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Thread: i write this one for you.

  1. #1
    Fucking SEXY! Bare Knuckles's Avatar
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    i write this one for you.

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=118262
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=118127


    8. L dogg:
    your an old man sitting in your rocking chair outside carving sticks an thinking back on your life... describe your thoughts.
    the thunder splits the sky - the rain that the clouds bore
    falls heavily to earth, and there stands an old man in its downpour
    he’s in his final days - still struggling his way to get home
    in a bereaved minute of disparity, he kneels in his wet clothes
    and embraces the drizzling rain for yet another lonely day
    while his left hand slowly trembles over the golden photo frame…

    flashback

    it’s the winter of 64, i stand on the sidewalk with my eyes closed
    feeling large flakes of crystal brush my face as i hold a white rose
    we had dinner reservations for two - it was now two fifteen
    but she was probably perfecting herself to make sure she looked pretty
    suddenly she appeared from a side road, she spotted the white rose
    and her eyes froze - god - she looked so beautiful in her nice clothes
    she finally stepped forward and all i wanted was to let her know
    how pretty she was, but she staggered as the heal on her stiletto broke
    she fell on the road - then grabbed her slender ankle before
    she looked up to see me, but was met by screeching brakes and a car horn…
    …i ran into the road, held her frail hand and felt her addled breathing
    i drew her head to my chest as she painfully whispered, “please don’t leave me”
    so i sat with her - holding her - then felt a jump inside of my heart
    so i sat with her - holding her - and watched her die in my arms

    flash forward

    it’s now the winter of 69 - the streets are bathed with white
    while i’m going from job to job - unable to sustain a life
    it’s been five years since i lost my wife, and during that lousy time
    i’ve had thirteen jobs - each of them doing as much damage to my pride
    as the previous one - but my current job makes me sick -
    i wear a large santa suit and a fluffy white beard that chafes my chin
    i’m seated in the corner of the mall - unable to stop thinking of her
    but i’m only doing this to buy my son the gifts he deserves
    cause i know it must be hard for him to have no mother by his side
    yet he always manages to wear a brave smile each day of his life
    all of a sudden i see him pass by with his friend and his parents
    suddenly he stops in the centre of the mall - motionless - staring…
    straight at me - then bolts forward without stopping to speak
    he jumps, wraps his arms around my neck and hops on my knee
    i cough - stutter - and put on a voice so he doesn’t know it’s me
    i stare at him - force a fake smile - then open my mouth to speak
    “ho ho ho, little boy, what would you like for christmas?”
    “i’m not selfish, sir, that’s why i got only one thing on my wish list
    it’s not a toy - a game - or a gun with a blaster rays
    it’s just a wish to see a pleasant smile upon my father’s face
    cause ever since mommy died - he’s never been the same
    and i couldn’t bare to see him slowly die inside from day to day…
    …for the rest of his life - and i wouldn’t even bare to think it
    so please just grant me this one wish for Christmas… please”
    so i placed my arms around him - trying to hold the tears back
    then leant forward and whispered in his sweet ear that - “i’ll do my best”

    and ever since that day - i would smile and never frown for him
    so i hope he knows that when I’m gone - i’ll always smile down on him



    most of this story applies to my best friend, who’s mother died from a car accident when he was a child, so i wrote this for him cause i’ve been friends with him since forever. rip mary smith, i hope you know how much we love you.
    It's me - Bare Knuckles!
    Yes.. the rumours are true.

    Alias: Atheist.

  2. #2
    Fucking SEXY! Bare Knuckles's Avatar
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    None?
    It's me - Bare Knuckles!
    Yes.. the rumours are true.

    Alias: Atheist.

  3. #3
    \(^-^)/ Freeman's Avatar
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    If most of this is true.. Then this is dope..
    If most of this isnt true.. Then this is dope..

    Either way.. It was a very heartfelt piece..

    Cant believe its been slept on.. Feel for you bro.. Im slept on also.. To a certain extent..

    Erm.. Was nice and simple scheme..

    The best lines.. Omg.. Check this for emotion you mother fuckers..

    so i sat with her - holding her - then felt a jump inside of my heart
    so i sat with her - holding her - and watched her die in my arms"
    Whoa.. My hat would go off to you if I was wearing one.. Honestly.. Im impressed..

    You got my comment on your pieces from now on.. Fuck gettin slept on like this..

    Lets get some more emotion in this mother fucker..

    "…i ran into the road, held her frail hand and felt her addled breathing
    i drew her head to my chest as she painfully whispered, “please don’t leave me”"
    Fuck sake.. Imagery.. Whoa..

    Im finding this hard to critisize.. As this is my kind of piece..

    Honestly.. Me and you are collabing real soon..

    PM me or get at me on AIM.. That shit is in profile..

    Hit Gunman's drop "I dont know why".. Im Ft on it..

    Thanks..

    Pz..

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  4. #4
    Banned Penskills's Avatar
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    Dope...Dope...Tough Battle this week...but..with this....You have great chance..Dope..

  5. #5
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    Whoah you got 2 of the laziest bastards to respond to ya post so you must be dope!!!!! This was nice as fuck i typically don't read the topicals but email or pm me the links to the rest of the shit you drop. Dope piece.

  6. #6
    \(^-^)/ Freeman's Avatar
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    Uppin this.. For fuck sake.. Sleeping hoes..

    Worth a read at least.. Jus drop something.. Lazy fucks..

    Up.. ..

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  7. #7
    Banned Ace of Aces's Avatar
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    this was dope. no doubt. from beginning to end, i focused on it. the words were connected in with a hint of perfection. the syllables were alligned to match almost flawlessly. but above all, the meaning in this superceded all other aspects. the imagery in this was almost too good to be true. very dope. i hope this is nominated, its one of my favs so far. besides mine that is. lol. nah im playin. keep it tight.

    hit this in return please, thanks:
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=118945

    peace

  8. #8
    is Power Nahlidge's Avatar
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    Awards Legendary Member Legendary Battle Legendary OM OM HOF
    This was dope man .. Dopely written .. Enjoyable and drew me in from start to finish .. Sick content in this man .. Very nice .. Flow was easy to follow .. Good story in this .. I really liked it .. Keep writing man .. One

    A.i

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    *Click one of ^those to check out my music and shit

  9. #9
    Back By Popular Demand... ELEETE's Avatar
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    <---Perfect expression for this man.........

    This was an well done piece very dope....Your imagery was great! It was amazing how you described your details with everything....very dope....dont know if you just thought of this story or if it indeed was reality but really was well told...

    Your gift in story telling was excellent....good job bro....

    the thunder splits the sky - the rain that the clouds bore
    falls heavily to earth, and there stands an old man in its downpour
    he’s in his final days - still struggling his way to get home
    in a bereaved minute of disparity, he kneels in his wet clothes
    and embraces the drizzling rain for yet another lonely day
    while his left hand slowly trembles over the golden photo frame…
    that whole intro was like
    i mean i ould picture just about everything you told and i could believe it cause i could see it in my mind....great drop my friend....hit my latest OM when you get the time, thanks....an great job....

    The Inner Meaning
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=118968

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  10. #10
    Fucking SEXY! Bare Knuckles's Avatar
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    I`ll reply to those links when I get home from school.




    Thanks though. Appreciate it.
    It's me - Bare Knuckles!
    Yes.. the rumours are true.

    Alias: Atheist.

  11. #11
    NH
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    this was real fuckin nice man..... flow was pretty much flawless maybe fell off once or twice but that could be down to personal style n shit.... but the imagery and emotion was sick man, i love the deep meaningfull joints n this was one of them i'll definately remember nah mean.... i mean i cant really say anything different to what has been said allread, so im'a just leave it at.... this was dope

    p.s could u return the favour please man.. preciate it.. pz

  12. #12
    I found a prefix!!!! f-gee's Avatar
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    dope piece
    being trivial flow got choppy in a few spots
    but the story more than made up for it..all the sadder its true and not fiction
    the opener got me in...the trembling hand on the gold frame was ill
    and then the part about his wife was really vivid imagery
    and then the crown of the piece
    where you flipped it really well, the use of the santa in the mall for him to hear his sons anguish was dope
    classic shit
    great invention there
    glad i read this.
    peace

    fin
    You need Ghost Dog in your DVD collection


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    it's a bold statement - the new youtube

  13. #13
    Fucking SEXY! Bare Knuckles's Avatar
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    Final up.
    It's me - Bare Knuckles!
    Yes.. the rumours are true.

    Alias: Atheist.

  14. #14
    Banned Penskills's Avatar
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    -Free-

    ^I never leave Links...But..I want to know your thoughts...
    It's a short story...if you have the time..Bare Chuckles...

  15. #15
    I.J.L נєм's Avatar
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    excellent irealy enjoyed this best one i have red in fuckin ages thank for this.....
    *tears of joy*


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