she broke my heart

[conquistador]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...41#post2077641

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...91#post2077691


Damn...look how the tables turn
From fools the wise learn
I guess I gotta let it burn
moving on............
she a size 8 and cook great
Pasta shells shake and shrimp well made
well made?
Yeah God's greatest yet
Nevermind R.kelly...we had the greatest sex
So good I had nightmares of her cheating
she made my dreams true for no reason
My hearts bleeding
Like she emptied the clip
I remember eating her slick while she clinched her lips
She used to wake me up and stare at me till I hit it
To usher new release track 20
I still hear it
I hid her pictures cause they arouse my hate
Done felonies to stack cake
To take her out on a date
Like first we hit the mall and you take my card
Go get what you want.......spend it all.....try hard
My god.....what I do to deserve this
For the first time love has made me feel sick
the pain sticks....like a peanut butter and jelly
Nothing could have prepared me
I thought I treated her fairly
But fuck it .......situations just like this
Are the reason why men call women a bitch
Fuck it....I hustled for you and worked two jobs
Made 3 grand in a month doing crimes unsolved
What caused you to do what you did?
Tell someone who cares cause I don't give a shit
That hustle money sick I'ma trick my whip with it
Finally can get ferrari doors in the mix





you know what I'm real pissed right now...and this shit is truer than true. I am gonna use the money I saved to splurge on my girl 10hours away on car parts......

[big j da fat boy]

yo dat shit was hot. i liked how you used ery thang against her. but i could relate to dat. keep on makin em ryme peace out dawg

[idle]

check the proper feedback.

i though th piece had alot of emotion, but i felt some off the lines were quite weak like the line about ''peanut butter and jelly'' which i felt detracted from the piece and therefore lessened the overall effect. i think it would have been better if you used some metaphors and anallergys instead of similies.

''Nothing could have prepared me
I thought I treated her fairly
But fuck it .......situations just like this
Are the reason why men call women a bitch''

i thought this was the best part of the open mic. because it was honest, and was true that sometimes men feel they do everything right but still get left and can only explain what happened by calling the girl a bitch.

try to make the piece more complex or showing the story from the womens point of view.

5/10, ok

[conquistador]

thanks lil homies. unlike most rb members I will try to apply what you write because in the end it's for your enjoyment anyway

[heartless creep]

i know what you're going through, i've had a few bitches cheat on me and i can relate, i loved it and it made me think back to past relationships and shit. keep it up.

[conquistador]

thanks lil homie...see all I wanna do is write verses that you can relate to because that's who goes platinum, not the people with absolutely perfect rhymes....anyway thanks for not calling my shit wack