man... FUCK this - y'all lambs just suck dick
corrupted by shiny productions
while my mind is luscious - voluptuous
sensually my mental seed uplifts
y’all got nursery rhymes - fuckin’ playing peek-a-boo
while in every verse of mine what I’m saying speaks to you
hey - check the recent news - then deny these are the last days
when a few crashing waves make so many lives pass away
tell ya’ pastor to pray - act like it’s mass every day
world’s passing away an’ you wan’na laugh an’ play?
while I ask for a way to finally do the impossible
yeah, there’s a point here - not just givin’ my cock a pull
swallowin’ rocket fuel so I can spit an’ mock at you
from a place above an’ outside ya pretty box ya’ tool
this is gospel, fool - I see the pettiness
the steady shit - war, famine, disease leave men dead an’ gripped
by centripetal force - an endless correctional course
‘cause faggots murder both the messenger an’ horse
stay sexin’ with whores named ignorance an’ stupidity
I’m givin’ vent - futility - this world’s full of sheep
ain’t rulin’ me - I look thru the illusory
joinin’ sir Bruce Lee and Saint Peter on into me
as I pursue the third key - held by Adam firstly
so thirsty - mind an' body seek a soul cursed an’ free
an’ now that you heard the need - do you yearn to breath?
nah - sick inside ya’ mystified by these words I speak
take Earth ya freak - I gave birth this week
but can’t save the deservedly week
there's only one crown and a realm to be part of
want me to dumb down? how ’bout you smart up?
‘hind a figurative broad an’ spacious moat I stay in my castle
whether nigger, spic, caucasian - YOU wake up in shackles.
-------
Topic: You wake up in shackles.
When considering a topic I always attempt to approach it in a manner which my audience will not have initially considered. Thus when presented with this topic I briefly considered taking the racism path via ending with a line like "I wake up in shackles every day" or some such. Eventually however I chose to approach the topic from the direction of mental shackles. In short the restrictions materialism, atheism, conformity, fanaticism and the pursuit of self-pleasure place on the majority of humanities thought processes, IMO of course. It was my claim within this very piece that my readers would not be able to recognize the message contained therein. As I concluded "YOU" (yes, you the reader) "wake up in shackles". Below you will find irony at it's best...
Anyways... your verse was a mix between a well flowed battle verse and a self-glorifaction cyper... while mentioning your trapped in shackles... lol.
Missed the idea of this League for real SMZsmz- you came with kinda a battle type thing that i wasnt really feeing for this it was filled full of multi's and i did like the end but the first couple lines were just blah. i dunno nice rhyme scheme and vocab but the rest was kinda average.I've read better from you before, I didn't like this verse very much - the lack of any real approach to the topic left me feeling a little unfullfilled. It started off reading like a battle rap - then it reverted to something more along the lines of a topical, or some kind of social commentry. But still strayed from the topic. It was okay from you, but not a good approach to the topic, I didn't feel.Don't worry... I appreciate everyone's efforts as we all work at this art, this method of expression... just, try and look over the fence occasionally, aight?it strayed too far from the actual subject matter. It would sound very nice on audio I think, but it lacked Emotion and Imagery, which are crucial with these topicals. It was a nice piece, but out of place.
peace - Nate
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