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Thread: Time Heals...?

  1. #1

    Time Heals...?

    Time heals...?


    3 months after you died...
    ::
    Oh
    My God... Oh My God... Help me, I can't take this...
    I can't believe this, how do I face this?
    You weren't only my girl, you were my wife...
    You weren't only my world boo, you where my life...
    You slept in my arms, You resisted my charms until we touched palms,
    I protected you from harm until you'd died in my arms...
    I see your face in the mirror, I shake my head but it only gets clearer...
    You start to disappear as I get nearer...
    They say times the best healer, its like it just happened yesterday.
    I hear either you move on or you die, I'll get to see you then anyway.
    Everyday that passes its seems to get harder in every way...
    And any day that I face the world without you,
    Is a day that I make haste and get closer to seeing you.
    Me and you, I believe in you... Help me move on boo until I can be with you...

    6 months after God took you from me...
    ::
    I
    hate you God... Why did you take her?
    She was my Angel first, why did you make her leave?
    You may of created her, but I believe I was the one that made her.
    I know I Dreamt her into life, and you intervened later.
    She was mine man, how could you take her from me?
    Hell yeh Im angry, Im lonely... I think the jokes on me.
    But I know its not a joke, she'll always be gone see?
    And it was you who took her, I hope you're happy.
    Its too bad for me that I cant react happily.
    Time is a healer? then why its laughin' at me?
    She was my only love, You didnt have a right...
    But please God, make my dreams be of her tonight...

    18 months pass after we parted ways...
    ::
    I
    met someone new today, she reminded me of you...
    Not in everyway, little things like her smile, her eyes were that shade of blue...
    Her walk and her hair, she even walked the way you do!
    The way you did... But hey, anything to get me through will do, true?
    I seen your Mom the other day, she looked the other way...
    I couldn't think why, I guess it still hurts her in some way.
    She's not alone, I hope she's not lonely.
    But I guess there's nothing I can do if she wont even know me.
    I don't care anyway, you were who I trusted with my love.
    I never quite got enough, I still lust for your touch,
    But I know I'll see you again, and thats because I love you.
    I send this with a kiss, my friend... Im always thinking of you.

    4 years since that day...
    ::
    Todays
    my wedding day, Was it you who sent the rain?
    I know there's a better way for you to releave your pain...
    Dont forget that your name is tattoo'd on my chest...
    As long as its there, Ill always know Im blessed...
    Its for the best I move on, move forward, move around...
    I know that its awkward when you look down and see her here with me.
    But Ill always see you in my dreams, the one pleace she cant be with me.
    Its not easy to accept this I know, But just let it go,know Ill always be with you.
    Ill always think of you, and Ill always miss you...

    5 years since we parted ways...
    ::
    ...Goodbye.


    ---------

    Its pretty simple and a little rushed... If you only knew how quick wrote this, lol.
    As always feedback is appreciated


    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...7&page=2&pp=15
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=165316
    Last edited by Novacain; January 15th, 2005 at 08:30 PM

  2. #2
    ...practice makes poetry
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Posts
    2,700
    Battle Record
    4-1
    not a bad story... you were doing well through most of it...

    much of your phrasing was fine... I thought the rhymes were a little base... you could have had a little more intricate style...

    in the end it was worth the read...
    Hence Forward

  3. #3
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
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    35
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    nice drop! emotion was goood...flow and structure was also good, vocab could use some work, but you didnt really need it in here... nothin bad to say abotu this, it was a good read. keep droppin stuff like this, i'll be watchin for more..

  4. #4
     
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
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    2,643
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    Nice. This Could Of Been Improved With The Rhyme Schemes. Eg You Rhymed Way With Way And This With This. I Liked The Way You Set Up Each Section.

    Keep It Up

  5. #5
    Thanks for the feed, it is pretty basic but I did write it pretty quick.

    Thanks

    Uppin

  6. #6
    Young BoE
    Guest
    Dopeness...... I really like the story topic, and the flow you had was good. It was writtin like it actually happened to you. Good job man. & keep doing your thing.

  7. #7
    LiTeSknBaby F.A.M.'s Avatar
    Join Date
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    Battle Record
    11-8
    okay i love the story line i love the structure and ima tell you the first and the last verse were the strongest in the middle it was bascily like you was just throwin words in and you lost the feelin but you regained that in the end,,i was feelin this shit it was creative i cant say i ever seen it like this....if this shit isnt your true story its somebody ya heard this shit was nice...

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  8. #8
    Live, Love, Burn, Die
    Join Date
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    Location
    Florida
    Age
    35
    Posts
    7,724
    Battle Record
    2-5
    I love that. The last verse was nice. I loved the whole story.

  9. #9
    Thanks, and no, this didnt happen to me i just imaginatized it! lol

    Thanks

    Uppin

  10. #10
    Newbie
    Join Date
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    Trinidad
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    i like the idea , and the rhymes and lines suit the emotion , u have yet to disaapoint me , keep doin what u do best
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  11. #11
    Awaken
    Guest
    this was a good read, considering how fast you wrote it, it wasn't that bad. The flow fell off a few times in the first couple of verses, but the rest stayed on throughout the rest of the piece. the story was pretty good considering most love stories are like ''bleh, played out'' but you had a different perspective on it than most. That's all i have to say, since the rest was already said above.

  12. #12
    Thanks Stealth, thanks Awaken

    Uppin

    Leave decent feed and a link, and ill hit yours up

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