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Thread: Check this out I need feedback yall

  1. #1

    Check this out I need feedback yall

    Past mistakes have taken they toll Freedom stole from my very own
    Flesh an blood Tried 2 run but tripped an found himself caught up in some shit Steel cuffs around his wrists
    I couldnt believe that shit would hit so close to home
    Started fuckin wit my dome I'd be chillin at home like what the fuck
    Theres not 2 much I coulda done but still
    Somtimes ya feel guilty Even though the Lord built me 2 be this way or so many would say
    Shit happens 4 a reason some kinda meanin should come but I cant see it because 2 much deceivin keepin us from seein the facts
    Prisons are packed with convicts tryin 2 overcome conflict with a system thats busy plottin against em its nonsense
    Prosecuters, cops, an courts that allow no progress
    Corrupt an dont give a fuck what youve accomplished
    I've been harrassed by cocky fuckers power trippin strictly cuzz they wearin a badge
    Label us 4 a lifetime over shit we did in the past I say Fuck That
    All a yall can lick my nut sack Im never gonna fit the model citizen mold I've grown cold over the years
    Theres always cases of impartial treatment this aint no secret equal rights have been extinct 4 years.

  2. #2
    check my thread tooo mang

    but yea its deep good shit weird structure though pzzz
    check mine thread though
    how old are you by the way

  3. #3
    yeah i gotta work on my structure but i know how it sounds an it comes out unmistakably smooth
    Last edited by VanKley; December 24th, 2004 at 12:27 AM

  4. #4
    hey check my post g

  5. #5
    YoungTuan
    Guest
    that shit was hot...work on structure

  6. #6
    CD for Free DL! Mixtape's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Location
    Groove City, MD
    Age
    35
    Posts
    1,146
    Battle Record
    9-0
    other than really your structure i dont really see what else you can do, i have left decent feedback on your other rhyme, so returnt the favor on Static(Extended)...in my sig...peace

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  7. #7
    ... Prince Adem's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    6,904
    Battle Record
    16-3
    Umm your lines are fucked up.. unless your twista, i cant picture you spittin so many syllables in one bar

    The rhymes werent very complex at all, quite basic really... the meaning behind them though was alright, kinda deep nothing special

    The structure was hard to read too... work on that.. g luck

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