Metaphorical Poetics

[Center Sight]

it goes and comes around.. but how long in between?
and if i dont see it happen well.. how strong can it be?
i heard a voice quick as it came it was gone in the breeze
it said to steady my feet wide and be strong in the knee's
i'd wrongfully see.. this wasnt literal.. indeed a metafor
that these lonely halls we walk.. lead to better doors
the place you teleport.. rid of dead ends & never more's
even when the weather pours head up and let'r roar
no more dead at war.. a lost cause for settled scores
'least there was honor in 1 on 1 draws with metal swords
with that said of course.. today innocence is crushed
but now its too late to rebuild.. and in a sense its sucks
the mystery of life.. on earth.. the skin on its back is..
the energy of the universe.. that makes it spin on its axis
the big bang.. dawn of time.. the whole thing is stupid
time exists without existance.. theres no beginning to it
in a rythmic pulse of music.. what numbers couldnt equal?
through cause & effect.. up & down or.. good & evil
breathe a breath to the ocean.. blessed perpetual motion
of sexual notions.. bonds in life.. until death for eloping
these moments.. lost living lies but.. we all live and die
question is..
did you give a try.. cross plains with pride risen high
or did you let your image fry.. memorys of a finished eye
minutes fly...... til we birth wings under a different sky



http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=172941 http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=172858

[Jay Walker]

This was pretty dope. alot of metas, and the flow, like always, was sharp. My favorite part was...

i'd wrongfully see.. this wasnt literal.. indeed a metafor
that these lonely halls we walk.. lead to better doors
the place you teleport.. rid of dead ends & never more's
even when the weather pours head up and let'r roar
no more dead at war.. a lost cause for settled scores
'least there was honor in 1 on 1 draws with metal swords
with that said of course...

...that shit was the dope show.

Good work center...keep it up.

And in the meantime, go vote on my battle in FL, it should be close to the top. against twixn.

[JaakDaPhake]

It's writing like this that proves that rap isn't just bullshit about smacking hoes and smoking grass. You proved a broad knowledge of the english language and the world that surrounds you... I have respect for what you've done with this piece. It has a way of making us seem as if you have all of the answers... and whether one does or not, presenting it and making his listeners/readers believe is what counts... the fact that you can get us into it and make us read past the rhymes.. awesome

[T-Nashe]

illness, that was some heavy ish.. keep em' cumin'

[Center Sight]

thanks all... up

[Deviate]

Definately nice... Good flow...Nice story...Nice vocabulary... I liked it. Only thing I can really say is maybe make it a little longer and give yourself a chance to express yourself a little more! Oh and nice metaphors of course.

Sorry there wasn't much more for me to say.

If you could check out "You" in my sig I'd appreciate it.

Peace

[Meks.]

nice peace, liked the flow n rhyme scheme shit was dope,
some nice metas, and some nice lines overall... liked the way u wrote this piece,
good drop.

[noncentz]

alot better then the last piece i peeped you are improving and elivating non stop i like your work

[CB03]

This was a very well constructed piece and as JaakDaPhake said man you broadened horizons just hope people get the meanings of OTHER shit that rap entails e.g. creativity, originality etc....

A very nice flowed worked well wih the vocab you used

nice work

[DiCk WaTeRz]

It's writing like this that proves that rap isn't just bullshit about smacking hoes and smoking grass.

thats what rap IS all about!? haha

tight piece... could see it slightly altered for a nice audio verse

[+..Ex-Calibur..+]

Yo, This was a very nice peace, Flow was on point nothing was really that forced it was nice, Keep it up..

[GhettoFabolous]

Wuzz up man? This shit was tyte n different, kept me gripped. I liked how u came at this, multies was tyte metaphors was interestin and ur rhyme scheme was tyte. Overall, this was pretty good. Nice work dogg.

Keep droppin.

1

[Center Sight]

nice feedback everyone, its appreciated

[djb]

yes very good piece it really made me think a lot. i like the speed of this read. fairly consistent but you switched it up in a few parts and that kinda threw me. i like the vocab. unique enough to make it your own and simple enough to get your point across without confusing the reader. word choice was good. and the idea was dope. i would have liked for this to have been just a little bit longer. but i cant complain becuase i liked it a lot. good piece and as my good buddy word mentioned much better then the last couple i read.

[Exculptifactoriusness]

Dope Wordplay, Dope Imagery and dope metas in my opinion.

Good read all around, with some good ass imagery, like in the beginning, where i thought it was the strongest. Good read with good wordplay, vocab was on, and the topic was controlled on throughout the read.

Good Job.