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Thread: Have you ever..?

  1. February 25th, 2005, 11:45 AM #1
    Lay Doubt.
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    Have you ever..?

    Have you ever stopped to think..
    ..why we're so preoccupied and caught up in our robotic routines?
    I've lost all my dreams..
    ..live for myself? well, honestly I've forgot what it means.
    And if you're talking to me..
    ..then it's probable my response is not what it seems.
    Chalk one for the team.. right?..
    ..the greatest nation on Earth consistently fills places with hurt.
    The country that will bomb the most sacred of turf..
    ..I've witnessed hatred since birth, and it's got me questioning fate.
    And if you're reading this with an expressionless face..
    ..then I'm wondering why I ever expected for us NOT to be destined for hate.
    I guess it's okay, yet still, what does the next day bring?..
    ..most likely the same thing, where bloodshed from a gangfight is just another thug dead.
    We're still okay, right?
    All the while most of them are hiding the truth and denying this too..
    ..but really think about it.... they're lying to who?
    What are they trying to do?
    Affirmative Action doesn't seem right..
    ..when people receive life for shoplifting a pair of Levis, thanks to three strikes.
    I've yet to see light, and here's another reason I feel blue.. knowing that..
    "If you commit murder then in return we'll kill you"[/hypocrisyEpitomized]
    yeah, it's real true..
    And it's the fact that peace is out of reach, "WE'LL INSTEAD FIGHT IT THROUGH!"[/patriotic?]
    That makes me want to wipe my ass with the flag of the red, white, and blue.
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  2. February 25th, 2005, 12:06 PM #2
    Ike Ill.
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    All that was completely true ^
    Dope drop..... Forreal dude.
    It had a nice ending too
    (one about the Red white and blue..)
    I read this thing the whole way through
    And all I gotta say... Nice point to prove.

    It couldnt of been better, the flow was nice
    But fuck the structure, the rest is precise

    If anyone disses this, your a dumbass man
    Cuz I feel the same way.. Not proud to be American.

    ^ Sorry rofl I had to do it.
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  3. February 25th, 2005, 12:41 PM #3
    Ink Thesis
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    quite good.. rhyme scheme was great at most lines... flow was really good, not used to readin shit in that type of structure coz it could ruin the flow but the multies made it seem ok.. something meaningful in this piece... and i agree with what ur tryin to say... nice ending too.. keep at it

    please hit up "seeing satan isnt easy" in my sig

    peace
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  4. February 25th, 2005, 01:04 PM #4
    Center Sight
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    I've lost all my dreams..
    ..live for myself? well, honestly I've forgot what it means.
    And if you're talking to me..
    ..then it's probable my response is not what it seems.
    Chalk one for the team.. right?..
    ..the greatest nation on Earth consistently fills places with hurt.
    The country that will bomb the most sacred of turf..
    ..I've witnessed hatred since birth, and it's got me questioning fate.
    And if you're reading this with an expressionless face..
    ..then I'm wondering why I ever expected for us NOT to be destined for hate.


    nice.. i can dig it.. kinda similar to mine actually.. good multis and flow through out.. nice pace.. decent amount of description involved.. consistant.. fuck'a beef.. i dont let it altermy opinion and neither should you.. you had a nice piece , you should return an honest critique on this

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=172961
    Last edited by Center Sight; February 25th, 2005 at 01:25 PM
    Good Luck. You're Gonna Need It.
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  5. February 25th, 2005, 03:32 PM #5
    Lay Doubt.
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    thanks for the feed.

    guess cats don't like the structure. oh well, it doesn't change the content.
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  6. February 25th, 2005, 03:38 PM #6
    Spit
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    im diggin the drop.... never seen the structure but its just a structure... nice verse..
    meaningfull....realy keep it hott.
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  7. February 25th, 2005, 04:01 PM #7
    $pitacular
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    I liked it, but you strayed from one point to the next almost randomly... the only thing could have been better would be to have the ideas connect better

    but word yo good shit.
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  8. February 25th, 2005, 04:07 PM #8
    Lay Doubt.
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    i know i did.. lol. i couldn't help it.. just jotted down the ideas as they came to my head.

    but word Spit, thanks.. and aiyo, if you could get on aim.. got a couple more bars to show you.

    msn won't work for me.
    Been a real one.
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  9. February 25th, 2005, 04:54 PM #9
    Born To Kill
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    I liked it alot...

    But I did think the ending was shit.

    You can be opinionated...you can have whatever views you want.

    But don't be disgusting towards the country (if you're American, sounds like you are)...
    That allows you the very freedom to speak your mind.

    In Saudi...you say you'll wipe your ass with their flag...
    They'll probably cut your tongue out.

    Show some respect...after all...

    YOU have a good life, it would seem.

    Here you are playing around with technology that other countries don't even have.

    Whatever...Pfftt...Kids!
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  10. February 26th, 2005, 03:25 AM #10
    Richard Parker
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    good piece.. which you'd stuck with one idea or another though.. and I don't agree with your point about 3 strikes = life being a bad thing. Its actually hard to commit three crimes and get caught and go to jail for life. you'd think after two people would be smart enough to stop but i guess not. some people may want to go to jail. iunno. But you did a ncie job. in some places the flow was a little childish, rhyming you with blue or some shit. but in most places it was good, not forced.. and a pretty good piece. drop some more.
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  11. February 26th, 2005, 08:16 PM #11
    Lady Femicist
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    That was off the chain honestly I liked your wordplay and your multis I enjoyed readin this ish on the real...keep it cumin
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  12. February 26th, 2005, 08:29 PM #12
    Tim
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    Nice drop man but i dont feel structure really matters anymore just aslong as you got a dope flow to go along with it and moke it work in the end liked the way you touched up on this topica made you think after you read it at the end i agree the BTK it could have been a little better of and ending but overal this was a very nice piece good to see you do some more oms again hope to see more in the fucture from you stay up man

    can you please return the favor thanxs

    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=173742
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  13. March 29th, 2005, 08:17 PM #13
    Daz
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    U know what.

    I could say this was ill.

    and the first parts were.

    But then the ryhme scheme slowed and the topic subtly changed and threw the peice off.

    It was half dope lol.

    Pz
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  14. March 29th, 2005, 10:18 PM #14
    AL CAPONE
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    nice drop homie just work on rhymin and it would have been betta but still alright ok so work on dat overall rate-6.0/10 would have got a 7.5 if there was mor rhymin but u did ur thing homie
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  15. March 30th, 2005, 12:20 AM #15
    dAmEtApHoR
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    straight up I felt the point and the drop...mad props...multies were there, good rhyming and over all just the quality of the content makes up for the other lil' things missing...true piece I'll look for more from you...
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