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Thread: a battle with myself (a lil one)

  1. #1
    Newbie
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    a battle with myself (a lil one)

    Yeah im tryna stand up again on my own two feet/
    cause again in my life i have juss tasted defeat/
    momma said to give it my all and thats all i can do/
    but its the next day that im strugglin to get to/
    whats the reason people rhymin? hell i dont even know that shit/
    but everytime i ask that question i never get answer thats legit/
    and i'll dust myself off and brush both of my shoulders/
    cause im now juss lettin off stress heavier than a fuckin boulder/
    and nall yall got it twisted i dont self glorify/
    cause unlike rule i dont want no blood in my eye/
    and im still wonderin why they got my uncle in prison/
    when you faced with so many setbacks its hard to have optimism/
    and sometimes i feel worn out like the sole of old shoes/
    but imma keep rollin outta bed each mornin and keep payin my dues/
    *Droppin More Lines Than A Phone Company
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  2. #2
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    Okay, Not bad ...

    pros: quick and simple, right to the point, and there were some good lines that made me laugh (kinda)

    cons: you may want to up your game alittle, try to put more puns and funnier punchlines, try to use more interesting vocabulary.

    keep doin you
    "Ignorant people are the bane of my existance" -myself

  3. #3
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    thanks for the feedback homie
    *Droppin More Lines Than A Phone Company
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  4. #4
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    You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks

  5. #5
    Dune Methane CrazyCarl's Avatar
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    The was a simple verse. You could have went more in detail with your struggles, and added more emotion. You attempted some wordplay, keep that up. You had some alright ideas, work off them and go in depth to have a more emotional drop.

  6. #6
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    yeah i appreciate that dude thanks for the feed back
    *Droppin More Lines Than A Phone Company
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  7. #7
    yea... Red_'s Avatar
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    yo first of all you betetr drop two links before CREDZ closes this,

    simple to the point drop homie,try to work morre on your punchlines and rhyming concept,i see y0ou got some potential tho,so just keep dropping and elevating

  8. #8
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    *Droppin More Lines Than A Phone Company
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