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Thread: Frostbitten Wounds

  1. February 17th, 2005, 07:59 PM #1
    hollywoodnt
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    Frostbitten Wounds

    Frostbitten Wounds

    Shrouded in cold mystery, I wish i could surrender this feeling
    Deleting mind's history teeter-tottering on the brink of reality
    Leaning towards fatality...feeling the wounds inside my heart
    Caged by bones, guarded by blood, I need an ending to start
    Healing this sharp pain that stabs deep down inside me, prodding me
    Frostbitten wounds can't heal my insecurities, yet their stopping me
    From commiting to removing the blade see...my past is forgotten
    But im reminded from these scars that leave my heart blacknrotten
    Frostbitten...from a cold knife that rests deep inside my epidermis..
    Contorted contortionist.. the things my heart tends to learn from this..
    Biblical bliss.. I covet thy nieghbours wife. stab me. he had every right
    Used to be good friends with family. Frostbitten wounds left cold as ice
    Cold, the vice grip in my heart when I was betraying my best friend
    Wounded, the way he that he left me after he discovered we spent
    Quality time together.... I asked him if we could leave this behind...
    Skip through our minds and hit rewind. Saw the look on his face.. "Nevermind"
    Felt the graze of the knife ...it wasn't the blade that left me frostbitten
    It was the coldness in my heart that left my wounds in a written
    Conspiracy.. This poem. This Life. His blade. His Wife.
    Have left my frostbitten wounds.... Cold as ice.

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...71#post2084671
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=171479
    Last edited by hollywoodnt; February 17th, 2005 at 08:28 PM Reason: posting links
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  2. February 17th, 2005, 08:50 PM #2
    Swift Death
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    i liked the metaphors in this peice... it pulled it together very nicely, i also really like the vocab i though you chose some very interesting peices... seems like you avoided using simple words which made it very complex. Good job here definatly a very nice peice.. the best one ive read today.. even though ive only read a few it's definatly good shit... keep it up man...
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  3. February 18th, 2005, 05:10 PM #3
    hollywoodnt
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    upping for feedback
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  4. February 18th, 2005, 07:09 PM #4
    Worm Tongue
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    this was dope, real dope, nice to see some good talent coming out of my own hometown, anyways, this was real poeticly done and had some strong metaphoars, the flow was dope and it kept me reading through the whole verse without getting bored, nice and short drop

    peACE
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  5. February 18th, 2005, 07:16 PM #5
    Lil Cap0ne
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    man this was doppe nice job good meta and flow and strucure.. i actaully read it with out stooping or getting bored. gj

    keep elevating@!!

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  6. February 18th, 2005, 07:16 PM #6
    Violent.
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    Nice peice, i liked the imagery here. Flowed nice and you had great vocab use.many people jus throw in some long words

    nice peice
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  7. February 18th, 2005, 07:20 PM #7
    r_deezy
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    good shit right here
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  8. February 19th, 2005, 03:38 PM #8
    hollywoodnt
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    thank you, but do you mind giving more feedback. ie. what stood out to you, what can i improve on etc.
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  9. February 19th, 2005, 03:45 PM #9
    Nogood
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    yo that shit was tight man like good job
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