Nice Guys Finish Last (SS Verse)

[Jai-Cee]

Nice Guys Finish Last

Muse on why niceties seldom bring success…
Each loser blessed with losing in each contest…
Trailing to winners who’d lose and get vexed…
Still content with always achieving second best…
Every nice guy is seen in jest, too fast to lose…
Chose not to be persecuted but still abused…
Fuels belief hence praying for triumph in the pews…
As the battles for heaven and hell still ensues…
A believer views conquests as heavenly praise...
Trying to sway fate every time that he prays…
Claiming achievements in any of Gods names…
Yet champions curse divinity if it doesn’t go his way…
Playing on his mind and so faith becomes distant…
Losing Gods Midas touch all in an instant…
Displaying symptoms of a man less Gods assurance…
Winning becomes more vital than deity importance…
The nice guy is defeated, and he’s come last again…
Still prays that some day he will eventually reign…
Through all the suffering and onslaught of pain…
He’ll muster up a winning will in his veins…
Not after the fame, just wants to claim perfection…
Channels all his hard work in one direction…
Aims for higher elation and joyous revelations…
Losing again, God testing the strength of his patience?
Nice guy prevails and his fortitude shines owing to…
His endurance, proving that not all nice guys lose…


Read It!!!!!! By CarlosBarrett
New Song. <I need some help..> By Genetic Carnage

Pea-Easy

[Jai-Cee]

feed please?

[AbusivE]

structure was good..not as much multis as their could be, but it still flowed nice.. emotion was good.. vocab was pretty good, nice and complex...could understand what you were saying in this verse, i liked it..overal i liked this peice, keep droppin stuff like this

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=166296

[noncentz]

Complex Real Vibrant Word Uasage Message Is Convayed And Delivey Emaculate I Have To Say This Gets A Rare 10/10 Vote From My Senor Citizen Ass. Stay Up Great Work

[Jai-Cee]

Def~By~Mouf - wanna nomminate it for OM HoF?

Thanks for feed peeps...

[Jai-Cee]

Hup... Hup... and Away...

[sNoopfox]

Well the title got me! made me wanna read it all the way through...and the opening line flowed like a wet dream too:

Muse on why niceties seldom bring success…

Creative use of words play, just rolled off the tongue and made me wanna read on.
The impression I got from the poem is that, the nice guys tend to accept seconds best, content and almost quite meek...the nice guy knows what he wants and stays on the path...his faith is tested and trialed even when he comes last...the champions pursue many directions and claim different victories in places, occasionally come last...but the nice guy is on a completely different journey, almost one of self suffering and he endures it...he doesnt give up...therefor he's a winner.
I related to this quite personally to be honest.

The rhyme scheme flowed...this line threw me abit:

The nice guy is defeated, and he’s come last again…
Still prays that some day he will eventually reign…
Through all the suffering and onslaught of pain…
He’ll muster up a winning will in his veins…
Not after the fame, just wants to claim perfection…

after 4 similar rhyming couplets, when you suddenly brought in 'perfection' it stunted my flow abit.

But over all, the flow was good. Vocab was pretty solid and nice imagry...

A solid poem, and because I know you personally, it seemed even better because I wouldnt really associate that topic with u and u still hit alot of truth.

Good Job.

sNoopfox

[Omniscient]

Yo this was good dogg...good structure and vocab...thought u should've had more multis but its alright...i understood what u was sayin good drop...keep it up dogg

[Jai-Cee]

Up... More feed...

[Jai-Cee]

Bounce...

[Jai-Cee]

feed...?

Pathetic...

[Dan Dare]

Nice play on the topic, and it seemed like you gave it some serious thought. Metrically and syntactically it was good, I don't agree with what sNoopfox up there^ said. I think that the odd lines that stick out like that, add more to the 'flow' of the piece than subtract from it. The best of MCs will do that at times. Allow me to provide an example, this is from MF Doom's track, Peeyano Keys:

"Last wish, I wish I had two more wishes
And I wished they fixed the door to the matrix's mad glitches
Spit so many lines sometimes my jaw twitches
One thing this party could use is more...... Booze.."

^^ Notice that the last line doesn't actually rhyme with the other three. It's an actual rhyme scheme though, and it sounds ill when Doom says it, IMO. It depends how the beat sounds though. This is why when you critique flow in a text drop, you're ultimately fighting a loosing battle.

Anyway, as far as the content goes, it was good, try to come more complex with your imagery if possible, but still, this was nice. The Midas line stood out more than any of the others. I really enjoyed reading this, it's a good verse overall. Good luck with the match.

[warchild]

i liked it, good structure tight flow, a deep message some nice animated rhymes overall a tight verse.

[Jai-Cee]

to the top...

[Jai-Cee]

Drop links I'll return the feed...

Pixel