User Tag List

Showing results 1 to 11 of 11

Thread: War (Determination Vs. Might)

  1. #1
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Posts
    53

    War (Determination Vs. Might)

    Signed up a while back, but making a mark now...

    Powerful men march towards the front line with the knights towering them/
    Archers waiting behind with a story on their face, the gap narrowing, then/
    The weapons are ordered to be ready for use, whether steady or loose/
    Each man follows, the fear and men getting confused, begging for news/
    Of ending this truce, and so a moment of uncertainty creeps within some/
    Continually motivated by the driven one, but soldiers are split, some shun/
    In deep thoughts but aware, this is no hit and run this is life or death/
    There’s no time for self this is war, and so ready to draw in the vital breath/
    Time will tell the success - but this tense army, is the true will and might there? /
    The knights stare ceaselessly aware, and positioned so firm despite scares/
    The heart inside bears its limit - the archers with their arrows targeting /
    The atmosphere darkening, men on foot set to clash with swords and spears /
    Roars in fear, shields gripped tightly – the enemy signals and hordes appear/
    Drawing near, an arrow of the opponent arriving - and then more come in/
    A soldier is hit, falls to the ground - the order’s screamed aloud, war begins…/

    The Archers release swiftly, pointing towards the oncoming combatants/
    Yet random, not slaying enough and as a result failing on standards/
    The enemy continues to close; its key battlers start to spark now/
    Ready to be charged down by the knights, to lie dead on the dark ground/
    Arrows still fired, ‘Enemy Is Nigh’ the leader understandably warns /
    The knights awaiting – the command is shown and so they rapidly storm /
    Closely followed by men on foot - war cries heard throughout the battlefield/
    Axes swung, chaos erupts - swords and spears collide and rattle shields/

    The enemy outnumbered by their adversary, yet still kill mercilessly/
    Knowing it’s in their heart what the person sees, and not externally/
    But the foe is struck by fear constantly; weakens due to its mere quantity/
    The leader perceives this well; ‘victory is close’ and sneers pompously/
    But the rival continues to strike, with new might and the spears scything/
    Might against determination, both armies maintain the fierce fighting…/

    War was timeless, but as the dust clears and the land is submerged by silence/
    The head of the leader, a tyrant’s lies minus his army prevailed by finesse/
    Seemed unfeasible – determination, the catalyst cost/
    The power is buried, for the battle is lost…../

  2. #2

  3. #3
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Posts
    53
    Drop some feedback - I ain't new to writing, just new to this board. Those verses prove it....

  4. #4
    NONCENTZ AKA WORD~PERFECT noncentz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Location
    j-ville florida
    Age
    45
    Posts
    5,352
    Battle Record
    7-14
    fallowed very well nice content you painted good pics of your sight and yes it had places that lagged but you have to be a real asshole to find them all and all good work need minor work very minor 8.5/10
    to love something,is to die for it ,if you do, your a martyr , but these days music is morbid, false carters ..prohet's for prophet no lie, look how our last martyr was crucified. to put it in it symplicity, you aint true...you wouldnt sacrifice a few dollars for authenticity..

  5. #5
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Posts
    53
    Appreciated

  6. #6
    Newbie
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    Australia
    Age
    38
    Posts
    3
    Your Flows are dope great rhymes and lyrics however i noted a few words that didnt exist in here so 8/10

  7. #7
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Posts
    53
    Quote Originally Posted by MCRotten
    Your Flows are dope great rhymes and lyrics however i noted a few words that didnt exist in here so 8/10
    All words exist, tell me the ones your unsure about. If your referring to the word, 'catalyst' it actually means a substance that speeds up a certain reaction. But all words begin to extend beyond their original context, and I've read that word used in a couple of articles when referring to something that helps to aid in a task. Plus I checked out a dictionary and it gave a second definition that was similar. Just points out the difference 'determination' can make...

    Could do with more feedback, thanks for what I've got so far...

  8. #8
    Envious? Ack Scent's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    N.Carolina.
    Posts
    2,280
    Battle Record
    15-10
    This wa a good rhyme i liked it....the pictures were painted vividly and everything else was there....it flowed well vocab was nice and creativity was well in order...A few bars were strehed but thats all well and good it's to be expected with all rhymes unless it's perfect. anyway it was good lookin forward to readin more dropped from u......Peaceezy.

    Battles:
    Come and get it.


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


  9. #9
    Banned
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    oregon
    Age
    38
    Posts
    229
    Battle Record
    2-4
    you have good flow and rhymes. the piece was decent and could potentially have been better. just keep writin. peace

  10. #10
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Posts
    53
    Thanks for all the feedback

  11. #11
    redruM. Cinquix Incision's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    Detroit City
    Posts
    2,882
    Battle Record
    9-6
    it was str8 for a peson just coming here...nice structure and good flow to the more personal side to it........
    "ya i see you nigguhs mean muggin on poarches, unload that clip and watch em scatter like roaches"
    ima foo wit it! girl gimme dat pussy i kno wut to do wit it!

    I AINT NO BITCH!

Similar Threads

  1. Determination
    By Tebo in forum The Studio
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: November 19th, 2010, 06:51 AM
  2. Determination.
    By Fatal. in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: August 13th, 2009, 12:43 AM
  3. determination
    By PyroFox in forum Closed Battles
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: July 13th, 2008, 01:37 AM
  4. Determination, I think?
    By Qwentblak in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: July 10th, 2005, 01:47 PM
  5. Vicious Determination...
    By Baxter D. Wall in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 27
    Last Post: November 22nd, 2003, 05:41 PM

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •