In Haiti (real life stuff)

[djb]

it's time to open your eyes
realize, true problems arise
over a thousand have died
left for dead, still standing in line
fight for food, cuz you gotta survive
this is real life, check the new york times
paralized inside, compassion is now unkind
why, its cuz they are losing hope
good people turned cut-throat
no food, no clothes, and no joke
survival of the fittest no time to mope
so, you now gotta fight for every inch
bitch or get bitched, swing or get hit
sit, or go get it, foods just on the other side
ten camo guards, you can break through the line
it's do or die, so you gotta try, to get some for you and yours
with rations more is not an option unless it's taken through wars

so you take off running full speed for the canned beans
pass by camping families, its insanity, ends to my means
gotta eat, we are all human beings, seeing light on the horizon
food twenty feet away, so i stay, applyin my drive into the supply
a gaurd noticed me, is this suicide, no time to contemplate
keep runnin straight, ten feet away on a jail break
i hear them say, "move don't wait, he's gonna take and run away"
get to the beans, it seems my walls are closing in, in every way
there are two to the left and three to the right.
three behind and two in front,damn, time to fight
this is for my familes lives so i can't be denied
its not a bout of pride, but to fill our insides
sometimes you can't hide, so drastic measures must be taken
awaitin', impact is coming so i brace and throw, im haymaken'
connecting and escapin', movin so swiftly the gaurds cant hit me
approachin' the end of the madness a clear line to my family
how can this be, i gonna make it with our food to live
amazed, a smile crossed my face, then a slug went in
i fell to my knees thirty feet from my family
an end to the struggle is a fucked up fallacy
and now im in the news as another rebel bruised and bloody
some see, the pictures but dont hear the stories from haiti

just to give you guys a heads up im not really from haiti just writing what i think it would be like if i was. and from what i have read there are many real stories similar to this one. please drop some feedback and i will return favors to anyone who wants it.

[djb]

links:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=148031
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=147960

[djb]

can somebody please give me some feeback?

[noncentz]

wow is how i start this commentary critique......
the intro lines demand such attention such anger as well a feeling of rebellion.
ur educated stand point od present world issues almost seams like u indured every subject discribed. u have a violent tone at the same time like the victom who now fights back.
no flaws in my opinion 10 out of 10 easy

[djb]

^thank you. that is a great compliment coming from you.

p.s. that is one nasty sig

[Ill Game]

hey djb that is hella tight shit it is real too and i loved the flow it was fun to read unlike alot of raps some including mine lol any ways will u return the favor do u do audio cuz that would be tight keep spitting

[Jackpott8s]

yeah bro i def. hear ya on staying on topic i dont post much but ive been fucking with the game for a minute and i like that feedback a lot i dont even realize i do that i just run wit it hahaaha. but your shit is something to be proud of man i like it a lot it make me really sit back and think bro very nice no flaws at all

[Chucky East]

it was aight,
it had voice and meaning to it.
the beginning was sort of good but not great,u know, but you made up for it with da second verse. it was muchs tronger and had a better flow. it was really good though man, keep it up. i've read a few of your raps and this one is one of your really good ones, well all of em were good.

[Ace of Aces]

made for a great read. the flow was sicc, especially in the second verse, ill multies. The structure wasn't even effected much because the flow was so smooth. the word choice was good, everythin made sense and what not. the imagery in this was a big plus, the whole scene of him escaping was pretty clear. can't see too much wrong with this, dope job man, keep up the great work and thanks for your reply to mine.

peACE

[BeRLin`S BesT]

yup well kid what shall I say...this was dope...u had it all, the flow ( switched up a lot but that's cool ), vocab ( a lil above average ), imagery n story telling..composed this drop very well but I'm kinda not in the mood...I mean the drop is hot but the topic and this ongoing always rappin' but bad things has me goin nuts right now...anyways good job...pz

[djb]

thanks guys. anyeone else have any feedback?

[H1MS3LF]

This Was Alright.

It Got lost At Times But You Always Came Back.

Confusing A Little Bit At Times Also, But Great Flow And Rhyme Scheme.

7/10

[djb]

thanks can you tell me where i fell off. i want the constructive critisism so i can get better. if you simply say i got lost i cant find the area's where you got lost. it makes it harder for me to get better. but thanks for the feedback.

[Woogsta]

When i first started readin this i heard "Lose Yourself" beat in my head, how u started off slow then went into it full out on second verse. But, i re-read it and felt more like a "One Mic" beat. Startin of slow syllables and short sentences, movin up to bigger ones wit more emotion in em. Then on da second verse is like when Nas spits "This is my hood, imma rap to da death of it" like wit how u was tryna fight from guards. Then gettin hit wit slug is like the beat playin down again. Definetly get da One Mic instrumental and spit this to it, think it would sound good.

Not any critique on this really, i could follow it all and imagine each bit, nice work.

Plz Return Favor At:

Do You Really Know?

1

[Marvolousjay1009]

whoa!!!....im feelin this dunn...you got sum talent..stay up and get at me for a battle/collab w/e..WUN