Welcome to the Age of the Nuclear Bomb...

[Deviate]

This is a little something I wrote last night... Spent about 30 mins or so and showed it to a few rappers I know and got some good feedback. This is my first venture into the public and so I'd appreciate some comments and tips. I've got another one or two to post in the next few days.

The topic is strange I know but after reading so many raps about poverty and sadness I just thought of the ultimate problem that would affect us all. Anyway enough of this shit here it is...

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inconcequential prolonging of the silence
with time the world has finally resorted to violence
as the rain splatters on the cracked turf
it seems like God's cryin' for his long dead earth
apocalyptic clouds rise over the horizon
as people flee looking for asylum
farmers in their fields gaze into the distance
seein nothin but the end of existence
5,4,3,2,1
the clock ticks down to the sound of a gun
cities swept away
bringin the world to the end of its day
they sit in their homes wonderin what could've happened
how could they have ignored what was fashioned
suddenly the rain stops
as the window panes drop
the plants wither
as the bombs drop over the river
a sudden flash of light
embarks us on a new type of blight
welcome to the age of the nuclear bomb
shattered glass litters the roads
remnants of life leaves this story untold
one day they'll walk through our streets
look across the wasteland through the heat
and they'll make the ultimate queries
they'll ponder the thoughts that have plagued us for centuries
they'll ask themselves why?
how could we have thought are actions would be benign
we re-wrote genesis in the wake of our lies
we acheived what we always wanted
we've got worldwide peace being flaunted
no need for guns
no need for tanks
no need for planes
no need for pain
there's no one left to instigate violence
we've all been fused into silence
an end to struggle and strife
our world serving as a charred black period to mark the end of life.

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Decent feedbacks...
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=166309

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=166208

[Novacain]

Man, drop your links before they closed this 'coz i was really feelin this.
Don't put them in your sig, put them on the OM itself.

The drop was hot, all round a very nice piece, simple yet effective.
One thing i didnt get is your structure, try make it more appealing to the eye man and you're set.

Nice drop

[Deviate]

Sorted.. Thanks for the input... Yeah I was going to mention that it wasn't in any particular order apart from the end. It just comes into my head and comes out like that. I've left it that way.

But yeah thanks I appreciate the input.