Asclepeion

['PercepTion']

Some words mightn't rhyme, but it's how you say them i suppose.

A hospital where the sick travel...
A spiritual tunnel so low & narrow...
May Apollo visit you in your dreams...
The Asclepeion, in the sun it gleams…

The son of mighty Zeus a spiritual god of prophecy...
A tighter noose stiffened exposing his hypocrisy...
Greek philosophy depicted him as gifted musician...
Blatantly murdered Coronis, his son an acquisition...
Into a deep abyss Zeus sent the ancient physician...
A thunderbolt exists that destroyed him & his definition...
In addition, Ascelpius brought up by centaur Chiron...
Thus allowed him to be seen as a figure of medicine...
The spirit within, the hospital set in the hills of Epidaurus...
As supernatural events begin, logical reasons disperse...

A hospital where the sick travel...
A spiritual tunnel so low & narrow...
May Apollo visit you in your dreams...
The Asclepeion, in the sun it gleams…

Red phlegm constantly oozed from my lesions & my cuts…
I was bruised & my spirit was religiously untouched…
My mind shuts down & I’m left to bathe in tranquility…
I save my energy for Apollo, beyond realistic plausibility…
My disability will be cured, in a serene visionary dream…
I’m assured by God’s that supernatural cures aren’t a scheme…
Hallucination extreme, & I was instructed to create a cure…
Constructed by Apollo, son of Ascelpia, so clean & pure…
The pain I endure would escape thru a system of divine belief…
I resign my right to protest as his hands touch my body, my relief…

A hospital where the sick travel...
A spiritual tunnel so low & narrow...
May Apollo visit you in your dreams...
The Asclepeion, in the sun it gleams…

As hippoacrates enforced the procedure of observation…
The natural pursuer taught a strict medical education…
A new generation of medicinal research was born…
The church dismissed it & the opinions were torn…
Each doctor had sworn to honor the Hippocratic Oath…
& a charismatic physician had ignited a medical growth…
Both hippocrates & Galen taught four humors & opposites…
Ancient treatments detailing how human tissue splits…
Mass burial pits to disguise the failings of Greek medicine…
The souls of dead patients rise & the 7 plagues begin…

A hospital where the sick travel...
A spiritual tunnel so low & narrow...
May Apollo visit you in your dreams...
The Asclepeion, in the sun it gleams…

['PercepTion']

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=138813
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=138957

['PercepTion']

jeez, sleeping...up.

['PercepTion']

any chance...probably not.

[FormulaSquared]

This was fuckin' nice.. you always droppin' some of the dopest shit.. but people use you as pillows.. don't worry tho.. I thought the flow was fluid as fuck duke.. and the story you told was catching... highly original... you kept me interested the whole piece.. some can rarely do that man, on the real.. so props for that.. I like the way you split it up.. maybe givin' us time to comprehend the things you said.. the little chorus, or break, w/e you call it was good too.. this whole piece is just a stand-out tho.. you stand out from the rest of the writers here.. good job man..

One thing though.. the first and third voice had no first person references.. but the second verse.. mind explaining what you were trying to do in the 2nd verse?

['PercepTion']

^i was putting myslef in the place of a patient that visited the Asclepeion, it was a type of hospital that people in Ancient Greece went to, they stayed the night & hopefully they witnessed a dream that would tell them how to cure their illness or disease.

The 1st verse described Ascelpius [the god] and his son Apollo [who visited the patients in their visions], the 3rd verse went onto describe Hippocrates [father of medicine], it is all linked in with Ancient Greek medicine. So verses 1 & 3 were like, descriptive & the 2nd verse was personal...i figured there was no point in just talking about "my stay" at the Asclepeion is no1 knew what i was on about..lol

Cheers for the feedback, at least some1 is good enough to explore new topics.

[{SociaL*ServeR}]

damn man yo shit was nice as fuck homie....

yo i aint even have 2 read a line over again cuz da flow was dat nic...

yo man SUPER props on dis shit man...
i was bout 2 do a open mic but now
i don't no man lol
i might not compare 2 yours... but if i do chec it out iight?

[Fresh]

This piece was really nice.. Very original.. And thats what we need is originality.. Very in depth... Your metaphors are really nice.. Nothing I can really say about this to improve, it was really dope... I guess the one thing you could do is add some multi's, just woulda made it that much doper... Good work, keep at it..

Pz.

[Illus']

"Red phlegm constantly oozed from my lesions & my cuts…
I was bruised & my spirit was religiously untouched…"

Deep...

Very orginal piece here..
never seen it done from
anyone topic wise.
Vocabulary you used
I had to admit I didn't
know some meanings...
Flow was flawless to me..
Have to read again to really
grasp more because I know
there are more meanings in this
that I didn't capture ...I don't know
why pieces like this kept being slept on.
It's rediculous...

"Greek philosophy depicted him as gifted musician...
Blatantly murdered Coronis, his son an acquisition...
Into a deep abyss Zeus sent the ancient physician...
A thunderbolt exists that destroyed him & his definition...
In addition, Ascelpius brought up by centaur Chiron...
Thus allowed him to be seen as a figure of medicine...
The spirit within, the hospital set in the hills of Epidaurus...
As supernatural events begin, logical reasons disperse..."

^ Very educational...in my eyes...your a dope open Micer..
man keep droping no matter if these none appreciative heads
don't reply...

peace

['PercepTion']

^cheers for the feedback.

[LM]

This was very, very dope...

Vocab was outstandin but still carried a steady flow through the whole piece. You had some very deep lines which hit the reader hard. Your structure was great and made the piece easier to read....

It's just a shame so many pieces get slept on but good work. Keep droppin.

Can you drop feedback on the link in my sig please...

[spokenoh]

This was a pretty good piece.

Your bridge/hook was probably the best crafted of all your pieces and it was one of the pro's of this piece. I liked how you started this, I also freqently read Greek mythology, th0 I haven't read alot on Ascelpius besides comprehending he was Apollo's father. Your vocab was quite good as always but you stepped it up a bit by putting larger vocab for your rhyming words.
Some good imagery, and descriptive tails, especially when in first person with the second verse. Descibing how desperate Ascelpius was, waiting fate. Dope how you made a whole verse to showcase his problem step by step.
Third verse felt like you foretelling the apacolypse. Very grim in most places as you inferred the doctors were idiots for rejecting the theories.

Only a few instances that I thought you could improve on. I felt that most of the scenes(different verses) sometimes felt irrelevent because you jumped from the different transitions quickly. Making some of the verses a little longer would have helped to get accustomed with your ever moving imagery. Another thing, I still think you haven't even really touched on was multi-syllabelic rhyming. Example:

"A new generation of medicinal research was born…
The church dismissed it & the opinions were torn…"

It was a fairly simple rhyme, and you have a few others in there that are simple too. Adding another word to rhyme at the end or an internal would have made it dope. Just a few things you could touch up on.

Flow was incredible too man, as always. You have some excellent writing. Peace.

['PercepTion']

^ty, i'll hit your new piece with Gunman soon,

[THE DALABIL]

::wakes up and finally reads the thread::

lol...this is prolly the most creative and historic piece I've seen since one by...ummm...i think it was penskills...dunno...NEways...back to your thread...

The hook itself is nice as...well you know...

"Hallucination extreme, & I was instructed to create a cure…
Constructed by Apollo, son of Ascelpia, so clean & pure…
The pain I endure would escape thru a system of divine belief…
I resign my right to protest as his hands touch my body, my relief…"
^^this is very poetic^^

"Both hippocrates & Galen taught four humors & opposites…
Ancient treatments detailing how human tissue splits…
Mass burial pits to disguise the failings of Greek medicine…
The souls of dead patients rise & the 7 plagues begin…"
^^this left me feeling like the end of Lords of the Ring 1...wheres the rest...lol^^

This is a very historic piece that read natually...the non-rhymes were easily over looked since I was trying to stay focused on the content...and I AINT going back to look for any either...lol...

Really good work...props

One

['PercepTion']

up bitch!