No Forgiveness from a Brother (probably my best yet)

[JONESY_UK]

No Forgiveness from your brother

Please, may I be forgiven for sinns I’ve broken
Please, today, forgive me as these sinns can be overcome
Im embarrassed , as I lash out when I was angry
It was wrong, must I be punished, as I do agree
What words can I use to make you understand
That this nastiness that’s release is not my command
I never meant to hurt one and other, my actions leaving me ashamed
We can still move on my brother, because really nothing has changed
I ask with fear, what must I do for you to forgive me truly
Don’t leave me here, don’t make me pre live my life in cruelty
You know our expression, blood is thicker than water to me
Im suffering depression, should I die because I thought ya loved me
Are you ever going to speak, or you gonna treat me as an illusion
Yes I know my live isn’t bleak, its only because im full of confusion
You know ill respect you decision, as I don’t have an explanation
But first look at it through my vision, before you leave me in devastation
Remember when we were small, you said we would stick together
So you gonna let that feeling fall, cos I thought you meant forever
I will make this confession, I saw him bleeding and left him dieing
Honestly, ive learnt my lesson, I will never by pass another victim I see crying
I know what he was feeling, thinking he will never see family again
I feel like I aint breathing, ive lost my brother, now life will never be the same

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PLZ leave feedback for me. i will hit up your OM's

[JONESY_UK]

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...96#post1296096

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...80#post1296080


two replies

[Richard Parker]

good piece, nice word choice etc...

im tired tho, no more explainin.. good tho
pz

[JONESY_UK]

uppin.......................drop ya links i will return favour...............................

[Yungkiss]

this was nice i was feeling the topic kept it up

[JONESY_UK]

come on guys drop some feedback on this.......ill return the favour

[JONESY_UK]

upppin uppin............................................. ......................

[JONESY_UK]

can i get some real feedback on this piece................................

[Bigg E Z]

Each time i read a piece by you, i relise how better you have become..

I am pleased to see it man...

Keep it up..

Vocab- U used better vocab in this one...KEEP THAT UP..

Try Keepin the line length equal...
And count your syllables, it helps allot..

Now, Id like to see you introduce multies and internals...

You are becoming better man, Props..!!