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Thread: My One Uniqueness Is My Deepness

  1. January 24th, 2005, 12:31 PM #1
    Novacain
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    My One Uniqueness Is My Deepness

    My One Uniqueness Is My Deepness
    ::

    Apart from scarred feelings and my broken heart with meanings
    Im starting to see things, believe things.
    I can't help if Im weakening, my strength isnt deepening.
    My one uniqueness is my deepness, at times you don't see this really.
    You see and hear it as my weakness breathing freely.
    It seems easy and these things things that release from me, they are me.
    They hurt me, they harm me. Please have the decency to read these sentences,
    And try be on my frequency.
    Try to see me as the words, then you'll see why its so hard.
    These lines aren't prison, but Im trapped between bars.
    The scars that I have aren't physically expressed.
    They're written down skillyfull by one so mentally repressed.
    My desk is the shoulder I use to sigh against.
    My pen is my soldier I use to cry and paint the pictures I create.
    Paper is my saviour, I favour this state of succession of expression.
    Its an obsession which I question...
    I feel Im infested with sessions of letters that pester.
    I bleed ink through my heart, I test my strength holding a pen.
    I start off neatly and the rhymes come descretly, but then the waves that are sent to my brain...
    I have to vent them so quickly, they drive me insane.
    I blame myself for these games that I play, but they help me gain piece of mind.
    I write all the time too escape this life thats mine.
    I hide behind rhymes because I can't fight with lines.
    My one uniqueness is my deepness, please try and see this...
    ::


    ---------
    This was all written in one paragraph, lol, I changed it too post it but if the structure's off... Thats why

    Uppin for feed on this...

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=167018
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=167044
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  2. January 24th, 2005, 01:32 PM #2
    kwik_trigger
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    this was good... you obviously like to write... as i read it i could actually see you writing it... i can relate to this in ways... this piece as a whole was pretty good... keep droppin

    Try to see me as the words, then you'll see why its so hard.
    These lines aren't prison, but Im trapped between bars.

    i don know why but that stuck out to me a lil...
    "Darkness can not drive out darkness;
    only light can do that.
    Hate can not drive out hate;
    only love can do that." -Martin Luther King Jr
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  3. January 24th, 2005, 02:20 PM #3
    TheFatSkinny
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    easy to flow with, emotion was there.........lyrics were nicely crafted... alot of thought in this it seems.... vocabulary was nice too...
    likeing the spacing of it, i know it has nothing to do with writing, but when someone doesn't space it out properly, it's alot harder to folow

    good looks dogg

    $ DOT FAT




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  4. January 24th, 2005, 04:36 PM #4
    Atti
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    Awards Legendary PC - Award Request Accepted Legendary Member - Award Request Accepted Legendary OM - Award nomination from Spree accepted. SS HW Champion - Award nomination from Spree accepted. Haiku Champion - Award nomination from Spree accepted. OM HOF - Award nomination from Spree accepted. OM HOF - Award Request Accepted PC HOF
    Pretty Nice Peace Fams...
    Very Nice Emotion And The Metas Were Pretty Good...
    Storyline Wasnt Anything Especially Intriquite Or Complex...
    It Was A Straight Forward "Feeling" Piece...
    Wich Isnt Necisarily A Bad Thing Because You Did A Very Nice Job...
    The Flow Nice And Steady, Not Complex But Not Entirely Basic...

    Uuuuuum Things I Would Recomend...
    Maybe Tryn Break Up Your Work Alittle More...
    Into More Verses And Throw A Chorus In Make The Read Seem Shorter...
    Cuz When Its In Bulk Like That So Times The Reader Just Zones...
    Is Reading The Words But Not Necisarily Taking Them In...
    A Chorus Allows A Break For The Reader Because The Chorus Is Just Repeating...

    Uuuuum Ya Thats It...
    But I Really Loved The Emotion Here...
    Very Nice Peace...
    And I'd Apreciate It If You Could Return The Favor:

    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=166626

    Thanks Alot Mayn, Stay Up...
    .One.
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    abstanticollective.
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  5. January 24th, 2005, 05:41 PM #5
    Novacain
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    Thanks...

    And yeh kwik trigger... That line stuck out to me when i was writing it.

    Uppin this?
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  6. January 24th, 2005, 05:43 PM #6
    Atti
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    Awards Legendary PC - Award Request Accepted Legendary Member - Award Request Accepted Legendary OM - Award nomination from Spree accepted. SS HW Champion - Award nomination from Spree accepted. Haiku Champion - Award nomination from Spree accepted. OM HOF - Award nomination from Spree accepted. OM HOF - Award Request Accepted PC HOF
    ^^^, Return The Favor Please...
    The Link Is At The Bottom Of My Responce...
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  7. January 24th, 2005, 06:18 PM #7
    STAT$
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    This was koo.....seemed more like a poem to me but still real nice
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  8. January 24th, 2005, 06:50 PM #8
    Omniscient
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    This was good dogg...your structure was good...the vocab was good...and your flow was good because it made it easy to read...overall 9/10 good drop dogg...great drop dogg keep it up
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  9. January 24th, 2005, 09:05 PM #9
    sILLable
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    this was a tight piece,nice imagery,good multis,did have a hint of deep poetry in it,good vocab,tight piece all in all.keep droppin tha hotness.~1~


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  10. January 25th, 2005, 12:02 AM #10
    lyrically_insane
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    damn dawg this was a tight drop......ill give it 9/10....it seemed more like a poem though? but thats probrably just me?
    VERBAL INTERCOURSE
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  11. January 25th, 2005, 06:24 AM #11
    Novacain
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    I suppose yeh, you could say this was poetry...

    But that kinda gets slept on, and I pretty much always drop my piece's as OM's, bcoz that what I write them as.

    Thanks peeps

    Uppin
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  12. January 25th, 2005, 10:00 AM #12
    warchild
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    this was a nice verse, good descriptive deep rhymes.
    the flow and structure was both good but the emotion and imagery in the verse made it dope.

    hit this up.
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=167404
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  13. January 25th, 2005, 12:37 PM #13
    TheReinvention
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    Dang.. I believe it was tight! Not Dope, but you had a good piece here. Good job, I thought you did good on the multies, and you had it good on structure. Your flow was down, your vocab was aight, you coulda used alittle more decent vocab. But all together, you did great!

    Overall: 9/10 Good job! Alot of potential bro!
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  14. January 25th, 2005, 01:16 PM #14
    LM
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    This was more poetic than anythin...

    But still the creativity and imagery in here was brilliant. Flow was good and as I read it I got more and more interested, which is rare nowadays on here. I aint a big fan of centerin the text but it didnt really put me off at all here.

    Keep droppin
    LM
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    ...The Rhymes
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  15. January 25th, 2005, 02:01 PM #15
    CelticOne
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    the structure was a bit hard to follow as you said itd be but otha than that you got a solid drop here, you really did a good job of describin the emotions that go into what you write, your vocabulary is good, i duno man i kinda wanna hear more from ya so keep doin it up, i like all that dark poetic shit (even tho im no good at it)

    return the fav:
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=167413
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