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Thread: Tomorrow Doesn't Look Good Either (SS)

  1. #1
    Administrator ILLunatic's Avatar
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    Tomorrow Doesn't Look Good Either (SS)

    Robert was only 8 years old, and symbolized as a nerd
    It's obsurred - everyday he'd come home complaining he hurt
    At first, nobody understood the problems he endured
    Everyday he prayed, for his pain to be cured
    Day after day, things got worst. He got hurt even more
    And every day he thought back, back to his life before
    Before this brutality began, and he remembered being happy
    But sadly, the longer he went unspoken. The more he got hurt badly
    No longer tellin his mother, he ran to his daddy. - In search for help
    His dad didn't understand, and the more abused he felt
    He was confused, to much to tell. He felt so gully
    He was ready to take action, to get away from his bully
    But when he took action, he took even more from his beater
    And he thought; yesterday and today were bad....
    .... and as he feared, tomorrow doesn't look good either




    My verse in Sacred Scriptures, which my opponet no showed.
    Lookin for some sort of feedback on this.

  2. #2
    Administrator ILLunatic's Avatar
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    Last edited by ILLunatic; December 9th, 2004 at 05:56 PM

  3. #3
    Administrator ILLunatic's Avatar
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    Lookin for feedback..

  4. #4
    Administrator ILLunatic's Avatar
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    Come on people.

  5. #5
    Boy Nova
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    That was good man alot of emotion came out of that piece i could feel the lines which isnt always the case with most stuff. But that was good man, i liked the start most the first 4 lines. But yeah everything was there good drop.
    Holla back and review my stuff
    Peace

  6. #6
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Omniscient's Avatar
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    That was very good now i see why ya opponent no showed!!!Lots of emotion in this one...good vocab and structure...like this alot man i'll be lookin forward to seeing ya next post...keep it up...holla back

    DaYoungsta boy!!!

  7. #7
    Administrator ILLunatic's Avatar
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    Appreciate the feedback, up for some more.

  8. #8
    The » Way
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    nice little peice there... really makes you feel for the litle guy... exactly why i dont stand for that shit... and i stand up against it.... no crazy vocab... but all in all it was a nice little peice... flow was there had some good internals... maybe some more multies and complex words would help... keep it up man..

  9. #9
    Young#1
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    Good shit. Unlike other mother fuckers that don't make since you blew it up.

  10. #10
    Young#1
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    Look fo my postings. Some day I would injoy battleling you.

  11. #11
    Administrator ILLunatic's Avatar
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    Get some recognition first...

  12. #12
    Newbie Saiyan's Avatar
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    damn...nice verse, deep feelings....

    probs...

    -1-
    Rise 2 The Top Till The Arms Of Heaven Lift Me Up And Place Me On The Highest Spot...
    -1-

  13. #13
    Administrator ILLunatic's Avatar
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    Up...

  14. #14
    Young#1
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    Pretty soon you'll see me on top just a hold on iight

  15. #15
    this buds for you Thrust's Avatar
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    decent...not great.
    to be honest i didn't feel it all that much.
    it seemed pretty hard for me to get the groove of your piece.
    the content really wasn't there, and the wording wasn't up to par.
    no hate, but i know you could do better.

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