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Thread: Noman

  1. March 5th, 2005, 11:44 PM #1
    Ike Ill.
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    Noman

    Dark and cold was my seat... Lost & Forsaken were my plea's
    I was a beast, banished by who've seen... Or lived around me.
    My past was clean, why was I so keen to this final betrayal?
    Living life was dismay's call, my soul: born to portray flaw!
    I gave it my all, just couldnt stay tall... I was never fit
    & as long as I remember bits, the thought: couldnt rid of it.
    I was shit... Peers left me in this pit, driven by fear
    So I'm here to sing myself to tears, & get my mind clear.
    I was mere dissapointment, sheer suicidal at it's best
    But how can thoughts go without vengaence to put it to rest?
    Who could of guessed, knives were my ticket to a sweet death
    Slowly rub it on my neck would long live a descreet breath.
    I've no mess... Close my eyes as poison slips into my heated body
    But though I have died as one, remember: NoMan has defeated me.
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  2. March 6th, 2005, 01:38 AM #2
    [H]allelujah
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    Ok first of all this hit was so dope man....I really felt your lines a lot man!! Also, I like your words and vocabulary man!! Here is my breakdown.....

    Dark and cold was my seat... Lost & Forsaken were my plea's
    I was a beast, banished by who've seen... Or lived around me.
    Really good I dunno if it was very good for an opener tho...but still nice!!
    My past was clean, why was I so keen to this final betrayal?
    Living life was dismay's call, my soul: born to portray flaw!
    I liked this too...but it seemed like you forced the rhyme here a lil bit!!
    I gave it my all, just couldnt stay tall... I was never fit
    & as long as I remember bits, the thought: couldnt rid of it.
    Nothing to say but NICE man!!!
    I was shit... Peers left me in this pit, driven by fear
    So I'm here to sing myself to tears, & get my mind clear.
    I believe this was ur best line in here...dunno why but it flowed almost flawlessly!!
    I was mere dissapointment, sheer suicidal at it's best
    But how can thoughts go without vengaence to put it to rest?
    Second line a lil stretched, but nice job again here!!
    Who could of guessed, knives were my ticket to a sweet death
    Slowly rub it on my neck would long live a descreet breath.
    Liked this.....I felt this one and it was a good line man!!
    I've no mess... Close my eyes as poison slips into my heated body
    But though I have died as one, remember: NoMan has defeated me.
    I almost like yo whole thing except this was kinda weak...sorry..but good overall!!

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  3. March 6th, 2005, 07:31 PM #3
    Ike Ill.
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    Word Thanks.
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  4. March 6th, 2005, 09:37 PM #4
    Vikkie™
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    I liked this....
    emotion:good
    honesty:good..this is actually how you really have felt
    time in it:some I'd say about 20-40 minutes good for what you wrote
    structure and everyting in between:good

    8/10
    Life Is 10% What Happens To You;
    90% How You React To It.
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  5. March 8th, 2005, 03:13 AM #5
    Ike Ill.
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    If you leave like one line of feedback and a link, I will give you good feedback in return.

    Though I would apreciate long feedback on this, thank you for your time.
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  6. March 9th, 2005, 01:27 PM #6
    poyzonivey
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    Your shit is bomb! and it exploded the way you dropped it. The rhyme scheme kicked ass also

    Dark and cold was my seat... Lost & Forsaken were my plea's
    I was a beast, banished by who've seen... Or lived around me.
    My past was clean, why was I so keen to this final betrayal?
    Living life was dismay's call, my soul: born to portray flaw!
    I gave it my all, just couldnt stay tall... I was never fit
    & as long as I remember bits, the thought: couldnt rid of it.
    I was shit... Peers left me in this pit, driven by fear
    So I'm here to sing myself to tears, & get my mind clear.
    I was mere dissapointment, sheer suicidal at it's best
    But how can thoughts go without vengaence to put it to rest?
    Who could of guessed, knives were my ticket to a sweet death
    Slowly rub it on my neck would long live a descreet breath.
    I've no mess... Close my eyes as poison slips into my heated body
    But though I have died as one, remember: NoMan has defeated me.


    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=171275
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show....php?p=2104684
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  7. March 12th, 2005, 03:29 AM #7
    Ike Ill.
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    ^ thank you for pointing that out lol... And THANKS for the links. I can finally get at something.
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  8. March 12th, 2005, 06:24 AM #8
    Varentao
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    I did find it hard to get into. But at the same time, i grasped the concept and how you tried to work it. Though ultimately the emotion seemed to wilt too often. Like a gas fire that keeps going out (or something).

    Still, it had a good base to it. Not bad. Certainly something to build on.
    I'm too secure to have a signature.

    Oh.
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