.."Perspective of the Ant"...Small World..

[$carface]

(ANT CAMP)

In da eyes of my kind dis is a very small world...
it consists of rich soil and manure dat my colony controls...
everyday it is a struggle...strive to be sole survivor...
the queen ant lays back... while we strive to supply her...
creating thousands of babies a day...in dis very small world...
never da less she still has da strength to push farther and make more...
i am amazed at dis sight...cuz from which is my origin...
everyone is forced to live on their own...invisible childhood negligence...
holes dats dug by workers an bugs...a grimacing sight to behold...
supposedly da world is large but in mine whats even larger is da road...
in da midst of our kingdom i see dat destruction pursues...
as we load da ammunition and await da beetles...
(THE WAR...)
the invasion of the beetles is a day i'd never forget...
it was held in da vicinity of a playground..and broken beer bottles around...
we fought amongst da glass shocked by its alcoholic aroma...
but never da less we proceeded to inflict dis physical drama...
as we clashed among da shattered glass limbs were being torn apart...
the ant brigades were then ordered away...to suddenly depart..
the queen ant got really weak...defeat had sampled her heart...
dis small world then got large...all it did was respark...
the prophecy of da ants...in da visions of others...
babies being born...abortion...da decision of mothers...
the queen ant ceased to exist...da life was at its pinnacle...
we cremated her flesh to ashes...while reading scripts dats biblical...
but i showed no remorse...didnt cry a single tear drop...
but if i cried...it was tears of joy for the weight off my shoulders...
cuz i hated da queen with all my heart...forced to live desolated...
i did all of da work...but other ants got congratulated...
for all i know i built dis kingdom..dat we so called share...
envy intercepts my reflection as i stare in the mirror...
six months passed by i was da only one left...
da holes dug caved in...i was all by myself...
in an abrupt a pedestrian crushed me under da soles of their feet...
but then i realized dat dis was nothing but a queen ant repeat...
thru da eyes of da homosapes i saw execution of camps...
i sense a strong aura...meaning da ressurrection of ants...
to all da beholders of dis story...dis is bound to get old...
cuz in exactly 20 days from now...dis is an epic retold...

tellme what u think tried a different style of writing...

[Mistral]

You need to leave 2 links or this gets closed, Thanks.

I like this style better than your other one, Just work with this one for a bit and see what happens

[$carface]

my bad here linkks........but thx

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=118084
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=118346

[$carface]

uppin

[$carface]

uppin

[$carface]

Final Up Damn Im Hungry Feed Me Lol

[God.]

Well, I don't usually come in here, but...

I really liked this. It was very deep, and it had a couple of things that I had to double take on. I enjoyed reading it.

One thing you can work on is the stretching of the lines. Sometimes it got a little too far out and made the flow a little choppy. But for the most part it flowed great.

You had a lot of concepts. Maybe you want to try to talk more about one thing for more than two lines (just a suggestion).

Good job overall.

*I should come here more often*
*Vote on my battles*

[$carface]

thx fo feed anytime u need me to vote on battles hit me up...uuppin

[Ace of Aces]

pretty good work. mostly becuz it was unique. its not often people write about being an ant. the flow was good, a little stretched in some places, but overall nice. the structure was probably the worst part of the verse, but it didn't bring it down by much. the vocab used was complex enuff. above most standards. you ended with a nice closer tho, even tho it didn't deal with ants. keep up the good work. 7.5/10

peACE

[$carface]

uppin

[Chemarim]

this was nice, good use of the topic, it realtes to more then ants as if ou where trying to tel more then an antys story

i was inlightend by this lol cuz of the tpic was oriinal.

good story

[..:: SpOrTzDiScIpLe™::..]

very good work
nice wordplay
need to work on ya structure it really kills the mood of the verse and makes it hard to read
need to try to add mutlies
i like the uniquniss(if thats actually a real word) u put into the verse
i thought u could have made some changes in to it like make it smaller an make the lines evenly match so ur structure could be alot better but besides that i thought u did a good job i give it a 8/10 and even a 9/10 good job keep elevating u could be good

[Mag...]

ok... you could have been more slick in the flow... stayed on point though...

not a bad little work... still needs improvement...

keep it up and good luck in our ss battle...

[FreeThinker]

Ok here is my breakdown for you

I really wasnt in the mood to read any open mic, but your heading cought my attention. I like originality. Anyways I started reading it, and it sure was unique but however your flow let you dont . Especialy in the first bit. It seemed to fall of numerous number of times, and some of your stuff really didnt rhyme. It was more of a story than a poem/rap piece. However it did pick up afterwards. And it added more to this story, which I infact found quiet interasting. I liked how it evolved from just a view of the world from an antz prospetive, than down to the emotinal feelings towards the queen. All in all , I enjoyed this 7.5/10

[$carface]

thx fo feed i get slept on all the time dis is the msot feed ive ever gotten on dis sight....uppin