Murder run

[Omniscient]

Yo um got 3 m16’s and 2 loaded glocks/ah 9mm that will empty blocks/fuck hustling i work with crooked cops/drugs getting stolen and niggaz losin crack pots/that’s what’s happenin around my hood/cant live life easy so it aint no such thing as livin good/this is hood shit that only gangsta’s can relate 2/if i hate u than it aint gonna be long for God to take u/my lyrics pack heat like guns/fuckin wit me I’ll leave u on da street like bums/dogg i love trouble its like um obsessed wit it/fuckin wit police, startin fights that type of shit/people say that all da wrong i do um going to hell/da only hell i know is behind ah cell/getting locked up for months without fuckin bail/and gotta watch ya back so u wont get wailed/so don’t think uma stupid cat/cus prisons hell “mutha fucker” aint nothing worse than that/cus ah little bit of flames i could handle that/the devil aint rougher than me i could fuckin bet/cus i hav more death hits than i hav greens/um da Freddie Kruger of rap um in niggaz dreams/i could fuck up ya mind without bein in it/sick shit that would leave ya ass in ah clinic/cus i make number runs just like biggy/and party all night long just like diddy/its DaYoungsta bitch i take whatever u gimme/neva had a drought on pussy i always get plenty

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=158545
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...03#post1882203

[Omniscient]

can i get some feed here

[ND]

good
is it real though

[fu2re troublez]

i liked it, but why where you saying um and ah in the beginning? its a keystyle no need for that, but i liked the peice man, stay up, keep writing and do ur dam thang ~1~

[Cinquix Incision]

no man....elevate.....thats all i gotta say

[EmceeEmEs]

you can tell your young, not just from ya name but from ure writing too.

Dont tell me thats what your really like coz it isnt. I like reading pieces that are real and dont just big yourself up. Pieces like this dont need to be here, if we wanted to hear that, we wud listen 2 most mainstream hip hop on the radio. Always talking bout how good they are.

Anyway, i liked the flow, there is potential in you. Vocab could do with a bit of enhancment but it wasnt bad. Try and get more metaphors in your writing, thats a sure way of getting people to take you more seriously.

The only thing i didnt like about this was the topic but i guess it is "open mic" so u have the right to post what you like. Decent piece man, you deffinatly got potential.

[Omniscient]

thanks for da feed homies

[Evil Siccologist]

flow was tight... but tha whole simple "i'm a muthafuckin' gangsta" has been done way too many times to be considered original... tha only part of tha verse that seemed fresh 'n' impressive was tha Freddie Kreuger line... it just rolled off tha tongue nicely... tha rhymes seemed really simplistic but with a name like DaYoungsta, i guess that's a reasonable excuse... keep postin' 'n' elevatin'... peace...

[Vitalz]

it was ok well i didnt like it lil bit cuz it was kinda simple need to elevate......work on a bigger vocab and upgrade ya wordplay

[Omniscient]

Thanks for the advice dogg

[Rezen]

nice man seemed abit rushed and condensed...but still nice wordplay and imagry...just make it flow abit better and work on your structure abit so it doesnt seem so fast...cuz no-body flows the same nah.mean..utilise your wordplay to make the person reading it flow it as it should be...other than that tho i liked it keep up the good work man...thugged out to fuck

[Omniscient]

Thanks for da feed man