Crew Battle - Po'Ethics Vs. Pandora's Box
Topic - The Beaten Path
20 lines max
Due Monday
Anyone can vote, but please explain.
First to 5 wins, no KO.
Good luck.
Crew Battle - Po'Ethics Vs. Pandora's Box
Topic - The Beaten Path
20 lines max
Due Monday
Anyone can vote, but please explain.
First to 5 wins, no KO.
Good luck.
A ruthless
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of everything existing.Po'ethicsabstanticollective.
Checking In. Sidious just retype your verse here, since the other battle was closed.
the closed battle
A ruthless
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of everything existing.Po'ethicsabstanticollective.
Fate is a linear path, declines to ever sway
A passing moment, finds a place in yesterday
Hope is forever a path that lay, a sever'd way..
A beaten path where the clever stray.
Destiny is a path, assembled with this feeble frame
Checkmate to a board thats set, its pieces game
Parellel flames, life to death its all the same
A road to the path from which this came.
Life is a path, followed by those who have it drawn
Aged in "frames" stories told by time foregone
A distant path, a pawn one step at a time apon...
A beaten path where many gone..
Death is a path, always forward and never behind
Escaping time, realization finds a new state of mind
Walking blind mankind entwined in this wind
The path where all that is and all that was combine...
The spacious woman sings her song..
In fates plan we are beaten,
In a path we all walk apon.
The Beaten Path.
The Beaten Path
Traveling to unknown roads two roads leading nowhere
the scenery too empty i decide to go elsewhere
Seeking an unused route used to weathering wraths
the use of heavens compass is used amist the devils path
Walking passed ancient ruins my past crumbling to dust
passed the horizons edge the sun covered in past rust
Moving onward boldly onto hills valleys and peaks
ontop of distant mountains i hear the wilderness speak
Listening in reverence to the loud ominous voice
saying the choice was chosen for me to choose my own choice
Retraking to the two roads opposite destinies torn apart
one still remains closed on the other one i depart
Finding many twists and turns treacherous and decieving
turned left to avoid whats right left behind wrong, im leaving
Wandering aimlessly around, lost in need of new direction
realizing the great sacred grace given in resurrection
Journeying more towards solice the path narrow yet straight
the lamplight leading me home i've found my soul's estate.
A ruthless
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of everything existing.Po'ethicsabstanticollective.
Ok since crew can vote I will explain who won and why....detailed.....
First I will assess Sidious:
I wasn't real crazy with the structure on this. Rhyming the same type of word 4 times but I still read it. The life is a path, death is a path was new, something I really never seen so that caught my eye and it was a good idea.
Normally you don't have to use great vocab if your story is sound, but I think not using as much sort of hurt this one. I mean, there was vocab but maybe not as much or not where it should have been.
LOL, I don't mean to sound like I am bashing this, this is just what i have seen. Ok, the idea for this, 'beaten path', was good. You definetly took it and ran with it. This was very creative but it just came up short at the finish line.
Creative - 4 of 5
Vocab - 3 of 5
Structure - 2 of 5 (I didn't care for it)
Flow - 3 of 5
Overall Talent - 3 of 5
Now for Mindless:
This was a basic structure, so it flowed a little better....
"Seeking an unused route used to weathering wraths
the use of heavens compass is used amist the devils path"
^^^
That was original...the whole part. Great!
"Moving onward boldly onto hills valleys and peaks
ontop of distant mountains i hear the wilderness speak"
^^^
Was an OK line, I mean it was good near the end, maybe some more vocab would have spiced it up. But your overall vocab was good. Like I said to Sidious, if your story is sound, too much vocab could actually hurt, so you had the right amount.
This one was creative, good work coming from you. The flow ran nice with this and I think overall, you hit the nail right on the head.
Creative - 4 of 5
Vocab - 4 of 5
Structure - 3 of 5 (Basic structure)
Flow - 4 of 5
Overall Talent - 4 of 5
So the winner to me is......
Mindless
Good work to both of you......keep it up!
Vote gone. Crew vote. Nevermind. It stays... Sidious agreed to it.
-Amb
Last edited by Axe; June 15th, 2004 at 01:33 AM
~Understream~
Lost somewhere...
"Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing."
- Harriet Braiker
appreciate the breakdowns illusion. but i guess ill leave it up to sidious if he wants to count that vote. seeing that its coming from a crew member....
A ruthless
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of everything existing.Po'ethicsabstanticollective.
I'm sorry.....my bad. i wasn't sure if I could vote or not....hmmmm, remember that for next time!
~Understream~
Lost somewhere...
"Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing."
- Harriet Braiker
yea i don't really like the idea of the vote...even though it favors us i don't think it would seem fair to them even though you broke it down
uppin
the vote counts it was a fair vote, and broken down well... lets get some more votes.
uppin... can we get some votes.. drop your links and ill hit them up . thanks,.
uppin (3)............................................... ............
I thought this was a close one. Very interesting read....
Sidious: Nice drop. Your imagery was very good. Vocab nice as well. Flow was pretty smooth, structure also nice. I actually liked the rhyme scheme you used in this...don't see it as much as an AABB rhyme scheme and you seemed to make it work....again pretty dope.
Mindless:Yours was dope as well. To me this was close but I liked the style you used to write this. Flow was unreal. Vocab and imagery was tight. The metaphores were very creative yet clear which made it more interesting to read. It's good to read an uplifting piece like that. So Im going to have to give you my vote- that is if its fair
All in all, nice topical, very creative on both sides.
Vote gone. Crew vote.
-Amb
Last edited by Axe; June 15th, 2004 at 01:32 AM
the only voters so far have been from my own crew?... appreciate it guys, but id rather not win that way...
anyone else can vote tho....
.... honestly........ anyone..... just vote........ NOW....... please?
A ruthless
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of everything existing.Po'ethicsabstanticollective.
I had mine removed...decided that it really wasnt fair. Good Luck though. Dope piece for both of you......uppin
heres the way i see it
Sid:
Sid came witta nice verse. Definetly stayd on topic wit his verse...flowed nicely...and lyrics were hot...his rhyme scheme was real good...this shit was hot..."Life is a path, followed by those who have it drawn
Aged in "frames" stories told by time foregone
A distant path, a pawn one step at a time apon...
A beaten path where many gone.."
that shit had me thinkn about shit...
Mind:
i liked your verse too...but some of your shit was a little hard to follow...i liked this "Listening in reverence to the loud ominous voice
saying the choice was chosen for me to choose my own choice" but that was about it....Sid had lines that had me followin every word...
VOTE=Sidious
both were real good tho
CiiiiN
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