16-24 lines
Topic = Tear Stained Cheeks
Due in bout an hour
Normal Rules
Good Luck
Anemia
Lyric
16-24 lines
Topic = Tear Stained Cheeks
Due in bout an hour
Normal Rules
Good Luck
A few achievements here and there
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check in, good luck...............................
Check .
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Am I, real...crazy or insane to think I can feel no pain
Am I, bent, broken and lame with no career or no fame
Am I, afraid, living in shame in the eyes of the meek
I'm, split down the middle, with a tear on each cheek
And as I, continue my journey, my quest for life's answers
I, breathe life into hell's creatures,
...Introducing them to saints and breeding teachers
.............And I, myself on a personal level,
Am embarrassed to say I've sold my soul to the devil.
I, gravol at the feet of God, asking for the forgiveness he speaks
And as I, feel a drop touch my head, a tear rolls down his cheeks
Heaven leaks as I, take a second look at my life
Torchered and confused I remembered the lights
Going out and in the blink of an eye
.....I, lit up the sky and lost my mind
I, killed this guy and I now know why, it's so hard to talk of love
Sometimes thoughts are caught upon the wings of a dove...
But brotherly love, damn...that something that I, just cant think of
And the last time that I, looked into his eyes...
...His, soul was cleansed by the tears of his speech
That's why I, feel free to have these tear streaked cheeks.
sorry in regards to the brutal font...............
Tear Stained Cheeks
She sits at the window, waiting ever so patiently
Lazily cradling her new born baby dangerously
Umbilical cord still attached, no doctors present
No one to share the joy with this young peasant
Just 16 years old, alone and cold with no home
Another damsel in distress, waiting for her hero
Not the man who raped her, and faked his faith
Then when she was giving birth…
….locked her in this deserted place
An abandoned farm home, just cause she was trusting
Four stories up, locked in the room with nothing
No one for miles around, no fam to notice she’s gone
She’ll only be a mother, until they both pass on
Cheeks stained with tears, and blood from her creation
Should she jump to certain death, or die from starvation
She stopped crying an hour ago…
…couldn’t waste the hydration
Doomed to die with her baby in undeserving isolation
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Let the voting commence .
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COme on now, dont sleep .
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I thoguht that this was getting votes.
Anemia you had a decent verse to be honest with you. Although it was real hard to read. But there wasnt an interesting story to go with it and that drug your piece down. You did a nice job.
Lyric you did a nice job and your piece was interesting. I liked the way your piece layed out and it caught me attention. You had a good story and a nice rhyme scheme.
vote lyric.
Uppin #3...drop links .
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Yo, Good Verses
Vote Here:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=169828
Breakdown-
Anemia, Your structure is hard to read,
I had to copy and paste u'r verse into
Word, just so i could vote on this battle.
So, -1 for you to start. Just Play'n.
Naw, overall you verse was really well done.
Im impressed. Things i really liked were how
you used to topic in your verse. it wasnt
just put in the middle to make it work, it was
a nice piece. I didnt like the open so much..
questions are vauge. i dont like em.
overall
7/10.
Lyric-
Better Peice. Everythings there for such a short peice.
Very Nice
8.5/10
good topical battle done well by both of you at times i felt the anemais verse was nice s steady but at times was very hard to read due to the small felt but also i did read the whole verse it was creative lyric i liked your verse alot with how it flowed and the way you aprroached the topic very great read and im sorry but i felt lyric took it with better emotion good drops but
vote....Lyric
well, 3-0... props to lyric on the nice storyline.
up 1...
(only battles of mine that dont get slept on are vs. vets)
close battle both came dope. lyric had a better flow and structure and anemia flowed bad and structure was bad and many lines stretched. more emotion was felt by anemia, but lyric had a more interesting peice and there were parts where anemia bored me becuz he seemed typical and wasn't as creative as lyric. so lyric gets my vote...
vote/Lyric
LINK IN MY SIG, IT'S A TOPICAL AS WELL....VOTE HONESTLY. thx.
it was a good battle and both stayed on topic but lyric hit the topic harder and with more feeling so my vote goes to him i also like the way animea wrote his
v/lyric
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