A Small Plan

[shawty"B"]

This is my life
This is my tear
This is my voice
This is my move
This is my turn
This...is my story

Created by a drunken decision
Never thinking impact is deeper than doctors incision
A small child, not even born yet
But my babys life is where I have my heart set
Ive planned on you for all of my short time
In my heart and mind you already shine
No one understands why I love you souly
All anyone knows is that your my one and only
Your more precious to me than you'll ever know
But throughout time it will begin to show

This is my life
This is my tear
This is my voice
This is my move
This is my turn
This...is my story

The doctor took my ultra sounds
And your so beautiful, heavenly bound
But when things got weird I was struck
And for you to still live is more than just luck
Your heart beat is checked and it isnt good news
My baby is dying and tears are more than a few
Your having random heart attacks that havent ceased
That caused my pain and tears to be greatly increased
On October 10, 2004 it was too hard to do
Your heart could notsurvive the mess it went through
To you, my ever-loved child, I have dedicated my life
I have learned that you fought to hold on tight

This is my life
This is my tear
This is my voice
This is my move
This is my turn
This is my story

This... is my dedication
To Manny-Amaru Paxton
May your unborn soul fly with the angels above us

[Dan Dare]

Well this was real as hell....

I like the lil chorus part. Repitition works! Do me a favour though. Get the damn mic out and sing this because this deserves to be heard, not read.

It was really very, very simplistic, but it flowed well as a piece of poetry and that was impressive. Not trying to do anything amazingly complex with language but you had an impressive authoritive voice throughout and it held my attention well. You have a talent for that, there's no doubt about that. keep writing.

and lastly few words on a personal note: I'm sure the kid's looking down right now. I'm absolutely positive. So stay up.

[Prince Escobar]

Ma, a beautiful dedication piece...the emotion was very good, but the imagery in the second verse is what really made it come alive to me, it was soo vivid and soo real, the pain really hit hard. I really like how it was written and on the personal level i feel your pain, im not sure of the exact circumstances of your particular situation but i know at least one other person on this site has lost a child (dont want to put them on blast), i wish you all of the best, 1luv.

[shawty"B"]

thank both of you very very much, its unreal how much i appreciate what just the 2 of you have said. oh, and NFamous, ill explain it to you on aim. Its not the prettiest of situations, but its something that some people just need to know, so that they understand whats goin on. anyways, thanks again you two...


....bless

[Sublime D]

im sorry i took so long to respond to this...

yes this was simplistic, but very emotional...the chorus was nice...your story was well told...dope poetry....

sad story...i never properly articulated my feelings of sympathy...im sorry that i don't always respond when you message me...i hope you don't feel under appreciated, because i do care about you...and anytime....any time you need me...message me, call me..and im here for you...you have a beautiful, yet tortured soul....i pray you can suffer the pain and continue on with life...

there are ways to deal with it....they all involve god....ill help you..if you need me too

[shawty"B"]

^thanks sub. thanks a lot. I really appreciate all that anyone says to this one poem in perticular.

(on that little side note: its fine that you dont respond when you message me, i just take it to assume that your busy... and thanks for being there for me.

you have a beautiful, yet tortured soul....i pray you can suffer the pain and continue on with life...

thats an aw inspiring statment right there, and thats the first time that anyone has ever said that to me.... it means so much to me.)


.... God bless

[EpistemologyRaps]

real is the only true way that i can critique this poem. who can go against that? very touching piece, i'm very sorry to hear that you had to go through such a horrible event. may God really pay you back for your loss.

[rule]

Depressing piece, literally, I hope you're doin okie.

I don't have much to sayabout this piece because of how real it was, and the truth behind it. It was an awesome read...but more of what why kind of thought to it. Because of the situation you were in.

Hopefully you're okie.

[shawty"B"]

thanks Ep and Rule. And Rule, as of right now, im just doin.... cant exactly say that im doin all that good, but its gettin better



....bless

[Ever Dream]

uppin. can i please get some more replies, it would mean an awful lot to me......



....bless

[Da Ill'est]

thats nice fam... i like alot, i would like to see some more peices from you fam..

need votes http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=151393 http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=150895

[shawty"B"]

thanks..... Uppin



....bless

[FanTa ZeE]

woah...seriously..woah...im so sorry for your loss is all i can say and this poem was so emotive, not because of any poetical voice or device...but simply, because it was truth, truth in every line...you wrote this in a way i couldn't have even planned or anticipated..im not looking at it as something i should critisise or comment on poetically now, i'm looking at it as words that represent the way you felt when writing this, which i can only imagine..

you did great girl..and if you ever wanna talk i'm right here...just hit me up

[00]

Wow, I felt my heart stop for a millisecond in the 2nd verse

please leave better feed in the future
thank you

-Mantra

[shawty"B"]

WOAH HOLY CRAP i didnt think anyone else was gonna read this! Thank you so so very much you two, especially you fanta, you dont know how much that means...



....bless

~*UnO*~