User Tag List

Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast
Showing results 1 to 15 of 21

Thread: Enter the Light

  1. #1
    xNY~NJx CAMROK's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    1,086
    Battle Record
    30-9

    Enter the Light


    Just a new day, new ways of life to start after last night
    Not sure what to think, try to find lime light in my sights
    Hope its untrue, deadly diseases these should be forbidden
    My wife in the hospital, they thinkin she is Cancer ridden..
    Shit's not a joke, hate the people who laugh, and not reminise
    Let me tell you a bit about her, before this takes a bad twist..

    Margarite.... understating if I say she's the love of my life
    She's much more, not only my wife, every bit of my shining light
    Needless to say, nothing I can do without her, she's me - I'm her
    Years of love unconditional, and inseperation is what I swore
    Till the end, through the wire & fire, I don't care.. it's true
    as she held my hand, "I can't live or die without you..."

    2 days later

    I wake up in the hospital, last few days had not much sign..
    of what could occur, good or bad leaving my stress of the hectic kind
    Wanted to cry many of times, had to hold on, & stay strong
    Lead to believe, hope. Till the 3rd night the doc's lead me wrong
    A story with a happy ending? not all are... they had to break the news
    Told me a high chance my wife will die, and nothing I can do
    I held her hand, simply said "I can't live or die without you"
    My heart attacked, I told the doc's "relax" and let me die too
    We lied there together on the bed, inseperation is the key
    Onto our next life, as we Enter the Light, where we want to be




    From a topical battle, some of you might've read.
    PandorasBox



    <center>
    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
    </center>



    Open Mics:



    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

  2. #2
    xNY~NJx CAMROK's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    1,086
    Battle Record
    30-9
    Linked:

    Escar- The Writer's Mind
    Woogsta- Lost my family

    some others...
    PandorasBox



    <center>
    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
    </center>



    Open Mics:



    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

  3. #3
    Fly in under the Radar. Tactixx's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    1,587
    Battle Record
    14-9
    I thought this was one of your best pieces.....The flow and internals were nice, multies, and a nicely laid out story full of emotion, which was probably the most potent aspect of this verse...good job...I've seen this type of concept before, but you pulled it off well....strong closer as well..........Good verse....keep em comin....take it easy...Peace...

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


  4. #4
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Posts
    1,980
    This was dope bro. I liked the imagery in it, mostly there were a few parts were I thought it was really good. The emotion was quite deep man, which made it even doper, I was definitely feelin' it. Short 'n' sweet, along with a good use of vocab. Story kept me interested as well, the flow was great dawg. Really good piece Cam.

    Peace bro.

  5. #5
    -Dabz-
    Guest
    Nice...everything was layed out nice & I thought some good use
    opf vocab in here set iit opff a treat..lol...
    8/10 for the effort here

  6. #6
    xNY~NJx CAMROK's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    1,086
    Battle Record
    30-9
    thanks fellas.. - uppin

    I'll try and hit up some of your stuff, at a later note.
    PandorasBox



    <center>
    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
    </center>



    Open Mics:



    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

  7. #7
    OG Poet, er some shit.
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Age
    35
    Posts
    2,919
    Battle Record
    5-5
    Pretty decent.Liked the story but you could of gone more in depth with it. Vocabularly overly lacked a bit, very basic. Flow was decent, and the emotion was brought in well. I would say work on your vocab. Wording can be a big upgrade in writing
    Po'Ethics - Est. 2004




  8. #8
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Posts
    815
    i liked this piece it was pretty good had a good flow, vocab lacked a lil.
    but i like the story it was very good and your structure was very good.
    this over all was a decent drop 8/10

  9. #9
    xNY~NJx CAMROK's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    1,086
    Battle Record
    30-9
    thanks guys, I know the vocab is, eh..
    wasn't entirely going for that.
    PandorasBox



    <center>
    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
    </center>



    Open Mics:



    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

  10. #10
    Banned
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Age
    33
    Posts
    398
    Battle Record
    2-2
    I liked the peice, sometimes the best way to explain something is straight to the point. I usually write my topicals with small vocab. Flow wasnt bad and neither was structure. The imagrey was there. Nice peice overall. -out

  11. #11
    xNY~NJx CAMROK's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    1,086
    Battle Record
    30-9
    thanks, uppin..
    PandorasBox



    <center>
    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
    </center>



    Open Mics:



    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

  12. #12
    xNY~NJx CAMROK's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    1,086
    Battle Record
    30-9
    uppin
    PandorasBox



    <center>
    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
    </center>



    Open Mics:



    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

  13. #13
    xNY~NJx CAMROK's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    1,086
    Battle Record
    30-9
    uppin
    PandorasBox



    <center>
    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
    </center>



    Open Mics:



    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

  14. #14
    xNY~NJx CAMROK's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    1,086
    Battle Record
    30-9
    why not..
    PandorasBox



    <center>
    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
    </center>



    Open Mics:



    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

  15. #15
    Imagry and emotion best aspects..definately
    Everything else dope too..

Similar Threads

  1. another light
    By domes in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: July 9th, 2010, 10:05 PM
  2. Light.
    By Twixn... in forum Poetic Scriptures
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: November 17th, 2006, 07:20 PM
  3. some red light, green light ish
    By KENNY MC!? in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: February 2nd, 2006, 01:45 AM
  4. The Light...
    By Bmack in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: April 25th, 2003, 12:48 PM

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •