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[[.Perseverance.]]

It was for a write to a picture. I had an angle of child in heaven. Its not very long but I need some help.

Entrapped in tranquillity, submerged by bliss,
Walking on soil, as soft as a kiss.
Air on my lips, tickles at me sweetly,
And sways the beauty of the flowers beneath me.
The waters are still, but shiver to the wind,
I watch them ripple as they sliver so thin.
Mother Nature holds me, providing me warmth,
But I can not help but feel slightly torn.

Sometimes it plagues me, not being in your world,
And I wonder, do you ever miss your little girl.
I hope you’re happy, and that I will see you soon,
But not until, your satisfied that your life is through.
And I will be here waiting, for your embracement,
Because this bliss is not near enough of a replacement.
Of a mother I cherished and father I looked up to,
And no matter what happened, I always loved you.

So until that time, we are reunited,
I will be nurtured in happiness, with excitement.
So rid those thoughts that I was taken from you,
I just left a little too early and now I am waiting for you.

replied to
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=132664

[Mesmerize]

Your imagery and metaphores were really good in this piece. I also felt deep emotion within it. It flowed well, and you structure was good. Also nice vocab. Very good poem to be a newbie, lol. Probably the best Ive seen from a new member to RB yet. Nice drop. Keep it up. I can see you have potential to elevate greatly.

[[.Perseverance.]]

Wow. Very much appreciated.

[[.Perseverance.]]

Any more feedback or pointers?