yo i was worki n on this

[Big Kountry]

i was workin on this song tell me whats worng what i could use and how to mak it better its a bout my life so hit me back

I notice, that sometimes in life you loose focus, but I think its bogus/ the way at 17 years old, im suppose to do what im told, like take car of your bro when I want to work to make gold/ my cocoon is breakin, and loosing every interest I have steak in, but im shakin/ stop rule in my life spaz, I do fuck up shit every kid makes bads, you tell me about what u never had/ but I tell you im fine, realize I got a scholarship on the line, and it’s a bout time/ for you to let me, on my own and be, some one whose doesn’t have to say please/ to go out on a weekend, but you’re my weak end, holdin me back for seenin my friends/ this gotta end, I mean not again, will in be looking out of my window skeenin/ a thought of how to get, out of this shit, but every time I talk back I am hit, man that’s it/

Chorus 2x
I get good grades man,
Leave me alone,
I go to work man,
Leave me alone,
I go and pray man,
Leave me alone,
“now your grounded”,
man y’d you go there,
shut the fuck up,
before I send you up stairs,

Now I know its not right, to argue and fight, im not grounded fuck you im goin out to night/ you not even my real dad, so what if you and my mom had, children yeah i know that’s a stab/

[Big Kountry]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...01#post1388901

[shizzle420]

umm i guess it was alright the ending and begging was a little shaky it needs some work. keep tryin

[Big Kountry]

well i was tring to make it better when i edit it it will sound better

[Mahatma]

This was okay, it's something you wanted to say, obviously, and getting it off your chest in rhyme will help you improve. The next step is to get deeper, say something no one else has, or no one else is expecting. A million people have rhymed had with sad...... that's far too obvious to be doing. Many people have also taken the approach to your subject matter and done very much the same thing, make yours stand out, don't go for the first thing you think of, rap your idea around a rhyme not a rhyme around your idea.

Peace Burger King