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Thread: tryin' 2 up my flow

  1. #1
    YoungTuan
    Guest

    Question tryin' 2 up my flow

    if death is a wakeup call i'd rather stay asleep/
    the streets raised me all i did was raise the heat/
    all you dumb catz just chillin' wit these rats/
    and they'll shot you in the back just to get ya cheddar stacks/
    can't chill wit ya homies don't know if they'll fuck ya/
    I walked wit my head down I had no one to look up to/
    now i don't know wrong from right/
    and something in the dark tried to pull me outta the light/
    so now i sit here put my life in pen and paper and write/
    write shit down even if it's wack or it's tight/
    but can't nobody tell me what's wrong and what's write cuz ain't none of y'all muthafuckas livin' my life/-YoungTuan

  2. #2
    The Root
    Guest
    damn the first line made me think this might be cool..then you just had to ruin it..lol just playin man

    "I walked wit my head down I had no one to look up to/
    now i don't know wrong from right/
    and something in the dark tried to pull me outta the light/
    so now i sit here put my life in pen and paper and write/
    write shit down even if it's wack or it's tight/"

    these lines were actually really dope.. i liked the emotion and they paint a good picture...your comin along..remember stay away from "ima gangster thugg" raps get creative..you can do it...keep writing

  3. #3
    tonguetwista
    Guest
    ah it was an aight piece....it had some good flow, and rhyming.

    if death is a wakeup call i'd rather stay asleep/
    ...this was def the best line in here....dope...

    keep elevatin...peace

  4. #4
    Newbie
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Boston "Home of The Griemy"
    Posts
    4
    ayo u wanna battle i just joined i gotta get me rep up

  5. #5
    Evolve FanTa ZeE's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Age
    36
    Posts
    1,419
    Battle Record
    9-6
    ^i reckon your gonna get banned soon

    erm, yeah there was one line i really like in this peice and that was ' i got my head down cause i aint got no one to look up to' or summat like that...anyway that line was tight but i wasn't really feelin the rest of the verse...work on it i'd say, but include the line i mentioned, and it'll be wkd dope.
    Def Poets

  6. #6
    Banned
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    Mifflinburg, PA
    Posts
    6,693
    Battle Record
    12-1
    1 Open Mic Per Day.

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