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Thread: Leavin' You

  1. #1
    Sipher
    Guest

    Leavin' You

    Feelin the pain, I just want to cry her name
    but that shit she said was fucked,
    like I got hit by a dumptruck,
    To hear those words come out,
    it's over now, don't know how i'll make it now,
    the love is gone, wanna stop the pain some how.
    Leavin' you was the hardest thing to do,
    to look back at us and realize that we're through.
    The pain in my heart, it's just like a dart,
    thrown by someone with mad skillz in the art,
    that hit home, feels like a broken bone,
    hurts still so much that I don't wanna go home,
    'cause I got your pictures up,
    got me thinkin how the fuck,
    do I move on when I got 8 months to go,
    how tha fuck do I know if this relationship'll ever grow,
    and give us fruits for our labor,
    don't know if i'm able,
    to give my heart some more,
    use to be just like an open door,
    but feels like i've just been dropped on a muddy floor,
    and all I think is that I really don't want no more.
    I must abhor this treatment i'm gettin',
    all this shit every nite,
    too much strife for only just one life.
    P.S. Bitch, give me a knife? I think suicide would be better than to try make you my wife.

    -Sipher

    *Any constructive criticism is appreciated, i.e. rhythm, flow, word choice, etc.*
    Last edited by Sipher; October 4th, 2004 at 11:05 PM

  2. #2
    BEST topical writer... Endeva.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
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    Awards OM WOTM SS HOF SS HW Champion OM HOF 25+ Wins
    well you seemed to have ok emotion, but nothing new in this, its all been done a hundred times... also your rhyme scheme in places was off, id keep a bit more consistancy to your work, it'll keep the flow going.... keep at it
    [youtube]99ns8n2S40g[/youtube]

  3. #3
    Banned
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    Aug 2003
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    You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks.

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