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Thread: Beam Me Up

  1. #1
    Still in the grave Johnny 6-feet's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2002
    Location
    England, Liverpool
    Posts
    5,123
    Battle Record
    8-1

    Beam Me Up

    Word Perfect- creating the machine

    idle- a dead bird...

    An SS league verse of the week. No shit, enjoy.


    Prologue

    its mankind's gift to traverse the earth's surface
    but i acquired an ability to render that gift worthless


    The Story

    i never saw the ambush coming, it was calculated carefully
    they were prepared for me, a group of thugs stood glaringly
    the leader was a monster karmically, i was seeing his ex
    he was a rapist, a torturer, seethingly vexed
    told his friends to hold my arms and took a run up
    trying to fuck my nuts up, take a blade to my chest and cut up
    there was nothing i could do, so my eyes, i screwed shut
    visualised a different place away from these apes with crew cuts
    then it happened, a blur of light, sound and shifting shapes
    the world morphing like listless drapes, violent shit could wait
    my vision cleared and i realised i'd been transported
    back to my house, 5 miles away, my enemies plan thwarted
    i had to touch the walls, test out the texture of floorboards
    i couldn't believe it, this was revelation, a treasure hoard
    i'd been blessed, saved from wrath by mysterious circumstance
    so i tried my luck again and tried to advance
    my eyelids dropped, cleared my mind of thoughts of tropical beaches
    and visualised an alien planet on the universes outer reaches
    the light closed in again surrounding my body oddly
    and just for a laugh as i vanished i cried...

    "beam me up scotty!"

    SS League Record 31-8
    SS HW Champ
    14 x OM HoF



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  2. #2
    Fear Before The March Foreshadow's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    Portland, Oregon
    Posts
    3,107
    Battle Record
    8-8
    I think you beat me with this verse in SS if I'm correct... But naw I dont care about that anymore... This was a real nice piece it had alot of imagery and the story was real nice... Keep dropping

  3. #3
    idle
    Guest
    yeah the plot was weird as fuck... i'm not really into sci-fi shit (i hate it) but i still got to give respect coz you did this really well, nice lines, one or two multi syllable rhyme schemes (always nice in story tacks)

    ''its mankind's gift to traverse the earth's surface
    but i acquired an ability to render that gift worthless''

    this was my favourite line because even though it was sci-fi it made me want to read the whole thing.

    good

  4. #4
    Na~Ledge
    Guest
    Nice drop. Really enjoyed the imagery. I always get into any piece where the word are put together well enough for me to picture the events in my head. Nice drop Johnny.

  5. #5
    Po'Ethics
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    London
    Age
    37
    Posts
    1,212
    Battle Record
    6-4
    I liked this a lot... Great flow... Good balance of vocab... Nice story. It maybe could've been a little longer but that's no big problem. I don't really have much to say except nice work.

    Thanks for the useful feedback on "Messiah Complex"

    Peace
    Po'Ethics Lives

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