Hey there!

It looks like you're enjoying Rap Battles Forum but haven't created an account yet. Why not take a minute to register for your own free account now? As a member you get free access to all of our forums and posts plus the ability to post your own messages, communicate directly with other members and much more. Register now!

Already a member? Login at the top of this page to stop seeing this message.

User Tag List

Showing results 1 to 15 of 15

Thread: Alone

  1. June 12th, 2004, 10:39 AM #1
    Judge Judy
    Judge Judy is offline
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Posts
    9,864

    Alone

    Been arguing for hours..
    ..I'm only 15. . I can't stand
    . . fighting with my mum

    "Fuck of to your fathers & jus leave me alone"
    Its all I ever hear. .
    I wish I HAD a Dad so I could jus pick up the phone..
    & call him up, share my problems but instead I shiver
    ..knowing that I never really had a father figure
    Tredding rough rivers, egg shells crack my souls
    While every other bitch or whine creates new holes
    Digging up the past in moles, the future seems so far..
    . .me & my Mum so off par
    . .relations jus ripped apart
    . .I just wish I had Tracy Chapman & her fast car..
    ..Coz I'd drive to a place where my life was simple
    Where I didn't have holes in my soul..
    ..but only meer dimples
    Just pimples of life, the daily grind that people indure
    I don't care about working for it, see nothing is sure
    There will never be a cure, for bad tempered bitter..
    ..I can only take so much for then I'm a quitter
    I love/hate emitter, I must give out bad vibes
    To affect those around me & make up bad lives
    Cells of cracked hives, no more honey to contrive
    Its a far ride from being loved to being dealt knives
    ..my cuts derive..
    From not being able to grow on this vast globe
    So my self infliction attempts to make me feel at home
    I guess its a kinda syndrome that can't be subscribed
    or helped along in a way that'll make me feel right
    I try to keep on the light..
    But it goes out..
    . . .its all blurry. . *cough*
    Wow..before I go I need to vent some shit
    As there's so many I drew up a list:-
    -Fuck my biological Dad & fuck my mum
    -Fuck my elicit step Dad & your adopted son
    -Fuck my family for just not being there
    -But a big thanks to my bro'
    ..for when he was alive, he was there..
    With a vivid stare my last few moments feel stale
    As a new life is bought mine just went off sale
    ..
    -Dean Harries
    R.I.P
    1986-2004

    "Much Loved Son,Brother,Grandson..
    We hope you finally find what
    you really want up there"
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  2. June 12th, 2004, 10:51 AM #2
    Judge Judy
    Judge Judy is offline
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Posts
    9,864
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...33#post1466733
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  3. June 12th, 2004, 11:18 AM #3
    Andrew..
    Andrew.. is offline
    Mister. Andrew..'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Location
    New York.
    Posts
    1,755
    Battle Record
    1-4
    Nice. This was very emotional. I could almost imagine what is going through the persons head. The concept was good. The flow was ok. Not many multis but it really didnt need it. Nice peice. Nomination.

    pz.
    Back.
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  4. June 12th, 2004, 12:07 PM #4
    Content
    Content is offline
    Certified Vet Content's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    Pittsburgh,Pennsylvania
    Posts
    1,281
    Battle Record
    3-0
    this didnt require a solid structure even though you
    had did it anyway...believe it or not..writing rhymes
    and seeing comedians keep me alive

    my fathers still alive but hes not in the state that he
    was when I was about..ehh 12...so I was mad about
    a bunch of shit for a long time because I should have
    had money that everyone else had growing up...but
    I just work harder and appreciate what I get..

    this poem was good and thats why im replying man
    but dont let this tear you apart and im sorry for
    the loss of your older brother...

    this isnt really something to critique...
    myspace.com/tnetnoc
    myspace.com/understream
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  5. June 12th, 2004, 02:25 PM #5
    Judge Judy
    Judge Judy is offline
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Posts
    9,864
    ^^Thanks anyways dude. Appreciated pz
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  6. June 12th, 2004, 02:33 PM #6
    Mag...
    Mag... is offline
    ...practice makes poetry
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Posts
    2,700
    Battle Record
    4-1
    yea... the emotion was keenly written...

    the structure seemed solid enough too... some of the rhymes were a bit too basic for a legendary piece or anything...

    but I still give this a solid 8/10
    Hence Forward
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  7. June 12th, 2004, 02:39 PM #7
    J-BIGGZ
    J-BIGGZ is offline
    Newbie
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Location
    utah
    Posts
    19
    man dogg that waz off da hook its tight how long did it take yall to make dat
    ok im a good girl ***wink***
    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  8. June 14th, 2004, 03:51 PM #8
    Judge Judy
    Judge Judy is offline
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Posts
    9,864
    Thanks..
    More feedback please.
    Leave links pz
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  9. June 14th, 2004, 06:24 PM #9
    Judge Judy
    Judge Judy is offline
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Posts
    9,864
    Up & away
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  10. June 14th, 2004, 08:41 PM #10
    Chris Black
    Chris Black is offline
    That Shit Cray Chris Black's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Posts
    22,247
    Battle Record
    12-1
    Good shit. I've seen similar concepts but this was still nice. The flow was a little choppy at times, but , overall, it was decent. Nice emotion. Good piece. keep doin' you, homie.
    Hence Forward
    axis powers
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  11. June 14th, 2004, 08:53 PM #11
    Token
    Token is offline
    . Token's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Location
    Srq, FL
    Posts
    15,144
    Battle Record
    64-7
    Awards Golden Glove Champion LLL HOF 50+ Wins
    Hey man, i liked reading it, but the flow was choppy in a few parts which sort of made it boring at first, but then it picked up. I'm sorry for your loss of your brother, that's gotta be hard, but like the other guy said, don't let that tear you apart. It's hard to critique this, but it was good. Keep writing homie.
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  12. June 16th, 2004, 05:28 PM #12
    Judge Judy
    Judge Judy is offline
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Posts
    9,864
    up and away
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  13. June 17th, 2004, 04:14 PM #13
    Judge Judy
    Judge Judy is offline
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Posts
    9,864
    Uppin this you queer fucks lol
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  14. June 17th, 2004, 08:49 PM #14
    CAMROK
    CAMROK is offline
    xNY~NJx CAMROK's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    1,086
    Battle Record
    30-9
    This was a very nice piece...
    I loved the read, flow was on tact..
    really no complaints from me about this piece,
    told an amazing story, very well written
    dope man...
    should be nominated.
    PandorasBox



    <center>
    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
    </center>



    Open Mics:



    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  15. June 20th, 2004, 05:54 PM #15
    Judge Judy
    Judge Judy is offline
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Posts
    9,864
    Up n away
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
« Previous Thread | Next Thread »

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Forum Rules