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Thread: as i spit this

  1. February 9th, 2005, 09:44 PM #1
    dope_emcee_420
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    as i spit this

    i need some advice and suggestions on this, some opinions too....lemme know what u think


    watch as i spit this, rip this
    i spit this shit like its balistic
    you look inside my mind its fuckin twisted
    i dont give a shit if you think you can rip it
    its just a kick in the dick to deal with this shit
    people saying shit, "you such a fucking misfit"
    bitch, i'll yell out to your mrs.
    "suck my motherfucking dick dipshit"
    so sadistic, so drunk off of liquid
    smoked a pound of skunk now im twisted
    i be like, "whatd you say? i missed it"
    even drunk, even high, i can still whip all you niggas
    whip out my dick and dick-whip all you bitches
    or pistol whip, i dont give a shit
    and whoever's listening to this shit
    yo, check it out, just pay attention bitch
    as i spit it just try to invision it
    try to invision one minute i be fine
    next minute i be like a schitzophrenic mind
    so much pain wrapped up inside my mind
    and from time to time i like whiling out being violent
    naw, i knew you was talking shit about me,
    quit trying to hide it, i dont buy it
    dont deny it, now, i know your lying
    so why even try it?



    i dont know how to end it....any suggestions??
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  2. February 9th, 2005, 10:36 PM #2
    dope_emcee_420
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    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthr...715#post2052715

    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthr...731#post2052731
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  3. February 10th, 2005, 08:56 PM #3
    dope_emcee_420
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    come on u fuckers.....post sum shit on this...y'all just look at it and not post nothin.... say ur opinions on it damnet! suggestions.... changes, w/e.....
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  4. February 10th, 2005, 09:30 PM #4
    Facts Machine
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    good multis and flow was aight. u just gotta get creative and drop somethin eye-poppinish. work on structure and concepts.
    keep elevaten.
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  5. February 10th, 2005, 09:36 PM #5
    WhiteNoise
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    nice, i thought it was good u should try to come up with a lil more creative rhymes but i think u did good on this one, i like the agressiveness of ur flow keep spittin and u will get better with time
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  6. February 10th, 2005, 10:33 PM #6
    CrazyCarl
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    Nice raw verse. The verse had good vocab to it. It could have used some wordplay, so work on that, it could have brought up the quality in some spots.
    Return the feedback
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=168531
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  7. February 10th, 2005, 10:41 PM #7
    sILLable
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    it was tight, needed better consistency and a better rhyme scheme,a little more wordplay...u said "shit" too many times,but other than that,ill shit.keep droppin and elevatin.~1~


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  8. February 10th, 2005, 10:46 PM #8
    Young DGOD
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    nah it wasnt good at all man...im not even gon lie...stop all da cussin nigga find mo words to substitute for them, but im saying tho this is just my conviction but i know for a fact that aint NOBODY gon put you in a studio and do a track wit a foulmouth like that thunny lay of da cuss words man you will elevate
    "im too outta da cup otha words im too fluid// stop distrubitin' da green//starting making rap music//cause seein my pops in prison was my infleunece"


    YOUNG D IS DA ILLEST BATTLER I GURANTEE DAT SHIT THUNNY...OUTTA DA FAYETTENAUM....NC....YALL NIGGAS AINT READY

    YOUNG-D and SQUAD UP's album on da street market now:
    " We Alreddy In Da Buildin' "

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    GET DAT SHIT
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  9. February 11th, 2005, 09:55 PM #9
    dope_emcee_420
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    thanx yall...even good and bad replys on it ill take...i still need 2 elevate...thanx again
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  10. February 11th, 2005, 11:15 PM #10
    da1swtsensation
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    i think this had very good vocab and i liked it
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  11. February 11th, 2005, 11:33 PM #11
    JustInsane
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    1st u need to chill on the cursing expand ur vocab.also u used 2 many of the same words way too many times. try picking a certain subject to write about.ummm also try not using such easy rhyming sounds(mind fine rip shit spit this etc...) besides this i do see potential use this cretiquing to expand peace
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  12. February 12th, 2005, 11:25 AM #12
    sick thoughtz
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    this was garbage call the garbage man to come pick up this trash
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