Hooked on sorrow

[djb]

im drowned in treachery bearing sad eyes eying the empty me
emptying memories through tragic tears full of pent up empathy
examining dark skies, pain rains down the office window panes
as I stain another file name of a families maim desolate to shame
blamed for watermarks smearing the black print in the work I grip
nip my lower lip, forget happiness, commit to quit with this sad shit
it’s like im an addict for the dramatic but cant release or break free
breaking past promises of living without worry ignites the fury in me
this building exhibits inhumane cruelty confining minds to despair
no hope or care, caresses a sentimental heart that’s no longer there

I need to escape the mundane madness of morbid work that consumes
so I ensue to come unglued and pursue to slip away from cubical tombs
presume to push through pale white doors to the barren staircase
face blank walls as I begin to ascend to the roof, and open space

overcast night strikes with might as I feel the hard driven rain pound
profound messages from god seduce deranged thoughts that confound
ground displays water in huddled puddles, reflection left me muddled
cuddled by an aroused vision of death that settled within, being so subtle
ruddled with loss of sensation has me pacing impatient with temptation
cessation is past due as I gaze upon the fateful ledge with admiration
connotations converge casting my black thoughts into the depths of hell
while my mind repels an unravels signs of hope, making me dismantle
I’ve lost life’s handle and now seek death for an ends to my means
using the ledge of the balcony as my vaccine I toe and edge and lean
believin’ that leavin will relieve me out of being in a state of numb
spread my arms and look down 14 stories as I descend toward freedom
facing impact I fade out, into a distant and ultimately unfamiliar place
when I wake, I am in the hospital with tubes in my arms and my face
confined by plastic ties draped about my body I find I am paralyzed
a failed attempt to escape my ill-contempt caused the harm to multiply
now look in the eyes of a man who so despised life he would take his own
and maybe you will find what it is like to be hooked on sorrow

[djb]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...19#post1832819
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=155314

[XNottyxBabeX]

Well this was a very good piece. it had awesome imagery and it kept me all wrapped up in it. It was definetly very strong and full of emotion. I felt that poor guys pain that you were writing about, and you wrote it so well. and I liked your last two lines a lot. I look forward to seeing more of your work, keep it up.

[djb]

thank you very much. uppin this and congrats to me. 400th post. yay i guess. this officially makes me a computer nerd. damn.

[noncentz]

yo no doubt this was fire u had the goth vibe that is easy to relate with the image painted is like slipknots vermillion

[BeRLin`S BesT]

yo u remind me of a cat I knew back in the days....GVC was his name he used that same type of writing...the way u describe things in a indirect way with all ur vocab is pretty cool...keep it comin' fam...deep piece...pz

[djb]

thanks guys uppin.

[djb]

upsy dasy

[djb]

argh..................im not that wack........................well at least i don't think so up me.

[TERROR CONVICT]

Nice Poetically Influenced Piece Of Art, I See Your Direction In Captivation Wit Some Deep Detail. Could Potentially Be A Lil Bit Better But Overall I Respect Tha Reality And Position Of This Piece. Nice

[TERROR CONVICT]

Return Tha Favor And Post On My Threads On Open Mic

[Dtox]

yo this was nice
the wordplay you used really painted a picture
very deep n had meaning
vocab twisted together very nicely

kinda shit that makes you think

big ups

[Abstract Vision]

Yo fam... I gotta admit that was one of the illest scripts that I read in a while... the imagery was off the hook... it was kinda like I was reading a movie description the way that the words formed pictures... overall this shit was gully and mad poetic... keep it up... and yea... HOLLA AT ME about that COLLAB... 'spect

[JAY DOT.]

nice drop, great story telling, and vocab was on point, i was picturing that shit in my head at the end...

[spokenoh]

Good emotion conveyed here. A lot of nice connotation behind your words, how you express them:
"this building exhibits inhumane cruelty confining minds to despair
no hope or care, caresses a sentimental heart that’s no longer there"

You over-do it with the rhyme scheme here for an Open Mic. Too stretched of words, just need to narrow it down so there isn't so much linguistic conflict in your lines. Nah sayen? Also, flow was a bit shaky in places, near the beginning I found. Good vocab, and good imagery and depiction. Good stuff, Peace.