10-20 lines
Topic: Deathrow
Due Tuesday "3/16"
10-20 lines
Topic: Deathrow
Due Tuesday "3/16"
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checkin in.................Any chance of doin yours now?? I'm nearly finished with mine!! So we can get the battle over a.s.a.p!!
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-An Original RB Member: Yes, We're That Much Doper Than You-
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Just drop.. i'll have mine later today
I'll drop as soon as i get home from school.
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Deathrow
I was convicted to death, and my life i dont wanna let go
The crime i comitted, i basically signed my death note
I shoulda thought things first, and turned back
Now i'm in prison, and theres no way to turn that
I use to be free, but my actions took that from me
Now its scary to sleep, knowing that other men love me
Or so they say, or are their hormones acting uncontrolably
You never wanna experience this, i have to sleep uncomfortably
But damn...i robbed a bank, just to end up in this disgusting place
So many fights go down, felons dont even confront face to face
In here.. you have got to watch your back, or you'll end up slit
I can't take this shit, I wish this life i could quit
Or atleast go back, and stop myself from doing what i did
If i got out on a second chance, i swear to god i'd never do it again
...
Man, i've done seen the disturbed. Watched men get raped
Guards watched on.. while the inmate got no excape
Its like.. they got pleasure from seeing this, its disturbing
This is only the beginning.. i got plenty time for learning
I'm ashamed in sorrow, am i ready for death? no!
But i have no choice, cuz i'm do to die on death row
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The Warden
I am death row, I kill rapists and killers for sins
Just the thought of these scum, with deadly grins...
...makes me sick from bones to skin, where do I begin?
These men locked and dwell in death infected 2 x 2 cells
I begin my farewell with keys to open their gates of hell
Repent...na god will never forgive or forget!! your mind crazy..
..Say repent to the dead father & mother of that unborn baby
As the last walk starts, like time counting down in striving steps
Step 10, gagged and bagged, he with look of undying regrets…
..I pull the lever, without sweat!! & light up another life polluting cigarette.
The Inmate
I am death row, my life now gonna be ended by a lever
I didn’t mean to kill those people, but I deserve pain and death forever
The 2 x 2 cell, smells like things that should not exist
My mind now infected by, dead rats rotting, blood, sweat, and piss
Tears of regret, fury and hate, reminded by these opening gates
Which paralyse my bone as they run down my face...
...and the only place now I can repent is death, for mind of erase!!
I begin to cry, life now fading like the sun with every step..
Bagged, with my last view I see the warden smiling of which I’m met..
…Life now in hands of evil, I wish god would wipe my outstanding debt!!
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-An Original RB Member: Yes, We're That Much Doper Than You-
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More than 1 minute after..
But ok..... UP#1
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ayt better wordplay goes to timeless, vocab goes to timeless, both your structure was good and both kept the flow the same way the way through!
I was feeling Timeless more so v/timeless
Illunatic there was nuttin wrong with yours just feeling Timeless more
Vote dq'd, not well explained
Last edited by ILLunatic; March 16th, 2004 at 05:42 PM
^^ ok need more of a reason than that, this will prob be disqualified!! but uppin *1
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-An Original RB Member: Yes, We're That Much Doper Than You-
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Hmmm...
This was one topical I really liked. Both pieces had a different approach to the topic, and I liked both.
Ill...I liked your approach a little better. It was a
little more personal and also deeper because of that.
Your flow was nice as always, and I liked the content
through out. Good ending, good piece.
Timeless...I liked your approach to the topic as well,
but it felt somewhat impersonal. Good flow and all,
just wasnt as good as Ill's. That's what it came down
to. Nice piece though man.
V/Ill
Tight battle..
Illunatic.. approach was good.. vocab held up well and it was put out nicely.. but I felt it was average in its ideas if you get me..
I kinda expected what you dropped..
As said it was personal in a way.. but I felt Timeless did the same with two people so to speak..
Timeless.. better approach.. more creative. The little touches, such as the opening words of each part were nicely incorporated. Slightly better ideas..
After reading each piece twice yours stood out..
The approach worked well.. as its two opinions on the same scene..
Overall I felt it was a better verse in many aspects..
V/Timeless
<img src="
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size="3">Burn.. Baby.. Burn..
illunatic- had a good verse, the flow was god and the vocab was really good...the verse was complex, i like that in a topical. The structure was good and the creativity was there. The appraoch was good as provoke sed...good verse keep it up with ur topicals...your more experienced in these
timeless- i also liked ur verse alot...it was also complex and had some good vocabulary. The flow and structure was good...the creativity was also there and the approach to the topic was goood...good verse keep it up
Verdict- since this was a tough battle to judge....i felt that the winner would be the one that satyed on topic the most and was more into the topic....i felt that more with illunatic's verse....great battle you guys....
v/ill
^^ i'm not going to start complaining!! but i woz more on topic. the topic was about deathrow, not like in most of ill's spit Jail. ya need to read things properly and give a fair vote. ill only mentioned deathrow in the last line!! uppin 2*
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-An Original RB Member: Yes, We're That Much Doper Than You-
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^ you dont need to mention the topic
to be on the topic!
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^^Very trueOriginally Posted by ILLunatic
Illunatic- Came nice here. Your syllabic flow was on point
which gave a good feel for poly/mono-syllabic words.
Vocab' wasnt amazing but it was nice. Just step up
complexity when explaining summit. Mulits came good
but I wudda like to see more w/ the style you used.
Timelss- I was impressed here by your drop. You did follow
the topic in a way I liked. Your flow was overall better
& the rhyme scheme got better further on in the piece.
My only flaw for you is to mix it up a lil. Dont follow the obvious
trend of following the topics name. But if you do
you need to be more emotive in explaining this.
Anyways overall not bad from ya'll
But due to progression throughout the
piece my vote goes to
V/Timeless
pz
Aight yo I give both of yall props to start with.........both held it down with th tha flow and structure and I felt both of yall's emotions but..............I gotta say timeless cause he flipp'd tha script and got off two different view points and that was tight cause they both were on point.........so I vote timeless on tha basis of creativity.........
Vote DQ'd.. Not well explained
Last edited by ILLunatic; March 16th, 2004 at 05:15 PM
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