Cursed Since Birth

[Escar]

First topical.

I can feel the anger, hate, & fear in me, eating me alive inside
Confused, by these wicked thoughts runnin' through my mind
I dunno what my occur soon, the future to me seems like a blur
How all this is aimin' at me like a meteor, is more than absurd
What's next? Feels like a blade is cuttin' through my chest
Thought I could solve the puzzle, coz I was told I was blessed
But I guess the devil colonized my mind, turned my world into hell
Can't put the blame on him, coz i walked to the edge and fell
I let so many people down, they just can't trust me anymore
I just couldn't go on, because all they did was ask for more
The horror inside me is like a mystery, that I can't explain
I guess I was cursed since birth, to just be addicted to pain

Here's the link:

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...69#post1460369
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...88#post1460488

So what do you guys think? First time I write a topical.

Peace

[Its Illytizzle!™]

Not bad man.

But first off i must say the topic wasnt great.. or it could have been.. but you seemed to go the obvious route with it.. try thinkin of more abstract ideas or more personal views on the subject you choose.. be specific an genuine emotion should come thru.. havin said that it was well written an moved nicely.. relatively short an sweet.. you`v started off on a good footin an you`ll quickly get better an better.. read some Legendary stuff or Fgee`s verse in the Finals vs Feeble an you`ll get some idea of what i mean.

[Escar]

^^Aight thx for the feedback.

Uppin'.

[Escar]

Can I get more feedback on this?

[Lingwistik]

not a bad piece man

the flow was alittle off in a few places but it was still good......the concepts and ideas were wll brought out i think and the vocab was not bad either
i can also tell that there wa emotion ut inot this and thats good. I like the topic and the idea too, overall not a bad piee

keep workin on it and youll get better, but your not fa from beter, but it wa your firsttopical, o keep workin, peace

[Mag...]

meh this wasn't too bad I suppose...

you really did nothing with this topic... and I didn't feel your flow at all... you need to improve on structure.... and find a rhyme pattern in all that rhetoric....

for a first topical... I'd say it's about par...

keep working

[Escar]

^^Ugh...

Uppin'

[Born To Kill]

If this was your first piece...
Very good work.

If it wasn't, eh...
Still very good work.

The emotion expressed was outstanding.
You really let us in on your feelings and thoughts of "life sucks".
Very descriptive with your mood.

What I found to lack was a why...
Why do peeps not trust you?
What did you do?

Some background info woulda been nice.

But, all in all, real nice work, unpolished, for sure, but real nice.
You flowed well, but there's a couple of spots that stopped dead, just bad wording or syllable count, s'about it.
And vocab was ok, not great, it could be improved, but your on your way, dude.

Peace

[Escar]

^^Damn, thx alot...

...now Ima start doing more topicals.

Uppin'

[Stricknine]

I felt your piece is nice as hell dog, just some bad flow in the beginning dotn think Inside rhymes with mind but overall you did a nice job using the topic
and expressing the emotion of someone who was cursed from birth to suffer pain
living all alone with no friends /bc he let them down, and how hes going into like a dpression and stuff b/c of the curse. I give this a 6/10 Gf on ya first one

[Cinderella]

Not too shabby. To be honest, at first I thought it was going to suck... but you proved me wrong and I am now smacking myself in the side of the head. Good imagery. My favourite lines were "What's next? Feels like a blade is cuttin' through my chest
Thought I could solve the puzzle, coz I was told I was blessed" The blade cutting through my chest part made me shiver. Enough said.

[Escar]

^^Lmao... ok, umm, w.e.

Anyway, uppin' lol.

[HeXen]

Nice drop..Lines were a bit to long...and dat did make the flow a bit off..but otther than dat it was dope...nice poetic techniques...stay up
8/10

[Escar]

Aight...

...uppin' dis shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!!!

[Escar]

Uppin'