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Thread: Marrying money ain't funny...

  1. #1
    Veteran Born To Kill's Avatar
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    Marrying money ain't funny...

    Plastic penguins close in on me, surrounding my old ass…
    Reflective chills cut into me like I’m drowning in cold glass.
    Fake ass faggits with disposable smiles expecting of me…
    To be ok with the racket, go on and act it, be their buddy.
    So I smile and raise my flute, reluctantly toast my new life…
    Tasting bile, I accept my loot, insincerely honor my new wife.
    Take hold of jeweled knife and slice cake instead of wrists…
    I thought of suicide, but would rather feed this bitch my fist.
    But my greed insists on me making good on this hitch…
    Otherwise life depicts me going back to digging that ditch.
    Construction forever, or bid farewell to pride and spine…
    I feel I deserve better, than to have to hide what’s mine.
    But there’s an order here, I’ll get jumped like checkers…
    I can’t do any pecking; she’s now in charge of my pecker.
    Never will I have any say; I’ll always be told what to do…
    The money my wife makes is really what writes the rules.
    She’s no fool, she knows she controls and she loves it…
    I’m merely a tool she can hold and let her body covet.
    So what of it? She’s beautiful and busy; I’ll have free time…
    I get to fuck a rich babe dizzy and still drop these rhymes.
    Dress better than fools, drive hotter rides than you…
    Travel and vacation while you punch a time clock, dude.
    It’s true, but a soul regrets the trade for this mess, scam…
    Cuz you’ll be your own man while I’m saying “yes ma’am”.

  2. #2
    Veteran Born To Kill's Avatar
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    Last edited by Born To Kill; February 11th, 2005 at 10:48 AM

  3. #3
    Po'Ethics
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    Very nice... Great flow... Nice vocab... Maybe a little longer with a little more structure... I liked it though. I'm just trying to find something to criticise here... I really like it... Nice story.

    Sorry there's not more I can say.

    Peace
    Po'Ethics Lives

  4. #4
    good shit man, the flow was really nice...but damn you make it sound like you're life is in the gutter and I agree. Married a rich girl, go on vacation, drive hot ass rides...yeah you got it real bad...haha

  5. #5
    Veteran Born To Kill's Avatar
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    Well, dude...

    It's fiction, my life is totally opposite that.

    I make the money, wife doesn't work.

    I'm just using the ole imagination, man.

  6. #6
    Just some old ass account Devastator™'s Avatar
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    I'm feeling the whole story telling theme. The intro was interesting, its like"yo what the heck" and then it converts from one small piece of the puzzle to the big picture.

    But there’s an order here, I’ll get jumped like checkers…
    I can’t do any pecking; she’s now in charge of my pecker.
    Never will I have any say; I’ll always be told what to do…
    The money my wife makes is really what writes the rules

    The dominatrix innuendos are dope. LoL. I think its funny. sorry if it wasn't meant to be. I still liked it.

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  7. #7
    Fear Before The March Foreshadow's Avatar
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    This was a good read I liked the story it caught my attention real fats and I was hook. I liked this alot better then you last piece but it was real good.

  8. #8
    Banned
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    Cool Piece BTK. I liked it.

    Good Imagery and Intresting Imagination,
    I liked it alot, opening was clean & as the
    story progress, your verse didnt fade off.

    8.5/10

    Read My Pain.

  9. #9
    Veteran Born To Kill's Avatar
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    ^^^ Thanks, dude!

  10. #10
    ninjaboy
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    i thought this was cool, some real har metaphors in there. and if that's not the truth then good imagination. it's cool that you can put yourself in someone elses shoes to write a rhyme like this. fav meta was:

    Plastic penguins close in on me, surrounding my old ass…
    Reflective chills cut into me like I’m drowning in cold glass

    hit up my latest, beautiful day, thanx. peace

  11. #11
    The True Psycho of RB
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    This was really dope.
    The structure was good, great vocab, nice flow.
    It was a good short story rhyme you got deep on there which i always like in verses. There was some great lines throughout it but the first 2 and last 2 lines stood out the most 2 me.

    Return the favour.
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=170524

  12. #12
    Newbie
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    Overall i liked this the structure could use a little work but the flow and imagery were good

  13. #13
    Kid A Stuff'd Aminol's Avatar
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    extremely dope, nice flow, nice vocab and great description, the first line did it for me and the way you portray a lot of the things you are talking about is great for instance "faggots with disposable smiles" anyways, nice subject and good way of putting it.

  14. #14
    Will Merk You
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    yo that pecker line was hilarious... lol... this is a real nice piece, stayed well on topic.. stayed fluent, some kool creative lines, u dont like ya wifey man??? good luck with ya marriage.. but as far as this OM goes i felt it all the way through it was an original piece, stay up BTK

    peep this out for me?
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=170305
    Good Luck. You're Gonna Need It.

  15. #15
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    yea bro i liked ur shit........good vocab................nice flow........i got a good vibe from that stuff.....so keep on spittin and ill look for some more stuff from u..........keep spittin........

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