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Thread: oh...your my dad...*squeezes the gun*

  1. #1

    Angry oh...your my dad...*squeezes the gun*

    to my dad for never bein there for me...

    my feelings begin to unwind, ima show u wut i feel inside
    when i see ur face, when i hear u cry, the fear u taste when i look in ur eyes
    the fear of death, i wish u would die
    i hate to know ur still alive.
    im tellin u now after all this time, bc now u no wut my life is like
    u no how i live, u no how i strive for everything i got in my life
    but u are a mark id like to erase
    id love to put u in my place
    but since i cant, i must excape
    y do u put me through so much pain?
    u take all the things that i cant gain
    like a father to be there every day
    a strong role model to show me the way
    a friend right there when i wanna play
    u missed my whole life, but someday you'll pay
    i wanna get u back so bad i cant wait

    i hate u "dad"

  2. #2
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    Dude, i went through the same shit u went through and im still going through it...im growing up....I would probly shoot my dad if i sent him....

  3. #3
    yea..lifes a bitch thanx fo tha feedback !!

    keep it commin guys!!!

  4. #4
    Definte emotion.
    Just enhance the vocab and throw in more complex rhymes.
    Take your writing to the next level and express your emotionall power in a more steady,productive form.
    This was okay,but id like to see you turn your feelings into very good and deep poetry.

  5. #5
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Split-eyez's Avatar
    Join Date
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    Age
    43
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    Battle Record
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    this was basic, but yet again, filled with emotions...
    made me understand what you were feeling very well...
    been there, done it, ... and forgave the dude. Best decision, ever made.
    Hope it turns out 'kay... and if not...
    keep ya head up babygurl.

    Keep 'm coming.

    One Luv.
    Much too dangerous
    Meet the perfect stranger
    I'm the extreme case of fire and anger
    The misguided angel with deep routed fears
    My face shows the years of blood sweating tears
    Pay attention, this gypsy that deeply senses
    Evil spirits lurking behind picket fences
    Embarking darker images and skeletal remains
    Cold hearted soldier with ice in his veins

  6. #6
    thanks guyz... im workin on tha vocab

  7. #7
    Banned Ill Game's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    california
    Age
    35
    Posts
    716
    Battle Record
    11-5
    dope i love it i feel real bad about ur dad i have my family so im happy bu i feel real bad for you keep ur chin up little lady nahmean

  8. #8
    undefined


    hey "good" news....im movin back wit him

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