Man's Image

[warchild]

This is a verse i wrote 2 days ago its just some introspective stuff.

picture me, painting poetic pictures with my history
why i live my life high is a mystery
i do more than weave these words together
when im gone ill leave these words forever
for anyone young or old to listen
or for those whos soul is missing
when its released i recapture my rage
the devil likes my delivery so hes after my page
tears will tarnish a mans image
so im heartless till my plans finished
im a thug but my weapons are two fists
everyday of life is a lesson but who missed
out on the chance to learn something
my characters cold so i gotta burn something
ill continue to put stress in beats
till its the day i rest in peace

please dont sleep on this verse actuall read and understand whay im saying if anybody hates on this then fuck you.

[Novacain]

Man, if sum1 hates this let them hate, its just there opinion.

I liked this, you had decent lines and if people say sumthing about rhyming the same word, i think that came across well, this was probably better rapped/spit than read, but it was decent.

One bad thing, which isnt as bad as some other peoples, but its the punctuality, I know its the way you write, but it'd help the piece look better and flow better IMO, but thats just picking

Nice drop Warchild

Return the reply
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=166208
Thanks

[Jai-Cee]

Nice verse, short and sweet...

I think you could have elaborated on it a bit, and maybe condensed the topic slightly - as it was quite vague. Some above average vocab - better than the wannabe thug/gangsta kids who drop stuff in OM...

Flow worked well, and I'm going to pick up on a point that Novacain made, about the rhyming the same words. Most of the time, I don't like it, but you used a rhyming couplet that was probably over looked... I'll explain... You rhymed 'something' twice, however you also rhymed the word before it - learn something / burn something, which is acceptable, and works...

Perhaps the imagery was lacking slightly, this is also an area that a lot of people need to work one, me included. Just try using some more adjectives, and some metaphors and it'll come...

Anyway, alright drop...

Keep elevating...

RTF
Nice Guys Finish Last

Peace

[warchild]

links:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=166389
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=166124

[.Genocide.]

broken.spacebar.


this.was.a.pretty.good.drop.here....


i.do.think.that.imagery.could.have.made.this.piece .feel.more.emotional....

you.had.good.flow...nice.structure...would.have.li ked.to.see.more..........

but.obviously.you.wanted.it.to.be.short........

nothing.really.great.here...but.it.was.a.nice.piec e.....good.stuff....

[Raid-R]

i liked ur ryme scheme and I could tell which lines went with which easily
Check out mine
If I was Rolling with shady after math and hated Ja-Rule

[warchild]

decent replies but i need a couple more.

[warchild]

uppin.

[Mag...]

yea you had decent internals but ya structure seemed a bit off

not quite the greatest multies but you had good imagery and shit

keep dropping