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Thread: Something I Threw Together

  1. #1
    CD for Free DL! Mixtape's Avatar
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    Something I Threw Together

    i aint the best i put myself down real quick,
    im here ta confess that my sound is sick/
    a round of six, i'll knock ya out in # one,
    one punch two punch and then your done,
    we play around n do this fo fun, you got the gun/
    fists come wit the diss, like a snakes comes the hiss/
    ya comin to a complete stop emergency brake,
    makin judges like a jury would make, ya heard ta be fake/
    cant handle the plate, overflowin wit every word,
    that was meant ta neva be heard, this is obsurd/
    the lifestyle some of us live, life's a bet make the bid/
    every since i was a kid, i hoped of displayin my gift,
    no fancy cars chromed rims or handlin whips/
    just love fo the game, started at 13,
    with a dream, started with a team/
    but we went our seperate ways,
    thought bout a track fo days n days, see patiences pays/
    but anyway I dont care what ya'll think of this track,
    doin this fo fun love and outstandin comeback/
    volume 1 of a mixtape was a wacked out verse,
    this one coulda turned out a whole lot worse/
    so critisize these lines all ya want, til next time yo i'm done......

    say what ya want.......
    Last edited by Mixtape; November 29th, 2004 at 01:11 PM

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  2. #2
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    You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks.

  3. #3
    CD for Free DL! Mixtape's Avatar
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  4. #4
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Re. Says. P. Says.'s Avatar
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    personally i like this , the way i read it , it appeared to have good flow , and how you rap i know it should go good.But you should work on more multies, i didnt see any in plain sight, but if there are some then great.I like this lol youve elevated alot so thats fresh.I think its great how ya mentioned our shit in there too lol. But over all id give this maybe a 8 or 9 outta 10 .... keep it ill E-ROCK hahahahahahaha

  5. #5
    CD for Free DL! Mixtape's Avatar
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    come on.....
    Last edited by Mixtape; November 28th, 2004 at 11:20 AM

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  6. #6
    CD for Free DL! Mixtape's Avatar
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    yo come on i need some feedback on these lines.....if ya got bad things ta say, say it i need to elavate so bring the heat, or compliment me if ya like em, i need all the feedback possible.....cuz ima rise kid.....

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  7. #7
    CD for Free DL! Mixtape's Avatar
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    this is a very old verse but hey can i still get some feedback lol....i did this back June 30th

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  8. #8
    Interpersonal
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    Salam...aight first of all your structure is all over the place which made it hard to understand the flow....your vocab wasnt all there...it aint no problem though kep elevating...one

  9. #9
    Envious? Ack Scent's Avatar
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    Alright, that was what the verse was. it was wack in a couple of areas, but it still had a nice flow to it. There was some nice rhyming and waas smooth. u should improve on ya structure, it would make it easier to read and therefore better cuz it wouhld be more understandable. It was an alright piece that stated somethin real. u could really tell u came wit some thought about this one right up unitl the last bar.

    Look 4ward 2 seein more from u when u do some elvation.

    Battles:
    Come and get it.


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  10. #10
    CD for Free DL! Mixtape's Avatar
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    yo thanks for the feedback if you got any tips for my rhyming try and tell me some

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  11. #11
    Jai-Cee
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    Struture your verses a bit better... because writing just a huge blob of text is a bitch to read...

    Anyways...

    As regards the actual verse and its contents, it was alright, nothing exceptional. Try and incoporporate some Vocab, as this will give some dimension to the verse, and it allows you to iterate what your feelings and thoughts are more easily.

    Flow was a little off, but I think thats due to the way you structured this...

    Include Multi's there usually impressive if you can pull them off, and don't go for your standard ones like...

    "Blah blah cat, blah blah hat...
    Blah blah back, blah blah rat..."

    Try something a little more creative like...

    "blah blah blah Learning-to-rhyme...
    blah blah blah burning-the-time..." This is a wack example... but hopefully you can see what I'm getting at.

    Rhyme scheme was kinda basic too... Try to avoid rhyming one sylable words, as its just boring and predictable...

    If you work on the above things, you'll elevate and thats always good news...

    Return the favour on the reply, click on the link in my sig... Unique Resistance.

    Peace

  12. #12
    Anomaly
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    sounded almost like some eminem stuff, i thought it was good structure, never had to read aline twice to catch the flow, some good multis, alittle simple but aint no biggie, overal 8/10...

  13. #13
    Newbie zeebee198's Avatar
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    reply

    hey man, i liked it for what you put into it.......how long did that take you?......seemed like alot of it was unoriginal, man you gotta have somehting to say......but it read good for me and was ok after i was done over analyzing it......bout a 7 overall, peace

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    zeebee
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  14. #14
    redruM. Cinquix Incision's Avatar
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    its to crammed together man, space it out...and have better structure....other then that, it was good
    "ya i see you nigguhs mean muggin on poarches, unload that clip and watch em scatter like roaches"
    ima foo wit it! girl gimme dat pussy i kno wut to do wit it!

    I AINT NO BITCH!

  15. #15
    CD for Free DL! Mixtape's Avatar
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    its old but hit it up

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