Ok so yea Im new and this is just a basic starter peice tell me what cha think.
Come one come all
Guys feel small
When they face this bitch
Cause Im the shit
Say what you want
Cause my style is hot
I know what I got
My goodies I flaunt
You think you can defeat me
Then step up and try baby
But believe this hunny
I'll send you home cryin to yo mommy
<center><font color="deep pink">~*~ Detroit Star ~*~<p> "With Love, Respect and Loyalty from Detroit City"
How old are you? I mean it sounds like you 12-14, It needed some more work and vocabulary. But i guess it was good for a first i guess.
you need some work. if you want pm me and i will help you out. only if you are serious though. this was very simplistic. i cant say much more then that. you need practice.
please give me some feedback
my open mic:http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=175094
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Music --->>>>
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yo iam feeling anybody who got the courage to step up and rap and post they shit for others to see. yeah you could use some work but keep ya head up and keep spitting. for every great achievment comes great practice....feel me
You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, thanks.
man this shit sucked really bad
Artistic Visions
Written Voices
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It was to short to give a lot of feed.
The structure was aight the vocab needs work and the flow was basic.
Not bad for a first drop just keep writing and you should improve.
Return the favour
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=175486
Work on your context, having the short lines puts emphasis on the rhymes. Try and write about a topic where you can go in detail and fill your verse with some context. Keep writing if you want to elevate, it will improve your rhyming and flowing longer.
this isnt very good ma....really lacks in everything from context to vocab...work on your shit read stuff from legends.
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Baby words... needs more vocab, its good if its ur 1st time
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