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Thread: Naked Mind

  1. July 27th, 2004, 05:03 PM #1
    Bloom.Quist
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    Naked Mind

    Naked Mind

    Thoughts exposed to fiends of undoubted certain corruption
    Naked mind, so enemies can cause me hurtin' destruction
    Ideas translucent to anyone who cares to read
    The feelings i've grown with since I was an infant seed
    Emotion comes a plenty, to make my soul bleed
    Mind trapped inside an invisible cage, i just want to be freed
    I succeed in living to write, but am I writing to live?
    Poetic flows and emotional woes, are all this writer can give
    Will my intentions be discovered? Will this poet finally rest?
    Visible thoughts in poetic drops, as i put my thinking to the test.
    Po'Ethics - Est. 2004



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  2. July 27th, 2004, 05:03 PM #2
    Bloom.Quist
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    Short i know, but i needed to write something. Tips or feedback please?...
    Po'Ethics - Est. 2004



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  3. July 27th, 2004, 05:06 PM #3
    Twizted Ayngel
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    The flow was nice, and the topic was good. It was too short, like you just stopped writing out of no where. Emotion and imagery was nice. Not so much imagery, but more I could picture the feelings. Eh, overall this piece was okay. It could be better by being added to.
    <center>RIP - 7.18.O2..7.19.O2..7.22.O2
    7.24.O4 ... 11.o8.o4
    o4.o9.o5
    7.o2.o6
    7.o7.o6
    Forever in my heart.
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  4. July 27th, 2004, 06:44 PM #4
    Bloom.Quist
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    I feel the same thing. I didnt have enough time to write a long piece though, so i set it off like this. More replies?
    Po'Ethics - Est. 2004



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  5. July 27th, 2004, 07:39 PM #5
    Sublime D
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    nice, succincnt, potent...very effective...and a nice drop
    Bittersweet
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  6. July 27th, 2004, 07:41 PM #6
    Bloom.Quist
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    Tank ya. Anymore?
    Po'Ethics - Est. 2004



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  7. July 28th, 2004, 06:29 AM #7
    Reeco
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    I like it.....its a simple take on a poetic mind and how we feel about getting our message across into poems!! the structure was great made i real easy to read.... and also the flow was spot on, didnt fall off anywhere in the piece, i also like the way you used two different styles in the poem, the last four lines were different to the rest and i found this interesting and a nice concept. your writers voice was really good in the piece as you made me think more about getting my message across and wanting to make me write more.....vocab was good!!

    So to sum it up a nice short poem...with a good message.. keep it up man!

    8.4/10

    Fave Line = I succeed in living to write, but am I writing to live?
    Poetic flows and emotional woes, are all this writer can give

    Ill get at you for our collab 2nite man.....pz
    .

    -An Original RB Member: Yes, We're That Much Doper Than You-


    .
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  8. July 31st, 2004, 01:32 PM #8
    Mistral
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    BLOOM YOU LITTLE! LINK! LOL

    Nice piece by the way. Short and sweet!
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  9. July 31st, 2004, 04:00 PM #9
    Foreshadow
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    Bloom I thought it was well written. Im thinking about writing something of this nature myself. You did a nice job explaning your thoughts. Your structure was nice and this was decent.
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  10. July 31st, 2004, 04:08 PM #10
    Bloom.Quist
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    Thanks for reply
    Po'Ethics - Est. 2004



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  11. July 31st, 2004, 05:11 PM #11
    R. Frost
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    this was well written.....you had good flow..... you stayed on topic and it was a really good poem....keep it up fam
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