this civilization wonders why he harbors so much malice towards
    this land's unsheathed sword of ignorance...swung at neck level,
    weilded by the hands of hatred with intent to silence his anger...while
    subsequent wounds allow patince to dwindle and reservoirs of under
    standing to run empty...trying to gain admittance like "open-sezza-me"
    yet entrances remain closed by corrupted powers that be...no access
    granted, no regards to his humanity...his troubles...his scuffles...his
    stumbles...his struggles with a false sense of independence outlined in
    outdated proclamations that emancipated...diluted by separated
    equality...the idiocy jim crow laws created...idiosyncrasies of manhood
    reudced by a society which stated he was inferior...different cultures,
    different features, yet indentical interiors...he wears his strife like
    military stars and stripes to show he shall not yeild on life's
    battlefield,cut's and bruises he sometimes confuses with abraisions
    inflicted by slavery...for within him the innate knowledge of the
    serenghetti is sealed...uses his jagged-edge past as a protective shield
    to prevent duplication of events leading to desolation in association
    with non-rememberance...dedicated to by-passing interference caused
    by the glow of his shaded appearance...with adherance to the light
    of his logic, the darkness of ignorance remains microscopic...
    especially when the featured topic is survival...and the title for the
    chapters of his life are longevity...bound by heredity he is inherently
    a warrior, apparently a destroyer to oppositions, previously
    mentioned, that cant help but to pay attention to his raw mistique,
    the intricate techniques he uses for persona, shen thin skins of cynicism
    like growing iguanas, so the thick skins of assertiveness' are the only
    layers shown...so he can care less what it takes to impress, for it is,
    'to each his own'...known for his might, sifting for insight to light
    muted paths he must tread...lead by instinctive desires a man acquires,
    a cuisine of self preservation that adolescents fed...hungry for respect,
    hungry for love, starving for a sweetened taste of knowledge...eager
    to ingest food for thought that will allow him to know himself....
    for he is the epitome of resiliance...weather the storm strong man....
    withstand the brutal nature of the tempest.......


    GIVE FEEDBACK PLZ...
    HOLLA:
    MY 2EW LINX:
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...73#post2132973
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...93#post2132993

    KALIKOZE9/11

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  2. #2
    Newbie
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    ur rymes r off da hook "u have talents dog!!" how long it take to write this?
    HOTT LINE!!!!!
    "different cultures,
    different features, yet indentical interiors.."

  3. #3
    Newbie
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    HOTT SHYTT 4 sho

  4. #4
    Newbie
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    allz i gotta sayz iz u seriouz and it getz to da ppl , some shytt needz editn like the line
    "forced to pleasure himself like perverted hands to phallus"
    It mite offend ppl, don ask, my friend sayz

  5. #5
    .Spitualistic.
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    LOL....THANKS,
    VERY MUCH APPRECIATE THE POSITIVE F/B.......WeStSiDe_rpzntn

    I TRY MY BEST, WHEN I WROTE IT, IT PROLLY TOOK ME ABOUT 45MINS -2 N HR, BUT I DID A WHOLE LOTTA EDITING BEFORE I ACTUALLY POSTED IT.
    I DID STRUGGLE ALOT WITH THIS PIECE,
    BUT IT WAS FUN WRITING...

    ILL RETURN DA FAV..HOLLA..
    recent open mics:

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=175743
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=175521


    HOLLA------> KALIKOZE9/11 GEDD@'M

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  6. #6
    .Spitualistic.
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    Upp'n...

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  7. #7
    ThE kId BiG
    Guest

  8. #8
    The Notorious E.N.G. Engivale's Avatar
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    Awards WOP Champion
    Loved it. Reminds me of Cee-lo, the way you rhyme together similiar-sounded "big" words.

    A.I.

    "She managed to extract from the restriction itself a further delicate thought, like good poets whom the tyranny of rhyme forces into the discovery of their finest lines."


  9. #9
    yea... Red_'s Avatar
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    hot sht dawg!
    keep dropping more

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